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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About friend on holiday.

133 replies

SofaKingFedUp · 08/10/2018 06:28

Basically, I holiday to a particular place very often, i used to come here for 6 months of the year but I had a baby beggining of this year so only did 2 weeks in June, August and now.
June and August my mum was with me so it was enjoyable because I had help with the baby if I needed, always had someone to talk to and she's really good and babysat a couple of nights so I could go out with friends.
In August my friend was here too and asked if I wanted to go in October for 2 weeks, I said I wasn't sure as because it would just be me and the baby as my mum is away somewhere else, and that you (my friend) come here to get drunk every night and sleep into the late afternoon, and never leave the hotel in the day (we are self catering, so no entertainment in the hotel) so would maybe get a bit bored.
She promised me she wouldn't be like this, said she wanted a relaxing holiday to spend with me and the baby, and that we would do stuff in the daytime and she would just go visit other people she knows at night when I go back to the hotel to put the baby to bed and have a few drinks, but not get totally smashed.
So I said ok if you're sure then that's fine I'll come, and I told her I was just a little worried that i would be alone most days but she insisted it wouldn't be like this.
I have been here a week today, and every day she has slept until 12 or 1pm and then she goes for a nap at about 4pm because she's so hungover, we get ready to eat for about half 8/9 and then I take DD back for 11 cos that's when the loud music starts in all the bars. So basically I'm only seeing her 6 hoirs a day and most of those hours she's not very good company as she's hungover and just talks about all the boys who's given her attention.
Now I know it's her holiday too and she can do what she wants, and if she said this was what she wanted to do before we came i wouldn't have come.
I told her because i have the baby I can't be out at night but if we are going to do things in the daytime like go to the beach, boat trip etc etc then I would he fine with that.
The people staying here in the hotel are not very sociable either, sometimes someone will have a conversation with me but they just keep themselves to themselves.
AIBU to be a bit annoyed that my friend is doing the opposite of what she said she would do? I've been on my own with the baby pretty much all day everyday so not really having adult company and of course I love my baby but there's only so much I can talk to a baby who can't talk back Smile
I've spoken to my friend about it but she didn't seem to think there was a problem as it was "her" holiday and she didn't want to wake up to an alarm on holiday.
I told her if she had said it was going to be like this before we came then I wouldn't have come but she said the total opposite, she said sorry but to be honest I think she's more interested in spending her time with the boys who work here and I feel like she just used me as someone to travel with and to say she's not alone.
What do you guys think?
I'm just not really having great time and DD is extra needy so i can't even shower or eat in peace, which she isn't usually like this but we are in a foreign place so I understand. It just would be nice for my friend to entertain DD for 15 mins while I showered quick. I explained how difficult it is for me to get ready but she didn't offer any sort of help either. It's just pretty shit being lonely in a forgein country.

OP posts:
ThanosSavedMe · 09/10/2018 20:50

What a cheeky fucker. She’s accusing you of abandoning her when that’s what she’s done to you.

Kate0902900908 · 09/10/2018 23:12

When I go away with my friend who has a small child it’s a different type of holiday, it’s pool, meal times and day trips. When baby boy (6) goes to bed we have a little drink and cards on the balcony and bed before 1 so we’re up ready for baby boy getting up. It’s what you do for your friends it’s a different type of holiday.

Your friend isn’t mature enough to be your friend on a family holiday. Sad but true!

You child and being mum comes first and your friend should be there with you knowing there your responsibilities I’m sick of all this selfish “ it’s her holiday to” attitude I would never see my friend alone

ToftyAC · 10/10/2018 09:30

OP - to actually answer your AIBU Q without sticking my nose in about things that are none of my beeswax, no you are NOT BU. Your “friend” prob thought she could holiday in a manner you pointed out you could do with her doing, but the reality is she obvs knows nothing about babies and now can’t be arsed sticking to her side of the deal.

Fowles94 · 10/10/2018 09:40

You need to grow up, get out and enjoy the holiday with your baby. You sound spoilt atm. Get a taxi if you can't get the bus.

bkkbean · 10/10/2018 10:29

What a stinker! Especially when you've come on here looking for support and got loads of judgement about your holiday/parenting/life choices! TBH I've been in both the CF (pre kids) in this situation and I feel your pain. Your friend prob has no idea how tough it is for you or how to really help and is still in a really selfish headspace. Be REALLY clear about what you need from her as a friend and what you want from now own before you give up on this holiday together. And yes, it's BLOODY TOUGH and boring being on your own with a small baby when they are unsettled and you don't have home comforts! Can you find any locals with children/babies? They'll likely get it and babies usually love to watch other kids. I think you're doing really well and made a brave move. Sorry your friend's being selfish, hopefully she'll step up once you let her know you're really missing her and need her help. If not, you'll still be OK. Well done for reaching out.x

greeneyedlulu · 10/10/2018 12:22

Ghanagirl.... really?? You have some real sister solidarity going there!

Ghanagirl · 10/10/2018 12:30

@greeneyedlulu
Sister solidarity🤣🤣

Maisymoo22 · 13/10/2018 20:50

You have my sympathy op, my dd was exactly the same as a baby and that was most of the time not just on holiday. I couldn’t put her down at all.
YANBU to expect a little help from your friend who agreed to it before the holiday then so selfishly changed her mind once you got there.
Well once bitten twice shy, you know to not believe anything she says now.
I hope she remembers this when she decides she needs your company next time but more to the point I hope YOU remember!!!

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