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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About friend on holiday.

133 replies

SofaKingFedUp · 08/10/2018 06:28

Basically, I holiday to a particular place very often, i used to come here for 6 months of the year but I had a baby beggining of this year so only did 2 weeks in June, August and now.
June and August my mum was with me so it was enjoyable because I had help with the baby if I needed, always had someone to talk to and she's really good and babysat a couple of nights so I could go out with friends.
In August my friend was here too and asked if I wanted to go in October for 2 weeks, I said I wasn't sure as because it would just be me and the baby as my mum is away somewhere else, and that you (my friend) come here to get drunk every night and sleep into the late afternoon, and never leave the hotel in the day (we are self catering, so no entertainment in the hotel) so would maybe get a bit bored.
She promised me she wouldn't be like this, said she wanted a relaxing holiday to spend with me and the baby, and that we would do stuff in the daytime and she would just go visit other people she knows at night when I go back to the hotel to put the baby to bed and have a few drinks, but not get totally smashed.
So I said ok if you're sure then that's fine I'll come, and I told her I was just a little worried that i would be alone most days but she insisted it wouldn't be like this.
I have been here a week today, and every day she has slept until 12 or 1pm and then she goes for a nap at about 4pm because she's so hungover, we get ready to eat for about half 8/9 and then I take DD back for 11 cos that's when the loud music starts in all the bars. So basically I'm only seeing her 6 hoirs a day and most of those hours she's not very good company as she's hungover and just talks about all the boys who's given her attention.
Now I know it's her holiday too and she can do what she wants, and if she said this was what she wanted to do before we came i wouldn't have come.
I told her because i have the baby I can't be out at night but if we are going to do things in the daytime like go to the beach, boat trip etc etc then I would he fine with that.
The people staying here in the hotel are not very sociable either, sometimes someone will have a conversation with me but they just keep themselves to themselves.
AIBU to be a bit annoyed that my friend is doing the opposite of what she said she would do? I've been on my own with the baby pretty much all day everyday so not really having adult company and of course I love my baby but there's only so much I can talk to a baby who can't talk back Smile
I've spoken to my friend about it but she didn't seem to think there was a problem as it was "her" holiday and she didn't want to wake up to an alarm on holiday.
I told her if she had said it was going to be like this before we came then I wouldn't have come but she said the total opposite, she said sorry but to be honest I think she's more interested in spending her time with the boys who work here and I feel like she just used me as someone to travel with and to say she's not alone.
What do you guys think?
I'm just not really having great time and DD is extra needy so i can't even shower or eat in peace, which she isn't usually like this but we are in a foreign place so I understand. It just would be nice for my friend to entertain DD for 15 mins while I showered quick. I explained how difficult it is for me to get ready but she didn't offer any sort of help either. It's just pretty shit being lonely in a forgein country.

OP posts:
explodingkitten · 08/10/2018 09:15

But but but... all that stuff doesn't matter. Friend asked : can I come with you on holiday? OP said: only if you do x and behave y. Friend said Ok. Now friend isn't keeping her part of the deal.

Don't rely on this friend anymore OP. She doesn't get it

crispysausagerolls · 08/10/2018 09:20

Why are some people (looking st you ghanagirl ) making this some lame competition of “well I had to look after my children alone on holiday blah blah blah”. OP IS looking after her baby alone, but she was promised company and a non-hungover friend. I don’t think that’s much to ask for!!! The friend completely lied to OP and is behaving like an arsehole. And yes I think it’s normal to expect to spend most of your time on holiday with someone actually WITH that person.

The comments asking about the father, her job, or telling OP not to go on holiday are irrelevant and fucking rude, frankly.

Also dying to know why juells doesn’t think a paddling pool is fine?!?!

Jaxhog · 08/10/2018 09:26

I feel for you Op. Your friend was deceitful in saying she'd adjust her activities to include you and the babe, then going back to her old ways. I understand she's on hols too, but it does seem rather selfish. At least you'll know not to trust her word in future.

Glad you've got the boat trip planned and a friend coming over. Hope the rest of the holiday is more enjoyable.

GabsAlot · 08/10/2018 09:26

i went on holiday with my friend and 3 year old- we went together done everything together i didnt fuck off coz i got a free travel partner

she doesnt sound like a good friend

RooKangaroo · 08/10/2018 09:31

Sorry OP, it sounds like this woman isn't your friend. This is not something a friend would do.

I hope you can still enjoy your last week and find some things to do with just your baby. Might be worth ditching your friend even when she is around - she's clearly not good company and doesn't deserve your friendship.

WalkingInTheAir13 · 08/10/2018 09:45

Op.
I bought her a paddling pool but she’s not entertained in it for long
Juells:
Do people put 9-month-old babies in paddling pools?
StealthPolarBear:
Perhaps she bought it for her friend Smile

😂😂😂😂

Tinkobell · 08/10/2018 09:52

You are fundamentally at different life stages. TBH OP, you've been a bit wet behind the ears here believing her promises upfront......you knew her history ffs. Pack your bags, get an early flight back, pay up your half of the bill and go home. If it was the holiday of a lifetime for you, I'd feel a tad more sympathetic to your circumstances but given it sounds like you go back there very often (up to 6 months ffs) then I'd just leave and chalk this one down to bad experience.

LivingOnAPear · 08/10/2018 09:56

Yanbu at all. I would be really pissed off too. Could you get a cab to meet friends in the other town or ask them to come and see you. Also some places you can hire baby equipment so maybe a playpen and baby carrier might help.
If your friend is really a friend then she should understand why you are upset and make more effort from now on.
Hope you manage to have a nice break with your baby anyway.

oldmum22 · 08/10/2018 09:59

I have just read your thread and I feel so sorry for what has happened to you. Essentially you have been dropped by your friend in favour of drinking,clubbing and what ever else. Is there a local baby centre that you can drop into , you know the one that locals might use as a drop in ? I am assuming you can speak the language (guessing Spain or Turkey) could you just talk to any of the Mums you see out with their kids? Alternatively look on FB or tripadvisor for local groups to where you are. Good luck and remember to trust your instincts, she isn't a friend , just a user.

oldmum22 · 08/10/2018 10:00

I meant to say local ex-pat groups in the area

underoverunder · 08/10/2018 10:13

It sounds like you have made some good contingency plans OP. I hope you enjoy your time meeting up with the old friend who has two children. You will have much more in common and it will give you the adult company you want. It's also nice to share time with people who are interested in your baby. I don't think that makes you unreasonable - particularly as the baby's father has not supported you and you are doing this alone.

Sometimes we need to have a moan and vent about an awful situation before we can say 'right, okay, I've got that out of my system and now I can move on and change my situation for the better' Well done for changing your attitude and deciding you can do other things to make the best of you time left.

It's sad things did not turn out as you hoped and your friend let you down, but now at least you know she cannot be relied upon at this time in your life.

Snog · 08/10/2018 10:16

Your friend is taking the piss somewhat here. However, I really don't see why you can't tell her to hold the baby for fifteen minutes while you take a shower? How can she refuse?

FallenIvy · 08/10/2018 10:33

You used to holiday for 6 months a year?
Didn’t you work before having DD plus were’s baby’s father surely he would be more helpful

That's just pure nosiness, totally irrelevant to what the OP is asking.

OP YANBU, but have you outright asked your friend to keep an eye on your DD? Maybe she just doesn't realise that you'd like some help to let you shower and get ready etc.

SofaKingFedUp · 08/10/2018 10:45

Day before yesterday when I was telling her how I feel and she replied "well it's my holiday" I said I'm having a hard time gettin ready in the evening and explained how I can't put her down and that before I had my mum here so she would watch her, the friend said well I can try come over cos she knows how difficult it must be (her room is about 5 steps from mine) then last night she said she was going for a nap and meet me at half 8 Hmm so I felt a bit like she didn't want to watch DD for 15 mins, s9 I don't really want to force it. Maybe j will try to ask her more blatantly and see what she says

OP posts:
FallenIvy · 08/10/2018 10:46

Do people put 9-month-old babies in paddling pools?

Yes and baths...why on earth would they not?

FallenIvy · 08/10/2018 10:51

I think you should have made it clear to your friend that you wanted her as an extra pair of hands for the baby, and to entertain you and provide amusing conversation . Clearly she thinks she has paid to go to a holiday resort to have a holiday

viques Do you just try and be as downright nasty as you can possibly be on every thread? You were awful on a thread yesterday too and got your arse kicked for it.

SandAndSea · 08/10/2018 10:53

I don't think you're being at all unreasonable

The only thing I'd suggest which you might not have thought of is that maybe you're not being explicit enough in your commubications?? Eg. Could you ask her explicitly to look after your baby whilst you have a shower? I think you might need to spell it out. Not when she's hungover though.

Hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday.

SandAndSea · 08/10/2018 10:54

commubications?? Grin

Snog · 08/10/2018 10:56

Yes I would definitely tell your friend she is going to hold your baby for 15 mins while you shower. Just be assertive, she surely cannot refuse and may even enjoy it 😝

SandAndSea · 08/10/2018 10:57

Sorry, OP, we crossed in the ether there. Forget what I said. I would focus on enjoying your time as much as you can. Your 'friend' isn't getting it and probably doesn't want to.

MarthasGinYard · 08/10/2018 10:59

Don't think I'd make an effort to stay mates after this.

Eliza9917 · 08/10/2018 12:03

How old are you both OP? That could have a baring on the situation.

Feb2018mumma · 08/10/2018 12:10

I think becuase you explained what you wanted from her and she agreed before hand you are entitled to be upset.

I have been away a few times with my baby and a holiday isn't a holiday anymore. Unfortunately they are hard work and do mostly prefer home so will be clingy and worse sleepers.

PorkFlute · 08/10/2018 12:11

Dropping hints about how your baby doesn’t like being put down isn’t asking your friend to watch her. Her room is a few steps away. Go and know on the door and say ‘can you watch baby for 15 mins while I get in the shower’. If you haven’t actually asked and been refused I don’t think you can complain that she’s not doing it.

SofaKingFedUp · 08/10/2018 12:17

@Eliza9917 I'm 28 and she is 34.

You're right @PorkFlute I should ask outright. I will ask now and see what she says. I'm just don't like asking cos I'm worried she doesn't want to. Cos I would've offered if it's me. But yeh I need to ask outright

OP posts: