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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry with school

251 replies

Firsttimenamechange1 · 07/10/2018 20:19

Name changed just in case. Posting here for traffic.

A bit of background. After a few years of emotional and verbal abuse along with infidelity on his part, I split with my ex 6 years ago and we have a DD6. He used to sit outside my house everyday when we first split. (He has DD for 3 hours every Monday and Tuesday and EOW since the break up. )

I contacted the police on several occasions and logged the fact he sat outside the house along with harassment via text messages every week. I have moved address and not told him where I am (I do drop offs and pick ups to his to avoid him knowing where I live) and also taken out a new phone contract so I message him on my old phone due to the anxiety I feel when I receive a text from him.
He hasn’t paid child maintenance in 6 years and I finally plucked up the courage to contact CMS a couple months ago. He has missed the first 2 payments.

I told the school numourous times that I do not want him knowing my address and new phone number due to the past and I also made them aware the police have been involved and they have acknowledged this.

Today I received a text from him saying that he doesn’t want to go through CMS and the school has given him my new number and address so he will be contacting me on my new number. He then text me on it to prove this. I told him that is my work number and he is to not contact me on that.

I am now scared that they have also given him my address. I will be going down to the school office tomorrow morning and if they have given my details to him what can I do? I thought that with GDPR they can’t do this, along with the fact I have specifically told them I don’t want him knowing my details. Any advice would be appreciated x

OP posts:
Firsttimenamechange1 · 12/10/2018 12:02

Yes, they are part of a trust

OP posts:
ConfusedMum82 · 12/10/2018 12:15

@Firsttimenamechange1 good on you. They cannot just fob you off, the impact tgis has and will have is ridiculous. It's bad enough they screwed up, to now pass you around and mess about is just disgraceful.

Flowers we're all with you, they will get what's coming to them from the ICO.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 12/10/2018 13:06

I’m just so shocked by their attitude. It’s outrageous

If you have to move again could there be s case for the la finding you a new school too? I’m sure if you explained what had happened they might help?

Take care. So glad you’re reporting this shambles of a school

Firsttimenamechange1 · 12/10/2018 13:17

So I followed the schools complaints procedure as advised on LEA website. I went onto ICO website and going through the sections but it says I have to give the school 4 weeks to reply before complaining to ICO.

The online chat is unavailable on my laptop at the moment so I will try again shortly but does anyone know if this is the case that I do have to wait 4 weeks?

Thank you all so much again for the support.

OP posts:
Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 12/10/2018 13:26

You probably do. But it doesn't change anything for you. The information had been given out. Nothing that happens now will change that. They need to face consequences for that, but whether they face them now or in a few weeks... it doesn't make much difference.

Follow the procedure, do what you need to do but don't let them pressure you to forget about it in 4 weeks.

Firsttimenamechange1 · 12/10/2018 13:38

Ok. Thank you. I definitely won’t be forgetting or letting them forget about this in 4 weeks.
I will try live chat again soon. Hopefully it will be back up and running x

OP posts:
OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 12/10/2018 13:45

Put the complaint in writing to the school management stating that you are taking the start date as the first day you complained to them in person. Make it very clear that you are not happy with their actions so far and that you will be going to the ICO if they don't respond stop messing you around or if their actions are not satisfactory. State what you were told and when in that. If they won't email you, then you start the paper chain if that makes sense.

It took three me three complaints, the last one direct to the data officer and a threat of ico action before my dcs school started taking data protection seriously.

Goodwordguide · 12/10/2018 13:57

They will have a school governor in charge of complaints and a governor in charge of information (separate to the information offocrr). Make sure this is escalated to them.

Firsttimenamechange1 · 12/10/2018 14:09

I had a response from the school reception stating that the relevant person is sending it to the person in charge of GDPR to investigate whether it is a breach of data protection or not.

OP posts:
OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 12/10/2018 14:12

Whether??? FFS Angry

CityFarmer · 12/10/2018 14:17

Similar to pp. I'd not move, I'd get a non molestation order. (Dunno if thats terrible advice, just what I'd do.)
Because what prevents ex watching/following home from school to know new address.
However I am in awe of your proactivity.

School have acted terribly.
You have every right to be upset.

flumpybear · 12/10/2018 14:37

Easy solution - they pay to move u and your DD to safe accommodation, removal people, expenses incurred etc
Literally you walk out of one house, they put you up in a hotel for a few days whilst they unpack you stuff and put in place ....

I'm sure it's a GDPR breach along with a whole pile of other breaches

DamsonGin · 12/10/2018 14:43

I wonder if the four weeks is to give an opportunity to rectify the situation. I think in this case that's not possible as they can hardly ask for your ex to hand over the information and to wipe his memory, and assume all will be fine. I would make it clear that this is part of financial abuse, (intimidating you into dropping CMS payments and gaining control over you) and not something they can just put right.

Volant · 12/10/2018 14:43

I like woolduvet’s idea and also to the other pp’s that suggested I have someone with me and also to take minutes if they decline voice recording.

I know you're probably past this stage, but you don't have to have permission to record. It's entirely lawful to record for your own use.

Gazelda · 12/10/2018 15:01

OP, the direct impact on you has been quite severe. The apparent breach was major. Their behaviour since has been unforgivable.

I think that you should concentrate on getting yourself into somewhere you feel safe. I'd speak with Women's Aid to ask them if they can offer you legal support in achieving what you need to do, and ensuring that the breach is properly and speedily addressed.

How the hell will you feel comfortable giving the school your new contact details? This is an extreme breach of trust and I think that they need to realise that it's more than one of their parents they've pissed off. There are implications to what's happened and I think it's now time they had this spelt out to them by someone in authority, eg a legal representative from an organisation such as WA.

Also, you've got more than enough on your plate. I think you should be supported in this issue. I'm sure you don't want revenge, but you and your family need justice. Let experts help you achieve this.

OliviaBenson · 12/10/2018 16:01

I'd respond back to say you are surprised they appear to be investigating whether a breech occurred at all given that they admitted to you on such date that they had given out the information. You should list dates and times. I'd also include ref to the conversations you had with the secretary and the apologies as far as you are concerned the school has made an admission of guilt.

Mountainsided · 12/10/2018 16:56

I think Olivia’s response is good. They are only referring it today??

Very sorry about the history with your Mum and Dad, and you e done really well to try and maintain contact for your daughter with him, but it might not be in her best interests in the future. But I can imagine how difficult that is to decide to give her her dad in somebody form versus keeping you both safe.

FruitofAutumn · 12/10/2018 17:17

I'd respond back to say you are surprised they appear to be investigating whether a breech occurred at all given that they admitted to you on such date that they had given out the information. You should list dates and times. I'd also include ref to the conversations you had with the secretary and the apologies as far as you are concerned the school has made an admission of guilt.

Sorry but this just isn't true. GDPR does not mean they cannot give out your personal information at all. There are various circumstances when they can and they will want to investigate whether any of these apply
For example the child's address might be considered to be personal information belonging to THE CHILD as well as you and if he has PR, it may be he has a righto know.

MulticolourMophead · 12/10/2018 18:03

The non resident parent doesn't automatically have a right to know the address. For many reasons, such as DA as in this case.

OliviaBenson · 12/10/2018 18:49

The op has clearly instructed school never to pass on information due to history so there's absolutely been a breach.

BlueThesaurusRex · 12/10/2018 19:00

Is there a whistle blowing policy on the schools website? They often have some useful contacts you can use if you’re still being ignored i.e. they may link to a local authority audit section or investigatory function who will be very interested to hear about this and will not let it go...

Stressedoutmamma · 15/10/2018 15:31

Any news first time

slimjemima · 15/10/2018 15:37

You have to give them a reasonable chance to investigate.

treezylover · 15/10/2018 15:41

I was doing some governor GDPR training and came across this- thought it was pretty apt. Hope you’re ok OP, I’ve been thinking about your situation all weekend and each time it makes me so cross for you.

To be angry with school
Nesssie · 15/10/2018 16:04

They are stalling. They know they've royally screwed up and are panicking. This is probably one of the worst breaches of DP that a school can do.