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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry with school

251 replies

Firsttimenamechange1 · 07/10/2018 20:19

Name changed just in case. Posting here for traffic.

A bit of background. After a few years of emotional and verbal abuse along with infidelity on his part, I split with my ex 6 years ago and we have a DD6. He used to sit outside my house everyday when we first split. (He has DD for 3 hours every Monday and Tuesday and EOW since the break up. )

I contacted the police on several occasions and logged the fact he sat outside the house along with harassment via text messages every week. I have moved address and not told him where I am (I do drop offs and pick ups to his to avoid him knowing where I live) and also taken out a new phone contract so I message him on my old phone due to the anxiety I feel when I receive a text from him.
He hasn’t paid child maintenance in 6 years and I finally plucked up the courage to contact CMS a couple months ago. He has missed the first 2 payments.

I told the school numourous times that I do not want him knowing my address and new phone number due to the past and I also made them aware the police have been involved and they have acknowledged this.

Today I received a text from him saying that he doesn’t want to go through CMS and the school has given him my new number and address so he will be contacting me on my new number. He then text me on it to prove this. I told him that is my work number and he is to not contact me on that.

I am now scared that they have also given him my address. I will be going down to the school office tomorrow morning and if they have given my details to him what can I do? I thought that with GDPR they can’t do this, along with the fact I have specifically told them I don’t want him knowing my details. Any advice would be appreciated x

OP posts:
GiraffeObsessedBaby · 11/10/2018 18:12

Draft your complaint. Agree to the meeting but specify that you will be bringing someone alone as a chaperone - they can't talk just listen and observe. Also advise that you will be recording the meeting use a dictaphone and make sure that you can record audio on your phone or get a cheap dictation device.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 11/10/2018 18:20

I would also get the governors involved. Ask one of them to be present.

I’m worried they’ll try to railroad you into agreeing to drop it. Definitely have someone with you (on your side)

Having it minuted and signing every page If you agree is a great idea.

Good luck.

LadyLuna16 · 11/10/2018 18:21

I thought under GDPR if an organisation is aware they have had a data breach that is serious (ie giving out personal data) they have to report to ICO witrhin a time frame? 72hours I think.

They really should be reporting themselves to the ICO or they could be in even more trouble. They don’t get to hope you don’t report and it will all go away.

Astounded by how badly they are handling this.

OliviaBenson · 11/10/2018 18:26

I'd agree to meet but first you want an email. I'd also ask them if they've self reported to the ICO as required....

Elisheva · 11/10/2018 18:33

My friend was involved with a data breach in the social services dept. at our local council. A colleague of hers gave the new address of an adopted child to the birth father. The council had to pay for the family to be rehoused, and for cctv at the new property etc.

64BooLane · 11/10/2018 18:53

Bloody hell OP. This must be overwhelming for you. Flowers

EarlyModernParent · 11/10/2018 19:01

Have you contacted the LEA? I would start copying all messages to the school to them.

woolduvet · 11/10/2018 19:10

Please send me a summary of what happened before the meeting so we both are aware and can discuss the contents.

Firesuit · 11/10/2018 19:34

I'm a bit puzzled by this situation. If both parents live within a reasonable distance of the same school, sure it's going to be very easy for one of them to find out where the other one lives, just by secretly following the child home from school.

Original poster
Firsttimenamechange1 · 11/10/2018 19:39

Thank you all for your replies and advice.

I am drafting a complaint and will speak with them first thing to arrange a meeting.

I like woolduvet’s idea and also to the other pp’s that suggested I have someone with me and also to take minutes if they decline voice recording.

It’s really hitting home how shit this is, having to start packing again just before Christmas holidays etc.

I really appreciate everyone’s advice and comments. Feeling so alone right now x

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 11/10/2018 19:41

Yes to woolduvets suggestion!

Get them to email the summary. Perfect.

GreenTulips · 11/10/2018 19:44

Firesuit

Seriously? Can you not see the trust issue? School have been told not to disclose information and they've done exactly that.

Yes he could've gained the information elsewhere but that's not what happened.

Nightwatch999 · 11/10/2018 19:53

OP no more waiting just write the complaint. Keep any emails from the school as proof they have not adhered or self referred for the data breach. And why keep on moving? Just ignore and block your Ex. If need be get Woman's Aid involved and the Police if he calls round again.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 11/10/2018 19:57

Gosh, I can hear the rumbling of the wagons circling from here!

There's no WAY you will receive an email from them effectively admitting liability. They will have been frantically taking advice on this issue, and are fobbing you off in the meantime. They're hoping that ultimately they can schmooze you into dropping it. Don't!

Purplepinkpurple · 11/10/2018 20:22

Yip. They will have been on the phone to the legal department where they will be advised to admit nothing and hope you get fed up in the meantime.

Rattail · 11/10/2018 21:15

Never stop trying. This is absolutely awful. I agree with tbe fact they should reimburse you

Livpool · 11/10/2018 22:04

I'm a GDPR officer in my work - and (aside from committing a major breach) they are not acting correctly in how to deal with your complaint. I am genuinely appalled xx

ConfusedMum82 · 11/10/2018 22:08

I don't think I would agree to the meeting. From here on out, keep everything in writing. No exceptions. Make it clear that under GDPR rules, this is a massive, inexcusable data breach, one which, after the near miss with the report, needs to be referred to the relevant body. Make them aware you will be bringing this up with the ICO, the LEA and the Police, as they have put you and your daughter at risk of significant harm and harassment.
They are so trying to block you taking it further which is disgraceful, they know they've screwed up.
I know you said legal aid isn't an option, but could you speak to a woman's rights specialist, or social worker? Even the citizens advice bureau?
It's also worth remembering, if you record a meeting, you must ask permission or they can ask for you to delete it.

spaghettiforhair · 11/10/2018 22:36

You should send the complaint regardless and do it before you meet with them. You don't have to tell them you've done that when you meet.

They are stalling for time and you can bet when you meet they will try and fob you off and shift the blame or make excuses and think you'll just leave it.

Fluffypyjamas · 11/10/2018 22:42

I really haven't got much to add here but just wanted to say how awful/worrying this must be for you OP. Did you know you are able to report a breach on the ICO website? ico.org.uk/for-organisations/report-a-breach/ It doesn't sound as if the school are in any hurry to do so or give you the answers you are looking for. Best wishes

Badfridgesmells · 11/10/2018 23:28

I've just RTFT and I am truly gobsmacked. That this could have happened is horrendous, but people are human and mistakes are made.

Inexcusable to put your safety at risk. But to purposefully circumnavigate you and put you off like this whilst trying to cover their asses is absolutely disgusting.

They need to be honest, open, admit their failing. Rectify the situation as much as they can,. Apologize and learn lessons from this. To pretend they are not at fault is a travesty

SocksRock · 12/10/2018 07:03

I was involved in a data breach at the school where I am a governor. The head sent an email to all the new reception children parents without BCC’ing the addresses, so all the parents could see everyone else’s address. We self reported to our Data Protection Officer (we are part of a multi academy trust), they reported to the ICO (within 24 hours), we changed a policy and a computer system to make sure it didn’t happen again, and also a profuse email apology to parents outlining what we had done. I’m appalled at the response from your school, they have totally fucked up here

Mountainsided · 12/10/2018 07:25

Good luck for the meeting. Everyone’s advice for both recording the meeting and taking notes is good. Make them aware that you have to move house now.
Put in writing or discuss everything they told you on the phone that they said they would put in writing. “On the phone you told me xxxx”. As that’s a better record than nothing.

Got the longer term, does seeing him benefit your daughter? As he’ll start asking her where she lives etc now she’s older.

Original poster
Firsttimenamechange1 · 12/10/2018 11:01

This is getting beyond a joke now. I went down there to be told that the person I was due to see is not in today Angry I actually asked if this was a joke.

So I have taken ConfusedMum’s advice and a few others PPs to go ahead with the complaint. I have also sent an email to the school telling them that I now want any further communication in writing due to this and the fact that I have and still am being ignored is outrageous.

Complaining to all today. Hopefully I will get somewhere...

Mountainsided - I really do have to start thinking about the longer term. DD is getting older but the good thing about where we are now is there’s a back road for access so it doesn’t say the road name when we come in. I try to shield DD as much as I can but children are more aware of what goes on sometimes.
I would hate to stop access as it’s her dad. Maybe it’s past experience as something similar happened to me where my DM had issues with addiction and my DF had full custody of me and allowed visits only with him there too. Unfortunately the worst happened but I appreciated the time I spent with her.
It’s an extremely difficult decision to make and I put my hands up and say I’ve been putting off thinking about it but I know I will have to now sort it as I’ll be moving again.

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 12/10/2018 11:42

Totally agree with officially complaining, they obv thought if they ignored you it would go away. Are they part of a trust/academy pyramid for you to go higher st school ?

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