Being told not to comfort toddler

[strugglingpuggle]

Dd is 2.5. Was quite a bad sleeper, but now is a lot better and will generally put herself to sleep and sleep through. Today she is very over tired as she didn't have her afternoon nap.

Usual bath and bedtime. Story, said goodnight and off I went and she went to sleep. I went downstairs to join dh watching tv. 20 mins later, Dd starting crying. Left her for a few minutes (dh and I have argued in the past about me going to her too quickly So I do now try and wait to see if she will settle herself). After a few more minutes she was still screaming and seemed to be getting more distressed so I said I was going up to see what was wrong.

Dh flipped at this point, started shouting, kicked over a toy that was on the floor nearby and stormed off up to bed.

I went and saw Dd, she was upset, think it was a bad dream and after 10 mins of holding her and calming her down has gone back to sleep.

Dh is now not talking to me as said he's upset that I seemed desperate to get up to her and that I need to sort myself out and should of let her cry it out.

What a dick he is, she is little and needed you.

He’s upset that you wanted to comfort your child? And then he had a tantrum and stormed off to bed! What a dick. YWNBU.

Why r you with a man like that?

He’s behaving like a child younger than your dd!

I think YABU not to LTB.

Leave him to cry it out. What a cock

Oh dear, both of them threw their toys out of the pram and you are the adult left picking them up.

I’d wake him up and say you want to discuss this

Or be rational and wait till morning and state that you’ll comfort daughter whenever you want.

Dick

Has he always been such a baby

He was being a massive dick. It's him that needs to sort himself out!

Sounds like he's being a dick. Does he really think you'll have a relaxing evening together while she's distressed upstairs?

Wow. Even I feel like I need a cuddle after a nightmare! It is a bit tricky at that age as it's hard to tell if they are just being awkward and wanting to do anything to get some company or stay awake, or if there's genuinely something wrong.

But I think it's the age that imagination develops a lot, they start role playing, thinking they see or hear things in the dark and having bad dreams. It's all developmentally normal. If she's normally OK though I'd definitely personally err on the side of caution, it's horrible thinking she is genuinely scared of something and too little to differentiate properly between fact and fiction and when she needs comfort no one is there to help her. I'd be checking and cuddling and resettling. If it happens all night every night then I'd maybe rethink but it just feels a bit wrong to ignore a child who is in genuine distress

And his reaction seems extreme. Why is he so upset you comforted your daughter? It's not like undermining one parent in front of the other or anything. He didn't want you to go to her, you did but waited a while befotr going to see if she would go back to sleep - thats compromise. The not talking to you seems childish.

Your DH sounds awful, does he have any redeeming features?

My DD is of similar age and wakes most evenings at least once, crying because she's sleepy and disoriented. A quick cuddle settles her back to sleep and my DH takes turns with me to go to her. That's how your DH should behave!

He is wrong, of course you should comfort a distressed child. Is he always like this?

No no no. I hope you don’t EVER leave your DD in his sole care.

What??

Your husband is upset that you seemed desperate to go to your distressed, screaming child?!?!?!

Fuck him the fuck off. Cunt.

They're only little for a short time. Is he caring in other ways with her or is this a symptom of his relationship with her?

Wow. I couldn’t be with a man who resented his own child getting attention from their mum. How unbelievably selfish.

Only you know if this is normal behaviour for him or a shitty one off. I'm a cuddly, comforting type but I have a 2 year old who is a terrible sleeper and she has pushed me to irrationality before. If it's a one off I would write it off as tiredness or stress and not worry about it.

Tell him to fuck off. Total bellend.

What an arsehole!

If my DH behaved like this I would be furious with him. My DD (10) still has nightmares sometimes and wakes up crying and needs me to come rescue her and give her a reassuring hug! My DS (2) doesn't seem to have nightmares much but if he did I would go and reassure him too, surely that's one of the most important jobs you have as a mother, to reassure your children! I grew up with a mother who would shout and employ the 'tough love' approach when I got upset and in my personal experience it did me no favours.

You've done absolutely nothing wrong, his behaviour actually sounds a bit scary tbh.

God your DH sounds like hard work. My 4yr old still calls for me at night and my OH wouldn’t dream of going off in a strop whilst I go and tend to my DS. Is there other problems in your relationship?

Fuck that shit.

You're right, he's wrong.

Why is it ever ok to just leave babies and children to cry, when we'd not leave an adult like that?

I think you should always check on them when crying, sure she could be being difficult but go to her, see what’s wrong and potentially leave her after a quick cuddle if needed.

In this case it was s nightmare, for which there will be many! And she’s not going to understand them and may well need comfort. But also, what if she had hurt herself? Got a finger trapped or something. If you left her for say 15 mins then you would feel awful!

I know crying it out works for some. I am not dissing it.
But for me personally it is an absolute no.
Children cry for a reason in my eyes. They are only little and need to know someone is there for them to make them feel safe