To retire at 42?

[milkandcrisps]

Obviously not actually retire. Here is my situation. I have no family at all and no partner and few friends.

I am considering having a child. Because of my age I would have to do this with fertility treatment.

I have thought and thought about how I might be able to work with a child and I’m not sure it’s possible. Nursery costs are too high. Plus sometimes I have to do anti social hours.

So - I am considering retiring aged 42. If I took even five years out it’s unlikely I’d get back into my line of work. I don’t think I care as I hate it but am I mad??

Okay do a statement of affairs. Do an online shop on Tescos to include hat you will need every week - nappies, baby food, formula (if not bf), wipes etc. Then think about how much clothes the baby will need. You don’t have support so won’t get hand me downs from family. A cot, a buggy, some toys.

Then think about Christmas and birthdays, school uniforms in a few years. After school clubs, dinner money. Shoes.

Then see if you can make it work.

Also hink what will happen if you get sick. WOild the child have to go into foster care? Do you have anyone close enough who could look after he baby of you had the flu or if you had to go into hospital?

I think c500 a month for clothes food heat electricity shoes treats days out (you will need these wiht a toddler) will be tight.

45k salary would have gone you an ok lifestyle. It will be a huge drop. You might be sad that you can’t give the baby the advantages you had.

Do you know what taco I actually think telling a woman who has lost both parents to get a pet is incredibly rude but that’s been ignored

Yes, I am rude. I am rude because I am bitter, resentful, angry and arsey and I think some of you want to think about how bloody lucky you are before you come here yelling at me about how perfect you are and how shit I am. I don’t give a fuck if I am rude; I am sure you will get over it. If it’s the worst thing you have been through, lucky you.

@Undercoverbanana

We are trying to give her ideas. But she ignores it. She won't discuss different employment options. She won't discuss long term income plans. She won't listen to or respond to questions or comments about them... other than when she is being very rude.

Who has said that they are great and you are shit?

No one has said that you are shit. You are obnoxious but I put that down to you being unhappy.

You're not shit just because you're not in the right circumstances to have a child.

I’m going to carry on giving positive suggestions.

I had no idea what a supportive network fellow mums can be. A group of us shared baby/toddler clothes through the fast-growing stage, passing on through the age ranges.

Could you offer babysitting to someone who has an allotment in exchange for lovely fresh veg? Grow your own?

After a salary of £45k, I bet you have a shitload of stuff you could sell on eBay to make some money. Expensive clothes/jewellery/books/DVDs. It’s amazing what will sell.

Pretty sure OP is on the wind up.

@milkandcrisps

I havnt said a word about my personal experiences. I'm not rubbing my life in your face. I'm not showing off or being mean. But I am trying to discuss a workable solution for you... But you just ignore it.

What you're planning won't work. That sucks. It's rubbish and awful and unfair on you. But it a crap answer doesn't make it any less true. You won't have enough money coming in.

So.. you'll have a year of maternity. A lot of that with income. When it's time to to back, what sort of option will you have in your current position or any position you'd be eligible for?

I am not trying to be obnoxious. What some of you are seeing as rudeness is actually me finding some (not all) of your replies very upsetting.

There are women on here who've been to hell and back.

You're not the only one who has been through tough times.

I'm confused by your finances. You live in an expensive part of the country but rent out a property for only £450 a month? Is that property in a cheaper part of the country? If so, could you live there and rent out your current property for a higher rent to give you more income?

I do understand where you are coming from, at 39 I was single, in a job I hated, still hopeful for children in my future.

I don't thinks its unreasonsable or selfish of you to want to change your life and be a mum, but maybe there are more ways to skin the cat.

If you currently command a salary of £45 k, I assume you have qualifications and transferable skills which could take you into a more child friendly job which would give you an income

When you are thinking about having a child, I'm afraid its not all about you. Of course love and time are important, but its not enough. As I said I don't have an extravagant life, its more than 'just enough' but I can't afford many things I would like to give my son, but he will never be hungry or cold, and will always have enough 'stuff' so that he does not feel excluded from the life his friends have, in fact he does a lot better as an only child than his best mate does as one of five brothers in a two parent family.

Of course you can make it work as a single parent, many of us do, but you don't need to take a nose dive off a financial cliff. You have assests, qualifications, why not use them a bit more effectively to support your goal, rather than literally go for broke.

And everyone needs support, of some sort, be it practical or emotional. I have a lot more support now because I have made new friends in my life as a mum, I've aquired a lot of friends in the last 6 years. You do need to be open to the fact that you will need support and to ways of finding that support

I don’t recall saying I had tall.

I don’t know if you’re trying to help but you aren’t.

Eh? You haven't responded to anything in my post except to say that you're not rude because your life is hard?? Yes that other poster talking about a pet was rude but you are unwilling to listen to any other opinion that isn't yours. Maybe read my post again and actually think about what I am saying.

Be honest. Do you just want posters to tell you it’s a fab idea and everything will work out or do you want people to be realistic?

No Nicky but at the same time I do expect people not to start hurling improbable hypothetical situations at me.

OP, I'm kind of worried about you. There is obviously a HUGE amount of stuff going on in the background that is making you very unhappy. I'm so sorry if that's the case.

People on this thread are frustrated because they're trying to answer your initial question but are finding it impossible because you're so reluctant to offer details about your circumstances. And details are vital for the situation you're thinking of entering.

Is there anything else you'd really like to chat about? I'm serious.

I'm aiming to retire before I'm 50. Why would I want to work any longer than that if I don't have to?

OP if I were in your position (age and desire for a child) I would definitely go for it. I think you have been a bit flippant and others have taken you literally.
Firstly, if you're earning 45k now would you be eligible for maternity pay? If so that would help in the first 9 months. You mentioned child minding so whilst on mat leave you could be setting yourself up on that side- even starting small (1 child) would give you some income and then you would be eligible for working tax credits (probably).
Or could you not return to your job part- time? Do you have savings which would help pay for childcare? If you earned a part- time salary as a Single parent you would prob be eligible for some further benefits.
Basically I would say go for it. Age is not on your side (no offence) and if you can earn 45k now then if the shit hits the fan I'm sure you will be qualified and able enough to find yourself another job that will give you and your a child a decent life. Good luck!

The OP has loads of options to maximise her income over the next year, presuming she gets pregnant straight away. She owns two properties, both of which can be rented out. She could live in a rental one bed for the first two-three years of baby's life and have an income from both properties. She can then weigh up her options, back to some kind of work with some free nursery hours/childminder/paid nursery combination until the child goes to school. All doable.

As Undercoverbanana says you can get in with a good group who will be very supportive. You have to work at this though, lots of invites back to yours, lots of offers of help.

OP is there any extended family at all - or were your parents both only children of only children? Is there any second/third cousin to make contact with and build a relationship with? Any old school friends you could rekindle friendships with. You'd need to build up a network. Financially I don't see the problem. You can maximise that £450 a month by using the property you live in. Swap them over - go live in the cheaper one, rent out the other.

I feel completely invisible.

Asking fair, valid questions so help you possibly think through a different plan and find a workable future. And you just ignore ignore ignore.

Trying to give practical advice here.

It doesn’t seem like you have really thought the practical side of this through to be honest. You are having a very emotional repossessed to what appears to be an emtoinal decision.

THe vibe you are giving is a very unhappy and lonely lady. Bringing s baby into your life will certainly shift he focus and open to door into a new world. You will over the years make new friends and fill your down time. With a lot of new activities.

If you do t seem to have though through the life you will be giving this little person. I think that is why people are repsonding the way they are.

Some people find themselves broke and alone and raising a child. It’s not opideal but they make it work. You seem to be doing that deliberately- which just seems odd.

Fifty which can’t answer because I don’t know yet!

Look I am sorry for being an arse if I was but ... well. It’s hard to say one way or another.

Dolly I will repeat

It is not as if I have the choice of a lovely conventional experience of parenthood and this.

This IS my chance at parenthood.

It wouldn't be fair on your child to give up your current job and live on such a low income. You may not care about that now while your child is only theoretical but you will feel really crap once you have had them. You need to really think about whether you want a child or if this is more about giving up the job you hate and feeling less lonely.
If you do feel you could offer a child a good life, perhaps consider keeping your job until they are school age and hiring a live in nanny. I can't see that anything else will work if you are single and work very variable hours. Once they are at school and you don't have to pay so much for childcare you could change jobs/career.

20 years of pension is not much for when you do actually intend to retire, so how will you continue your retirement savings in this situation? Is your parents' house your 'retirement fund'?

You currently earn £45k with little responsibility, two houses neither of which has a mortgage on it. So, while you've been earning that plus £450pm, how much have you saved and how much have you lived on?

I have (until next week) been earning £43kpa (part time), and from that paying £720pm into my pension, saving £600pm, paying £400pm commuting costs and my house costs c£300pm to run (no mortgage). Leaves me about £800pm to live on and it's not easy to be honest. For bigger purchases - holidays, big family birthdays, gig/theatre tickets/weekends etc - I dip into my savings (which I am happy to do because I am essentially swapping savings for pension).

But I have c£175k in my pension, plus a small final salary pension, and £80k in 'other savings' (cash and equities. I am 50, 5 years til I can draw down from my pension and 17 years til I can claim state pension). My 'other savings' bring in an income of c£2.5k pa.

And no way would I think I could give up work now and live on £530pm, and that's just me on my own.

Of course, have a baby if that's what you want - essentially people do what they want - but you need to think more carefully about the numbers.