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AIBU?

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Original poster

To retire at 42?

385 replies

milkandcrisps · 06/10/2018 17:25

Obviously not actually retire. Here is my situation. I have no family at all and no partner and few friends.

I am considering having a child. Because of my age I would have to do this with fertility treatment.

I have thought and thought about how I might be able to work with a child and I’m not sure it’s possible. Nursery costs are too high. Plus sometimes I have to do anti social hours.

So - I am considering retiring aged 42. If I took even five years out it’s unlikely I’d get back into my line of work. I don’t think I care as I hate it but am I mad??

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 06/10/2018 19:55

You would have very, very little money with no contingency. I think you should have a baby but only if you have a financial network in place as the emphasis to provide with only be on you.

But you clearly don’t want to hear that and just want posters to say “yey for it, as long as you have love it will be great”

Tallzarazara · 06/10/2018 19:56

Just because you can have a child, doesn't mean you have the right to deprive a child of a father deliberately.

Sweetiedarlingletmein · 06/10/2018 19:57

OP you are coming across as very rude. I don’t see the point of asking a question on a public forum if you are not going to listen to any of the answers that don’t fit in with what you want to hear. People are just trying to help. You are going to do what you want anyway. I wish you all the best.

Original poster
milkandcrisps · 06/10/2018 19:57

Because tall I’ve come through absolute hell with no support so you know.

OP posts:
Original poster
milkandcrisps · 06/10/2018 19:57

Yeah well I am feeling quite rude tbh

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 06/10/2018 19:57

No one is being smug. They are just telling you the realities of providing for a child and until you have one then you won’t fully understand the burden it places on you financially.

Original poster
milkandcrisps · 06/10/2018 19:59

The biggest expense of all is childcare. As I’m sure you know Smile

OP posts:
Tallzarazara · 06/10/2018 20:00

It's unfair on the child to bring into the circumstances you describe.

Nicknacky · 06/10/2018 20:02

Childcare is a massive cost for some but it doesn’t mean children are cheap if you don’t have that expense.

£530 for all expenses a month for two people gives you no buffer at all.

buscaution · 06/10/2018 20:02

£530 a month for you and a child? Not a situation I would put myself into willingly. I know lots of people manage on less, but managing wouldn't be enough for me.

CharlieandLolaCat · 06/10/2018 20:02

Childcare is only the biggest expense if you pay for it.

You are saying it won't figure in your calculations therefore it won't be the biggest expense. However, you will still need to feed and clothe this child, you will need to keep it warm and sheltered. These things only get more expensive as time goes by.

Tallzarazara · 06/10/2018 20:02

The biggest expense is childcare in the first few years.

There are plenty more costs to come after that.

You didn't answer my question, what would you do if you were hospitalised? Do you have people you trust that would care for the child?

Original poster
milkandcrisps · 06/10/2018 20:03

Tall just give it up, seriously.

I’m glad all worked out so great for you, it didn’t for me. End of.

OP posts:
Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 06/10/2018 20:03

@milkandcrisps

The biggest expense may be childcare FOR A SHORT TIME.

£500 a month is not enough for a good life.

You're ignored me at least twice already but I will try again.

You'll have a year of maternity; a lot of that with pay. When it's time to go back, is it possible to work part time in your industry?

Is it possible to take a step down the ladder for less hours?

Is it possible to start up on your own as a freelancers with a reliable income?

You're acting like the only way for you to do this is unemployed. But that is not going to work. You don't have enough money.

heligoland · 06/10/2018 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
milkandcrisps · 06/10/2018 20:05

Yes which is why I have said I will do some freelance work but as I’ve also said I’m not relying on it.

I do agree childcare is expensive for a relatively short time but unfortunately it’s one of those which won’t go away entirely for a good decade. It’s not just childcare it’s the actual logistics of working late when there’s a kid in the picture.

And I know full well it’s selfish and to be honest I am past caring.

OP posts:
Original poster
milkandcrisps · 06/10/2018 20:06

Good luck to you too hel. Hope it will get easier. But you aren’t me and I’m not you.

OP posts:
Undercoverbanana · 06/10/2018 20:06

Does everyone have their first child with utter confidence that everything is 100% secure forever? That they will never struggle financially, never be a single parent, never wonder how to pay for xyz?

We have no idea what our futures bring and certainly no idea what will happen economically, especially with this Brexit thing.

I am really surprised that there is not a bit more support for the OP. Positive ideas, suggestions, positive stories, advice etc .....

Tallzarazara · 06/10/2018 20:07

I'm being honest with you. Not just saying what you want to hear.

I haven't said everything worked out great for me. I've been through very hard times. I haven't had an easy life.

You don't have a baby to make yourself feel better.

TacoLover · 06/10/2018 20:07

I don't think I've ever come across someone so rude on hereHmm

OP if you're only prepared to hear what you want to hear then what's the point of starting this thread? Multiple posters have told you that you won't be able to afford a child. It's obvious that it would be morally wrong to bring a child into the world that you won't be able to provide for. That makes you selfish; if you don't care about being selfish, fine, but don't act like it isn't shitty to have a child that you can't afford that will therefore suffer for your own happiness.

Billben · 06/10/2018 20:07

Sweet Lord, I seriously hope you don’t have a child for a long while yet. For someone your age you seem incredibly naive.

Nicknacky · 06/10/2018 20:08

undercover None of us know what the future holds and we can only deal with the hand fate deals us. But that’s not the situation her, a child will knowingly be born into poverty and is that fair on that child?

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 06/10/2018 20:09

@milkandcrisps

Really trying to help here. Try so work along with me.

You'll have a year or maternity, a lot of it with pay. Is it possible to work part time in your industry? Paying childcare whilst you work part time will leave you with the same small amount of money, but it keeps you in a job. So when the kid is at school, you're still working and you then get to keep the money that you spend on nursery.

Is it possible to move to a different position in the company to allow suitable hours?

You do not have enough money coming in if you stick to your current plan.

ohamIreally · 06/10/2018 20:09

Just go and have a look at the UC thread on Feminism Chat if you want a feel for how it is being a lone parent with no money.

Your child is theoretical now but once its here you will hate that it is cold and hungry and you can't give it a good life.

Undercoverbanana · 06/10/2018 20:09

OP - there are loads of things you can do to earn a bit of money along the way. Leaflet delivery, ironing, cleaning .... I don’t know what your industry is but you are coming from a massive salary (for most people) and that must come with transferable skills. Can you operate self-employed - work nights while your DC is young and in bed?

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