To retire at 42?

[milkandcrisps]

Obviously not actually retire. Here is my situation. I have no family at all and no partner and few friends.

I am considering having a child. Because of my age I would have to do this with fertility treatment.

I have thought and thought about how I might be able to work with a child and I’m not sure it’s possible. Nursery costs are too high. Plus sometimes I have to do anti social hours.

So - I am considering retiring aged 42. If I took even five years out it’s unlikely I’d get back into my line of work. I don’t think I care as I hate it but am I mad??

I still don't really understand how you are funding your whole life with 450/m but this clearly is above my head anyway!

Good for you hel

I am so pleased your life is so very perfect.

Mines shit.

Great.

Op, honestly, I think you'd be completely selfish to plan a baby at 42, with no father, no extended family, and barely any money.

For one, having the baby is the easy part, they're relatively cheap and don't need anyone or anything but someone to love and feed them.

A 9 year old? Totally different story. They are going to miss out on their father. Single parents do a fantastic job, I know I've been one, but the ideal is two parents.

As kids get older they get more expensive, have you seen how much school shoes are lately? Football boots? Hobbies? school trips? That pair of trainers they want so badly.

Holidays in the school holidays are extortionate too.

What about if you're ill and need a babysitter, or if you're at your wits end and need a break?

It's easy to think when they're tiny and you are their whole world that you'll overcome all of that with love.

The reality might be quite different.

If the property you live in now is owned outright then over the next year of earning £45k a year you could save a substantial amount, if you haven't already (perhaps you've just paid the mortgage off though and what you save this year will be spent on IVF but even then when you do get pregnant you've still got another 8-9 months to save quite a few thousand). It is doable. A lot of people have been trying to work out your figures. Try or you'll regret it. If you don't get pregnant you won't have the regret of never knowing.

Bad idea. Just work two days a week

That’s is such a rude reply to a poster who has given you the benefit of a similar situation and has taken the time to offer advise.

If your life is shit now then being broke with a baby isn’t going to improve it.

@milkandcrisps

Everytime someone's asks something which you don't like or simply cannot argue against, you say "that's not what I'm asking" but it is. You're asking if it's possible to stop working at 42 and never go back whilst raising a child. So asking how will you replace a boiler or washing machine is relevant. How will you pay for uniform, school trips, shoes, clothes, food, entertainment. Your own dental treatment etc etc. How will you fund all of that?

Or is your plan to simply spend your life living on lentils and saying no to everything your child asks for? To take out a loan everytime something breaks?

You cannot live on £500 a month and pay all bills, food, clothes, toiletries, necessities, treats. It's not possible.

You also say "i can't sell the house, don't ask" and "I can't change hours, don't ask". Does no one work part time in your company? Can you take a step down the ladder in order to work less hours? You'll have a year of maternity. Is it impossible to request part time on your return?

The chances of getting pregnant are very slim and it will use up a huge chunk of your savings. So you can't rely on those.

Too right I’m being selfish. Too right

Rude reply? I actually think it is very rude to lecture me pompously at length on how wonderful she is and how shit I am.

Anyway this thread is helping no one.

Rent out both properties and go live somewhere cheaper. Go live abroad for example for a few years, somewhere cheap, you'll have money coming in from both properties, loads of options. You'll meet loads of people having babies, build up a network of support. It can be done.

“April2018mom

Don’t do it. I’m in my twenties and I have no interest in retiring for years to come. Why are you rushing into things?”

This post is hilarious. Winning most irrelevant point of the day prize

Op, you’re not being selfish, ignore those. Do you know what, we are always bloody skint, but I make ends meet, and I love my children more than anything in the world. My children are happy and healthy, and they know they are loved. Yes, I can’t take them out for days out and treats, but that’s not the most important thing in life. Love is....

Milkandcrisps there's nothing actually wrong with being selfish at times and over certain things.

But having a child that you have no means to support is selfish in the wrong kind of way.

@milkandcrisps

She didn't. At all.

She actually said she struggles with it. It's physically draining. Mentally draining. Expensive. Exhausting. That doesn't sound like someone saying they have a perfect life. What she did say is that she feels all that despite having 2 salaries and a support network. You won't have that. So if it really is all those things to her, then it could be all those things and much harder to you.

It was a very kind, information post from someone who had kids late. People are trying to help you but you're not listening.

You don't want advice. You don't want to think about it. You don't want to try and plan what you will do. Because you know it is a silly, unreasonable, selfish plan and any child born into that sort of life will struggle. But you don't want to think about that. Because it's all about you... not about a family.

Oh the old “love is the most important thing”!!!

Yes because you can pay Tesco with love tokens. Let’s not do children a disservice by saying you don’t need money to raise them. You do.

I don't know about "retiring"! Your new life would be very stressful, busy, exhausting - especially as a single parent without a partner or family to support you. I wouldn't fancy it, tbh. What happens when you're ill? Or when the DC is ill? Is it really fair to inflict this sort of life on a child? No daddy, aunties, uncles, cousins, grandparents? I don't mean to be harsh, but...

She’s not me.

Of course I’ll struggle. Struggling with something isn’t a reason not to do it. Am I seriously never going to have a child because someone with a perfect life did it and struggled?

Love is the most important thing, but it isn't the only important thing.

You need money and you definitely need support.

You're not selfish to want a child. You are however being naive about how much it costs.

I do need money so it is a good thing I have some isn’t it?

I do not need support.

But do you want your potential child to struggle? That's the question.

@milkandcrisps

You cannot raise a child on £500 a month. What you're planning, you cannot do.

Make a different plan. You won't answer questions about working part time or changing jobs etc. But please God, at least bloody think about it.

You cannot have a child and live on £500 a month.

Yeah totally tall. I lie awake at night thinking about how they are going to struggle and feel so happy.

Look I dare say this will get me banned but some of you smug arseholes really need to stop and have a think.

Do you not think if I could have had a child with a partner who would share the financial and physical and mental load with I would?

Do you not think coming on here and telling me how much more sorted you are but you still struggle sounds?

I’m not interested. I’ve spent my life doing what others want. I’m doing this for ME.

How the hell do you know that you don't need support if you've not had a child yet?

What will you do if you get a serious illness and are hospitalised, who would have the child?

Ok, so that leaves about 50 a week after bills. I manage food clothes and clubs for me and 4dc on that (cheap part of country though!)
I suppose you can put any extra you make towards treats/ holidays. It’s not easy but doable, and if it makes you happy I’d do it. You can always go back to work in a different job in the future if you need to.