To retire at 42?

[milkandcrisps]

Obviously not actually retire. Here is my situation. I have no family at all and no partner and few friends.

I am considering having a child. Because of my age I would have to do this with fertility treatment.

I have thought and thought about how I might be able to work with a child and I’m not sure it’s possible. Nursery costs are too high. Plus sometimes I have to do anti social hours.

So - I am considering retiring aged 42. If I took even five years out it’s unlikely I’d get back into my line of work. I don’t think I care as I hate it but am I mad??

What if anything happened to you OP ? What about your DC ? Who would care for them?

I don't think you can afford what you suggest. You might be able to afford something else.

However, I'm going to post about fertility treatment, since that's been less discussed than the rest.

It's not impossible you get pregnant, at your age, as a result of cheap treatment options (donor sperm self-applied; unmedicated IUI). But it is statistically not the most likely option. Some clinics may not allow you to do cheaper options.If you are sub-fertile, as you are likely to be at 39, they don't want to bring down their success rates. After 35, you can't balance costs by offering egg donation, which is a common suggestion. With all of that taken into account, the likely option is you'd end up doing IVF, which has roughly a 1 in 3 chance of success. So, say you do three cycles. That could easily eat up 15k, even if nothing goes wrong and everything is textbook. It's very likely to be much more.

I am not intending to scaremonger about your age and fertility treatment. I'm subfertile and I've done fertility treatments, and I am a regular on the MN fertility threads. And I realise from those threads that most people (including most MNers) have not the slightest idea of how difficult and expensive it can be to get pregnant through fertility treatment. You might like to imagine that we're all people who've been trying for years and you're nothing like us - but actually, your story is a common one, and there are still plenty of women spending thousands each month in the hope of a baby. If you are tight on money, you can't afford not to think about this.

It’s nothing to do with baby expense. You’ll struggle to pay for basic bills and food on £550 a month for yourself

I think if you saved hard just now until baby born to get some savings you could realistically take 3 years out with your income £530 a month is not a lot but if you have savings for rainy day ie if boiler breaks in your house or the one you rent out, or something then yes it is doable once your child is 3 and entitled to at least 15 hours in nursery you could perhaps work from home even 10 hours minimum wage work would supplement by £80 as week

I would hope you do have savings but you can live well on less it depends on your bills I am assuming from what you say you own your house as no mortgage or rent, therefore it is electric, gas water phone, council tax will be lower as single 25% discount

however you often can't get housing benefit if you own a second home, however as your parents house might jointly belong to a sibling I'm not sure how that pans out but benefit people may insist you force a sale but that would depend on terms of your parents will

I suggest while saving you try living on £530 for 2-3 months and see if it really is long term sustainable babies don't have to cost a lot you can get cots buggies etc second hand and other bed room furniture toys and books overflow at charity shops the big expenses are nappies and milk if you don't breastfeed, childrens clothes are relatively inexpensive

sit down and calculate monthly expenditure as it is now, ( don't forget annual things like tv licence house insurance christmas birthdays) what can reasonably be cut down without living on baked beans and lentils and what is left over £50 a week for food would be fine for you and baby/toddler we spend about £80 on food laundry toiletries a week for 2 adults and 8 year old we eat meat we buy wine occasionally

That is because nick you are not my bank managers I need to justify a five year plan to. I will deal with problems as and when they arise. It is very likely it will all go wrong. However I have insurance and I have not yet needed to fork out a penny.

Yes glint struggling but possible.

LRD believe me I know but that is not what I am posting about, thanks.

At the last count you need 35 years contributions to claim state pension

If you really want a baby have one. I'd look into renting a room out though - you could get foreign students in for £100 a week, maybe more. I think £4-5k from renting your room out is tax free. You'll have to compromise. Or sell the property you live in now, which you say is in a high cost area, move somewhere cheaper. Try and have a spare room to rent out for up to another £400-500 a month.

the average cost of raising a child might be 230,000 this is £12,777 per year, there are plenty of people that have 2 child with an income not much above that, you can bring up a child on a lot, lot less

Fair enough but you did ask opinions on your plan and it was a valid question. I feel you probably have no sensible answer as insurance doesn’t cover the washing machine breaking down due to wear and tear.

I think it would be thoroughly irresponsible and selfish to being a child deliberately into poverty just so you have have someone beside you.

Depending on what work you do now and what other skills you have, could you work freelance or start your own business at some point? Plenty of options available to work without having a traditional 9-5 job. Especially by the time your child starts school, you'd have plenty of time to work from home during the day.

I understand your situation, I too have some rental income from a property as my father died when I was young, and no mortgage on my home. I don't plan to have kids but I have another life plan that involves doing things I care about and not having a 9-5 job. I might not earn lots but I think it will work for me and being happy matters more than working in a job for the sake of it.

The OP is actively planning a life where she and her child would exist on about £15 a day - every day, for the rest of her life. I know people end up in situations like this and get by, but to actively plan to bring a child into a life of borderline poverty seems irresponsible to me.

^I completely agree

I'd do it. Just try. You'll regret it if you don't. You'll make do and manage as most of us do. Train to become a teacher, or TA/something with more set hours. There are always opportunities out there.

I say go for it. If you can rent out the house you can always move to a cheaper part of the UK if you need to. Rent a house in a cheaper area than where your house is. Also when your child if you have one is at school you may get a taste for working again.

I think time is more important than money OP. A lot of people don't get this but I think you should read Tom Hodgkinson's book ''how to be free'', it's brilliant. Really made me think about things I was doing that wasted money and sucked up my time and money. Number one, outsourcing my entertainment. (to netflix for example) he suggests becoming a master at something in the old fashioned sense, a master at your hobbie. Making cakes, sewing, making clothes, writing, being an artist, gardening, tarot card reading, whatever

You remind me of a friend who is quite dramatic to be honest and everything is always extreme- if it can’t be done now in this exact way it will never happen. I can’t tell you how much my career changed for the better once I started trying for children.

Don’t worry for it for now, and go with the flow. You can’t control everything

lots of practical suggestions about how to live a good life on a low income It wouldn't be for everybody but it's kind of how I see my life shaping up as I grow older. I have my house (no mortgage) and I value time more than money.

Your salary is high enough to cover childcare costs (I’ve done similar with twins in an expensive area of the country) but I agree the anti social hours are a challenge. Is there no way to find similar role without the late nights/early mornings? (Although don’t do this until after you’ve had mat leave from current job especially if you would get good package)
It is possible, if not easy, to find early morning/late night childcare (eg via childcare.co.uk etc) so if I was you (and I was you a few years ago) I would keep the job for now, save as much as you can (tough with the cost of fertility treatment too though), take mat leave and then see what you can work out after that. It may seem now that there are no options but you just don’t know until you really look - you may find your employer is more flexible than you think, or you find the perfect flexible childminder or who knows?
As others have said though, start trying sooner rather than later as you don’t have age on your side
Best of luck

I'm a single parent by choice. I adopted in my late forties.

Your financial plan seems a bit vague to me. What about maintenance costs on your rental property, your own housing costs, running a car or paying for other transport.

I made it work for me by changing my job to something much more child friendly, it took me two years to find that job. I work part time because my son has some additional needs, but I will be going back up towards full time over the next two years. I don't run a car , because I can walk to work. I don't think we have an extravagant lifestyle but I can afford holidays in the uk ( youth hostels or staying with friends.) and to give my son good birthdays and Christmases to treat him to a meal out now and again, gym membership and a decent hairdresser for me. If we need shoes or a new winter coat I can afford it
My biggest worries are financial - whilst day to day we do OK, there is no cushion - what if the cooker/freezer/hoover/washing machine broke down. I worry about my roof leaking or the electrics blowing up. I had some plumbing done a few weeks ago, piping, taps, replacement radiators - it cost £600 which I saved 6 months for. I'm far from the poverty line, at least I could afford to save. I have access to credit for emergencies. My family live two hours away so although willing can't be of any practical day to day use - but are there for emergencies.
The level of income you are talking about would probably be ok for the first couple of years, but then it would get harder. I have the same income now as I had 6 years ago when my son moved in - I'm now in the cycle of needing repairs to the house, replacement white goods, the savings I had are gone, prices have gone up, my income has reduced in real terms. At 14 my son eats as much as an adult and is well out of children's clothes.
After a few years I think it would probably become quite soul destroying for you.
Also do not forget about your own long term financial future. The state pension is diminshing. Its one thing to be live on a low income when you are young and healthy, another when you are old and in poorer health.

It's very easy for people who already have their children and their cosy life to tell you that what you have isn't enough to offer to a child. You should know and accept your place.

But actually you have a lot to offer a child: a loving parent who prioritises them, a secure home, an adequate income to get by.

You only have one life, OP. It's up to you to choose how you want to live it.

So I am a single mother by choice. My DS is now 4 1/2 and has just started school. I went back to work, admittedly not early mornings and late nights but when he was 11 months old. He has been in nursery 7.30-6.30 ever since and is now at school 8-6 and is very happy. I work hard to provide for my child but if I didn't, I would struggle to get by on what you are suggesting.

When without a mortgage/rent, if you take in to account council tax, gas, electric, water, tv licence, insurance that probably takes out most of your money and that is before you have even left the house. Do you own a car? Will you need one? What about groceries? Things like swimming lessons? School trips? I have little help, my DS is my responsibility I don't accept it when offered easily but I am getting better at that.

I am also aware that I want my DS to grow up to believe in strong, independent women who can do (almost) anything. I also use work to keep me sane. I love my DS, he is my life but our relationship is intense in a way that my friends' relationships with their children isn't. I need the break.

You can of course do whatever you want but you need to be realistic about how much things cost.

Well who knows what will happen. I’m not necessarily saying I will never work again but ultimately I don’t see how I’ll be able to do much. It’s easy saying ‘oh well OTHER single parents do’ but they usually have a bit of support at least.

You said above it would not include mortgage?

I don't think there's anything wrong with going ahead and having a baby, doing it alone, if that's what you really want to do.

I do think planning on "retiring" is bonkers as is planning to live on £500 a month. Most single parents work as well as raise their child. You can have a years mat leave,and then after that go back to either your existing job or find another one on a part time basis - generally 3 days a week seems to be a good balance for most working mums - and 3/5 of £45K is £27K, still plenty extra even after nursery fees are paid (and you will get free hours at 3, so you'll get a significant reduction in fees after a year).

Your focus and insistence on not working suggests to me that your primary aim is to change your life and give up work, and the baby is your way of justifying / facilitating that - I think you should reflect on that a while before pushing ahead, because if this is the case, its really not fair on the baby.

Oh I see you meant you don't have one. Fair enough

Don’t do it. I’m in my twenties and I have no interest in retiring for years to come. Why are you rushing into things?