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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To retire at 42?

385 replies

milkandcrisps · 06/10/2018 17:25

Obviously not actually retire. Here is my situation. I have no family at all and no partner and few friends.

I am considering having a child. Because of my age I would have to do this with fertility treatment.

I have thought and thought about how I might be able to work with a child and I’m not sure it’s possible. Nursery costs are too high. Plus sometimes I have to do anti social hours.

So - I am considering retiring aged 42. If I took even five years out it’s unlikely I’d get back into my line of work. I don’t think I care as I hate it but am I mad??

OP posts:
IcedPurple · 06/10/2018 18:30

That was just an example. The OP is actively planning a life where she and her child would exist on about £15 a day - every day, for the rest of her life. I know people end up in situations like this and get by, but to actively plan to bring a child into a life of borderline poverty seems irresponsible to me.

Taffeta · 06/10/2018 18:30

Where do I sign up for a full state penguin?

LeftRightCentre · 06/10/2018 18:30

and yet many on MM seem to get their knickers in a twist about other women wanting to have a child and claim CTC/WTC etc etc.

Except now it's UC. You'd have to be on glue to give up a £45k job to go on those. Plus you wouldn't be able to stay at home until your child was 5 on them, either. The threshold is age 3.

Randomusername01 · 06/10/2018 18:31

Also i thought that if you claimed cb, then that also contributed towards your state pension requirements?

LeftRightCentre · 06/10/2018 18:32

At the very worst you will be entitled to tax credits etc and so will have a minimum with which to live,

No, she'll get UC. EVERYONE is moving to UC in 2019. It's not enough to live on. The days of cushy tax credits are over.

greendale17 · 06/10/2018 18:32

@LittleBookofCalm

dont ask on mumsnet, they will jump on you for considering going on benefits.

^And rightly so. Benefits are for people who fall on hard times. It is not and shouldn’t be for people who choose a different lifestyle

Blessthekids · 06/10/2018 18:33

@milkandcrisps

I think if you are serious about this then start saving now, put aside as much money as possible into income earning assets and an emergency fund. Perhaps try living off the 450 a month and see how it goes.
I agree that having a baby alone can be scary so do some research in your local area for support groups and activities. Join them as soon as you can, a local network of friendly mums can be a life saver. Start getting to know your neighbours, having someone just to borrow some milk and keep a spare set of house keys is very helpful. If there is a neighbourhood forum group, join them.

I agree with others in a sense that having a child may not be the answer you are looking for. Have a real honest look into your heart. However, if you are absolutely sure then start getting things in order to make it work. Good luck x

CrazyAllAroundMe · 06/10/2018 18:33

So much negative. Do it. I would. If a child is what you want; they turn your life upside down but are a miracle and fill your life with love even if they drive you mad. I've a friend who is a 50yr old single mum she's has a 10yr old DS and retrained as a TA to fit school hours etc. Get a pension forecast for the private it might surprise you. People lose their jobs everyday and manage till they find new. I personally could survive on little compared to what I read on here and as long as you're happy with the choice go for it. A 12/18 months minimum to start /conceive /give birth then maternity pay. That's a relatively long time to put some money by and work on a plan and see how things pan out 🤞 I wish you all the best whatever you decide.

lizzie1970a · 06/10/2018 18:37

I'm a bit confused by it all. You say, if I've understood correctly, that you have a salary now of £45k a year. Do you have a mortgage to pay? If not, is the £450 a month income you refer to what you think you'll get in benefits with your rent paid for on top if you were to have a child as a single parent? If you don't have a mortgage you could have saved a lot of that income to have put aside for nursery or a child minder for a few years until the child is school age. If you didn't save then you could still save a fair chunk as it'll be a year before a baby arrives if you're going down the sperm donor route. A lot of people muddle through until the child gets to school. Perhaps you weren't able to save as rent took up a lot of your income.

You won't be able to claim your private pension at age 55 as such. I don't know the ins and outs but I think you can take out 25% of it tax free when age 55. I think also that's if it is no more than £30k. I don't quite understand what happens with the other 75% of your pension. I think you can take it but will be taxed on it or you get an annuity. One of my pensions won't let me take a lump sum at 55 as it is over £30k now. Not sure if that goes for all of them so check your wording.

If you go ahead with having a baby I'd save as much as possible this next year, take a year's maternity leave (perhaps doing some work from home if you can) get a child minder. Short term it'll be very hard but long term so much better than 'retiring' age 42.

ilooovechristmas · 06/10/2018 18:39

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Gigglebrain · 06/10/2018 18:39

If I had waited until I could afford a baby I would not have had one (2). Best thing I ever did. I claim benefits, although I do work part time and couldn’t care less what MN thinks of me. I was a stay at home mum until they went to school, and I bloody loved every second of it.
Op, I do have family, but they are quite a way away, so have never relied on family to help. It will be hard, but you can do it!

ShannonRockallMalin · 06/10/2018 18:41

Surely with 20 plus years working under your belt it would feasible to get back to work when your child is older? It doesn’t have to be the same job. Are your skills transferable to an area of work that would fit in better with life as a lone parent? I am the same age as you, and have worked various part time jobs since having DCs - they are now heading into their teens and I am looking forward to the chance to restart a proper career, not thinking that my working life is over!

Original poster
milkandcrisps · 06/10/2018 18:43

Hokay. Let’s try to explain for confused people.

My salary is £45,000 a year. However that is in an expensive area of the country. It also involves late nights and early mornings that just don’t fit in with having a child (and I can’t avoid them, its like being a doctor and saying I don’t do blood.)

I do own a house - belonged to my parents actually - which is let out. I can’t sell it but I get £450 a month from tenants. (Please don’t ask why I can’t sell it. I can’t. Take my word for it.)

Yes, having a baby is awful and selfish and makes me a terrible person and all, I know, but that’s not why I started the thread so no I’m not willing to discuss it.

Yes, retire should have been in inverted commas.

450 would be including council tax and electricity etc but not mortgage. It would be slightly more as I didn’t include CB in that so actually 530 and possibly a bit more as I would do some work but freelance. But I have to assume a minimum.

Erm ... anything I missed?

OP posts:
Wardrobee · 06/10/2018 18:46

Do you have any savings? The thing is due to your age I will say go for the child. Don’t leave it any longer. Am I correct to assume you are mortgage free? Don’t leave your job. You will be home with baby for a year. You can save for the year during your pregnancy. As you work, you will be eligible for 30 hours free childcare from 3 years ago so all you have to pay is the extra hours you need plus from age 1-2. But on 45k, with no mortgage and your additional income of 450 a month, you can do it. Good luck love.

Original poster
milkandcrisps · 06/10/2018 18:47

I’m not 42 yet but plans are to have the child and stop work then. I mean, as a rough plan.

OP posts:
LeftRightCentre · 06/10/2018 18:49

Yes, having a baby is awful and selfish and makes me a terrible person and all, I know, but that’s not why I started the thread so no I’m not willing to discuss it.

Right, so bring a child into the world in poverty. Yep, nice one. Hmm At 42 conception is far from a given at any rate so your ship may have sailed.

BanginChoons · 06/10/2018 18:49

The £450 would definitely be difficult to live off if it has to include the morgage. But it would be great to top up a part time wage. You only get one shot at life though, and if being a mum is what you want then you should absolutely try.

I'm a single parent who works and studies full time. It's hard going but can be done without a partner or family, I am proof of it.

huggybear · 06/10/2018 18:49

So how is the mortgage being paid?

Wardrobee · 06/10/2018 18:49

How old are you?

Original poster
milkandcrisps · 06/10/2018 18:50

Yes, yes left, absolutely.

What mortgage huggy? Confused

OP posts:
LittleBookofCalm · 06/10/2018 18:50

People do go it alone op, do the sums, go for it

IcedPurple · 06/10/2018 18:50

Yes, having a baby is awful and selfish

No, but choosing to have a child as a single parent with very little income, thereby very likely condemning him or her to a childhood on the poverty line, arguably IS selfish.

but that’s not why I started the thread so no I’m not willing to discuss it.

Why did you start this thread? To be told only what you want to hear?

Original poster
milkandcrisps · 06/10/2018 18:51

That’s great bangin but what do you do when your child is poorly and can’t go to nursery, or when you leave work at eight o clock at night and have to be there at 7 the next day?

Genuine questions. I’m not being an arse Smile

OP posts:
Wardrobee · 06/10/2018 18:51

If you can afford to live on that amount without falling into hardship then why not.

Original poster
milkandcrisps · 06/10/2018 18:51

No iced I am talking about the logistics about single parenthood not whether or not I should be a single parent. K?

OP posts:
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