Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To retire at 42?

385 replies

milkandcrisps · 06/10/2018 17:25

Obviously not actually retire. Here is my situation. I have no family at all and no partner and few friends.

I am considering having a child. Because of my age I would have to do this with fertility treatment.

I have thought and thought about how I might be able to work with a child and I’m not sure it’s possible. Nursery costs are too high. Plus sometimes I have to do anti social hours.

So - I am considering retiring aged 42. If I took even five years out it’s unlikely I’d get back into my line of work. I don’t think I care as I hate it but am I mad??

OP posts:
ilooovechristmas · 06/10/2018 17:58

well yes kids are expensive if you have the money, if you haven’t, they aren’t

That's the most ridiculous thing iv ever heard. What about school uniform lunches shoes every few months nappies milk etc kids are expensive regardless unless you want your child to have nothing compared to its peers

LittleBookofCalm · 06/10/2018 18:00

you are not actually retiring at all.
you are planning to go it alone and have a baby, self funded.
retirement doesnt come into it

LeftRightCentre · 06/10/2018 18:02

You will get free nursery places and work in Aldi or whatever.

Oh, yes, those free nursery places that are open all the times Aldi is so you can just take on any shift as you'll be expected to do when you work there. Hmm

Anything can happen ......

Yep, you could wind up with a disabled child (especially if using your own eggs at 42), or become disabled yourself, or you could be unable to find any work after jacking it in for 5 years or you can discover that you can't get another job, your house could need a repair and you can't afford it because you jacked in your job.

The reality is that you cannot afford to have a child. That's just how it goes sometimes.

Everyoneiswingingit · 06/10/2018 18:02

I think you need around 30 yrs NI contributions to get your state pension. You will be covered until child is 12.

HotSauceCommittee · 06/10/2018 18:04

Our place of work will give you an unpaid sabbatical of up to three years. Maybe with maternity leave and holidays you can stretch that to four years and go back part time flexi?
I worked very part time for 8 years (15 hours per week, but the money really helped) when the kids were babies/very little, but had the help of a husband.
I don’t care whether you work or not if you want to have a child, about benefits; you’ll be raising a little tax payer, what a job!
But...
....they grow up and they don’t need/want you and you might need more. My youngest, who is ten, doesn’t need me to take him to school or the park anymore. The 15 year old is either out or in his room.
I cried when it was suggested I get a little job in Waitrose up the road after I was made redundancy...”but I want to use my brain!...I’ve got a degree...I’ve got skills”. I got a full time job after years of PT at a big public sector organisation where my brain is tired at the end of the day and although, after four years there, I’m underpaid and looking to progress, it would be just about ok if I was on my own.
Your child(ren) will gradually “leave” you. Money aside, you’ll need something, especially if you are used to doing a proper career.
Best of luck!

HollowTalk · 06/10/2018 18:04

Basically you plan to live on the poverty line for the rest of your life, because you can't get your head around a different career or working part-time. How do you think others manage?

And your child will live on the poverty line, too. That's one thing if it's not deliberate, but I don't think anyone would really choose that. It's one thing being at work on £45K and thinking the poverty line wouldn't be too bad, but actually it's brutal.

Did you post before? This sounds very familiar.

HotSauceCommittee · 06/10/2018 18:04

Teenagers cost a fucking fortune too.

onefootinthegrave · 06/10/2018 18:05

YANBU but on MN if you bring up your child and claim benefits and don't work you're seen as the devil incarnate, so don't expect the overwhelming majority to say anything else.

Makes me laugh - at the height on the MP expenses scandal there were MP's claiming more for one breakfast than some families weekly food bill, and yet many on MM seem to get their knickers in a twist about other women wanting to have a child and claim CTC/WTC etc etc.

I agree there will be some that say you might want to go back to work, because you might want to at a later stage. But if you don't, fine. I think all mothers and other carers should be paid a living wage for bringing up children, but it doesn't seem to be a popular view among a lot of women. The popular view seems to be you have to do unpaid work in the home, paid work out of the home (often at a massive inconvenience to you and you family) and if you don't, you're seen as a scrounger by many, including other women.

onefootinthegrave · 06/10/2018 18:06

And to posters saying the OP will be living on the poverty line, thousands of us are in work and still living on the poverty line!

Missingstreetlife · 06/10/2018 18:08

Not retiring is it? It's giving up work for a while to be sahm or work p/t maybe from home.
You need to do your sums so you know whether it's financially viable, no moral right or wrong about it imho.
A baby is forever, not as an excuse to give up work, you could just have a gap year
If you find a coparent they can chip in

huggybear · 06/10/2018 18:11

I'm so confused. Where is the £450 coming from if you give up work?

Everyoneiswingingit · 06/10/2018 18:12

Actually you need 35 years NI contributions to get the full state pension now.

abacucat · 06/10/2018 18:14

You won't get a full state pension. That £450 a month will probably reduce in real terms. Do what you want, but I think you are unrealistic financially.

Dollymixture22 · 06/10/2018 18:14

I think you have got some excellent advice here.

The income you are talking about would be very difficult. Your child would have to miss out on a lot. It’s not just about feeding and clothing - there are after school activities, birthday parties (theirs Andy other peoples), toupys, books, computers (essential for homework), and on and on.

Have you examined why you want a baby? You won’t be setting the little one a great example. I think being a single mum would be a huge struggle without a support network. My sister is married with one child, and my parents and I help out a lot. It takes a village.

I am single and would not have a baby alone. This message wa hammer home by a weekend alone with a six month old. I have huge respect for parents - it is really hard work. And it’s really expensive.

ChristmasFluff · 06/10/2018 18:17

I'd think there are other options in the event that the fertility treatment worked - so taking mat leave, then maybe have part time hours? Or if that doesn't suit, then being stay at home for a while (while savings/mat leave lasts), and then doing stuff like cleaning for people (I did that til son was at school, alongside bits of my 'real' job). I was self-employed at that point, and on 45k I presume you'd be able to do some self employed stuff too, and top up if needed with readily available work such as cleaning? Not sure why you would want to retire if you are looking to go back to the workforce eventually - and there's no reason you wouldn't do that. But I know nothing about finance, I just crack on.

AcrossthePond55 · 06/10/2018 18:17

Why are you so determined to give up employment? I'm in the US and we don't have the 'safety net' of benefits and housing that the UK has. Here you pretty much have to work as a LP if you want to give your child any life at all. All of my LP friends worked and managed to raise their children, many without any outside support, even those who worked 'unsociable' hours (nursing, police, etc). Some managed to reduce hours, some changed their work situation without changing fields by getting a different type of job within their field. For example, a friend who is a RN worked in a doctor's office instead of a hospital. Yes, she took a pay cut and was working 'above her pay grade' but it enabled her to have better hours for child-raising AND kept her in her field.

As far as childcare, I admit that some of them had to cobble together a combination of nurseries, preschools, and sitters to cover hours but they managed.

justkeepondigging · 06/10/2018 18:19

Go for it. If you don't have many friends now, you'll meet lots of mums who may become your support network. Just make sure you put in a lot effort to socialise for the child's sake. Financially, you should be ok as a baby really doesn't need to cost a lot, and once the child gets to school you can work part time (even just a basic job in shop/office for eg) to cover additional costs of school uniform, trips etc.

AcrossthePond55 · 06/10/2018 18:19

Actually, that should say she was working 'below her pay grade'!!

abacucat · 06/10/2018 18:20

If you have an income of £450 a month - trust fund? - then you could work part time once your child gets free nursery hours. You won't get any benefits except CB if you are not prepared to work once your child is a few years old.

IcedPurple · 06/10/2018 18:21

If you don't have many friends now, you'll meet lots of mums who may become your support network.

They're not going to be much help if the boiler breaks down and needs replacing at the cost of several hundred quid, or if the kid gets jealous seeing that so many of his or her classmates are off to Spain on holidays.

FallenIvy · 06/10/2018 18:24

Go for it. Good luck.

GloomyMonday · 06/10/2018 18:25

I think you're desperate for a child and frantically trying to make the sums work.

I don't have any objection whatsoever to you claiming benefits but please only see this as a short-term means to an end. Resigning yourself to 50 years of gruelling breadline poverty would be ridiculous, and not the best way to raise a child if it can be avoided.

Why not take your year of maternity leave and see how you feel at the end of it. If you decide that you want to stay at home for a few years then do that, but with a view to earning again once your dc is in school.

Your arguments against this are ridiculous. I can't see why you couldn't return to your former employment, or go part time, or look for something more family friendly, or retrain, or do something less skilled. It is important for your mental health, social life, self esteem and pension, even if you're not worried about a monthly salary.

I know several single parents who have done exactly that, without family support, so it can be done, no question.

justkeepondigging · 06/10/2018 18:27

@IcedPurple and not having a child in case your boiler breaks down seems somewhat over cautious. I'm a single parent and my children see their friends going on multiple holidays each year and they aren't jealous. They understand our family situation and know that if they work hard at school, they can travel the world when they grow up.

Randomusername01 · 06/10/2018 18:28

if this is your chance to have a child, and you really want to do it, id jump in and dont listen to the naysayers. I agree with you that a child costs as much as you can afford and you cut your cloth accordingly. At the very worst you will be entitled to tax credits etc and so will have a minimum with which to live, if you own your own home then you have a better starting point than many, Only on mn will you find that if you dont earn £100k + you are subjecting your child to a life of misery. Meanwhile in real life, most of the 70ish% of households who earn less than £25k (and who presumably get tax credits etc) manage to raise children fine.