To retire at 42?

[milkandcrisps]

Obviously not actually retire. Here is my situation. I have no family at all and no partner and few friends.

I am considering having a child. Because of my age I would have to do this with fertility treatment.

I have thought and thought about how I might be able to work with a child and I’m not sure it’s possible. Nursery costs are too high. Plus sometimes I have to do anti social hours.

So - I am considering retiring aged 42. If I took even five years out it’s unlikely I’d get back into my line of work. I don’t think I care as I hate it but am I mad??

Jeez I am really not desperate to give up work and I would not be on benefits! Ffs!

However I cannot afford

Rent
Childcare
Bills
Commuting costs

on one salary

I thought you had no rent to pay? How will you pay that with your plan?

Op how will you look your child in the eye when they're 10 years old and they ask about their father? Sure lots of children grow up with one parent and do fine. Doesn't a child at least deserve a chance at having two parents?

As for the remark about emergency foster care, that just shows you haven't a fucking clue.

I think I do have a fucking clue actually.

Or are you telling me that a baby would be left alone?

I am renting here because I work here. If I was to finish work I would not be paying rent.

Would you be moving somewhere cheaper? If so, perhaps that opens the door to part time working and part time childcare.

Yes. But it would not be in the field I am trained in. And thus would cancel out childcare costs.

Leave ilovesooty. It’s weird you’re hassling her like this when most other posters agree your plan is sketchy at best.

You show no signs of actually considering not going ahead with trying to have a child (babies grow up) and as others have pointed out, you’re knocking back questions and advice that’s been offered on all aspects of fertility treatment, housing, work and financial options. I’m not sure why tbh. You’ve posted on a forum about a massive life changing decision with wide ranging implications for another human being and you then refuse to listen to the experiences others have kindly shared from their lives and those of people they know.

If you don’t want people to address the different aspects of your post then it’s difficult for people to engage.

I genuinely wish you luck and I’m sorry you’ve had sadness in your life. A lot of us can say the same. It doesn’t give any of us the right to have what we want just because we want it. If you were saying you wanted to emigrate and do something amazing for yourself people would tell you to go for it! Bringing a baby into world as a way of doing something nice for you is so different.

I've read this whole thread and am still really confused about the money thing. What exactly does the £450 have to cover? I can't imagine it will pay for all bills (even assuming there is no rent or mortgage). Council tax alone will eat £100 at least of it.

You need to sit down and do a statement of affairs and be realistic about how much money you need each month. There's a free budget planner on the MoneySavingExpert site. Plug in all your stuff there and see what the results are. It also covers stuff like haircuts, dental treatment, etc. that aren't usual monthly expenses but will need to be factored in over a year.

Sorry I find that somewhat hard to believe. Still, keep that stance up if you want to. I don't think I've been any more direct than a good few other posters who you didn't choose to become confrontational with.

Find what somewhat hard to believe, sorry?

childminding isn't an easy option. You have to be both flexible & reliable & often work long hours - longer than if you were at work because you have to cover parents work & travel hours & their overtime if necessary. You cant pick & choose & you will need a reliable income. You have to do your own tax (you will be self employed) & do strict paperwork & conform to OFSTED standards. Your house will need to conform to safety standards & you will have to do training. I loved it & loved the dc & the parents but it isn't for everybody.

There is no way in the world that you would want your child to have to go into emergency foster care. Do you understand how awful that would be for the child?

I felt you were offended by my suggestion about counselling

I think most people would benefits from having a hour a week dedicated to opening up about their deepest thoughts. I didn’t mean it As an insult. I have had counselling for a big life event and it was really helpful - I now understand why I react the way I do to things.

You have said you don’t have family or many friends. You are finding the dvice on here unhelpful. Surely have a few sessions to talk this through can’t hurt?

Thanks Anne

I wasn’t offended, just not interested

Very little of public money is used for benefits so let's blow that myth out of the water.
Most taxpayers are not even covering their own expenses in this world eg schooling hospital care etc unless you are in the top bracket of tax payers.

Of course I wouldn’t want it tall.

However. I am not going to nor have a child because of something that probably won’t happen.

If it does then like everything else you deal with it when it occurs.

I wouldn’t even be claiming them!

Completely agree Dollymixture22. Nothing wrong with asking for help with big decisions or to process things we’ve been through and everything mature, sensible and healthy about realising when we don’t have all the answers.

Having a safe place to get it all out can be worth so much. I once had lunch with friends and it transpired that 4 out of the 5 of us had been to counselling and only because the fifth woman’s husband was going!

That’s fine if it helps! I didn’t say ‘no one should go to counselling’ just that it is not for me at this time.

The money thing does confuse me. You own two houses at the minute but liv in neither. You will move into one and live of the rent of another.

Will the £500 per month have to cover everything? I assume you ah e savings incase the boiler packs in or the roof leaks.or the fridge breaks.

Your cash will disappear very quickly - examples below. You can argue about the actual figures,

Food, household and toiletries - £125
Electricity and heat-£75
Council tax - £100
Nappies and wipes -£25
Incidentals (coffees out with other mums)
Phone (land line and or mobile)
Broadband
Life insurance
House insurance
Tv licence
Travel (public transport or car)
Clothes
Haircuts
Presets
Optician/ dentist

So, you said you had taken child benefit into account but now you say you won't claim any benefits. Which is it to be?

I'm pretty frugal and my household bills are £100ct, £70 gas and electric, £28 water, £12 TV licence, £6 mobile phone, £7 broad band (I pay the phone line annually, it's about £140). Then there is insurance. Car and associated costs of that too. I don't have any TV packages but I gather most people do these days so you might need to add that in.

I think you're getting defensive because you can now see you won't have enough income and you need to plan differently.

No benefits other than CB then; which i’d also be entitled too if I was married.

I’m defensive because I have repeatedly been called names by those lucky enough to have families.

@Conniedescending. There are no childcare vouchers any more, the scheme closed to new entrants last week.

You're unhappy though right? So why bring a child into that situation? Who will the child have?