To retire at 42?

[milkandcrisps]

Obviously not actually retire. Here is my situation. I have no family at all and no partner and few friends.

I am considering having a child. Because of my age I would have to do this with fertility treatment.

I have thought and thought about how I might be able to work with a child and I’m not sure it’s possible. Nursery costs are too high. Plus sometimes I have to do anti social hours.

So - I am considering retiring aged 42. If I took even five years out it’s unlikely I’d get back into my line of work. I don’t think I care as I hate it but am I mad??

You won't be allowed to do fertility treatment without counselling

Not totally true. I have an 18 month old DD from fertility treatment, and we never did counselling. We were offered it, and we assumed it was optional and said that we didn't feel very interested. No one chased it up and it was only much later that we discovered it is often intended to be mandatory.

@milkandcrisps you need hugs - am sending virtual ones. I am so sorry you have lost both your parents.

You sound thoroughly burnt-out with work.

You also sound like a determined individual who would be an amazing mum, always standing up for your child.

Now for the boring stuff. If you earn 45k you may qualify for an off-set mortgage. If you can sell one of your existing properties. You could upgrade to a bigger property that would allow you to rent a room or have a live-in nanny (cheaper). But do try and get an offset. AND DO IT BEFORE YOU QUIT!!! You may even be able to get a mortgage if you don't move. If so, get an interest-only off-set, which would allow you to leverage your massive equity. You could then use the equity to buy another rental or upgrade your existing home or just have a pool of cash there for a rainy day which you would only draw down when you needed it (so possibly having no actual debt until you draw it down). Honestly they are amazing.

As are kids, you are no doubt aware you will be 'having a person', as a baby is only that way for a year. Make sure you live in a community with like-minded people (so not ultra-conservative single parent bashers or only teen mums).
Once you get your wonderful new mortgage (that will buy you freedom in future) think about a career change. Have you considered the civil service? Or social media management? What line of work are you in at the moment? Take care and don't give up. You are in a better financial position than many xxx

A good friend of mine did this in her early 40s, she went to a Scandinavian country for IVF, and now has a gorgeous child.

She didn’t want to go back to her previous job due to the long hours and commute so lived off her savings whilst child was a baby. Child has just started school and friend found an admin role at a local high school, so has school hols off. Before that she had various part time admin jobs whilst family cared for child.

I think you should go ahead with having a child, but you do really need to reconsider your finances. You need more income than the rental you receive.

Are your skills transferable to another field where it would be easier to work around a child? What about a live in nanny/au Pair? Or even a nanny share?

It’s true that most fertility clinics insist on counselling —and charge you handsomely for it— but it’s one hour in which you speak about it.

This IS my chance at parenthood.

Then why are you waiting till 42? Do you realise how difficult it can be to conceive a healthy child and carry it to term at that age? For every one of these fuzzy anecdotes, there are legions more who cannot conceive a healthy foetus at that age. But jacking in your job for £500 a month you might not always get (if your tenant scarpers or stops paying rent) in an era of UC is just silly irresponsible.

So you're happy with bringing up a child in relative poverty? As long as you're happy right?

It would only take your tenant to lose their job, stop paying rent resulting in you having to evict them and then you are truly up shit creek.

Keep working, somewhere, somehow.

If you think that makes me happy taco you are wrong.

@milkandcrisps you're quite clearly intelligent & thick skinned judging by this thread. You make your own decisions about YOUR life. Unfortunately not all kids at the school gates will have parents with 50k in the bank for 'emergencies', a 3 bed detached & a nice car!! (Everyone on mumsnet though) Plenty of families get by! LOTS of families! As long as your child is clean, fed & has opportunities in life they will be fine. If that is what you want... you're right, babies are cheap... kids get more expensive as they get older but your situation could be totally different by then. I say save as much as you can in the mean time then go for it.

If you think that makes me happy taco you are wrong.

You're planning on having a child to make you happy though. And others have pointed out that this child is going to grow up on a very low income and will therefore miss out on a lot of things. You going ahead and having the child anyway suggests that your happiness overrides the quality of life your baby will have.

It appears that I'm doing this for ME overrides the happiness of the potential child for you.
And giving up work at 42 is ridiculous unless you're a lot more financially secure than you appear to be.

milk
i think you can do it. As you get experience of being a mother you can alter your plans. you obviously have options/good job/house etc. I am a single mum of 2, I have some family help. 1 is doable on your own, not easy but with determination you can do it.

On the. It’s question -this might be interesting

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/blog/what-is-the-average-cost-to-have-a-baby

@justkeepondigging

Milkandcrisps, I agree with you that there a lots of smug posters on here with their perfect lives who really don't understand what you're saying. It really is possible to be 'poor' and raise a child successfully - and you don't seem to be particularly poor from what you've said.

I did not expect to become a single parent, but it happened and I've managed. And you would too. When the time comes you will do anything to help your child so you will find freelance/ part-time work, someone to swop babysitting with etc.

Meanwhile in the real world......................... Single mums struggle, they DON'T have anyone to help, they rely on benefits and tax credits, and 'freelance work' is rare to non-existent.

I don't see any SMUG posters, just people being realistic, and trying to talk some sense into the OP, and not peddling ludicrous statements like 'YAY what a great idea! Choosing to be a single mum, and living on £500 a month..... what could POSSIBLY go wrong?! Life will be just dandy, and you will easily find people to babysit for you when you need a break. And random people on the internet who you don't know from Adam, will be MORE than happy to look after your kids if you are unable to look after them for a few months!'

This is clearly a very emotive subject. As much as I don’t agree with deliberately bringing a child into poverty (if £500 a month with no mortgage can be called that) I do think it is completely wrong that people should question the OPs lack of support. Comments like “but what if you go into hospital- who would have the baby” etc are bullshit. So people with no families aren’t allowed kids?! It’s shit for OP that she has no family but it doesn’t mean she cannot cope with a baby!

OP you have had some excellent advice, although I appreciate you may not be in the frame of mind to feel that. I think the resounding message from most posters is it will be bloody hard and think it through carefully.
On that note, if you have no family or friends, what is to stop you from selling up and moving somewhere much cheaper? Would that be an option? Kind of embracing the freedom of having no ties and making it work for you?
Sorry if that has already been mentioned.

I would be bee

I can’t live where I am and afford a child.

sooty don’t be an arse, hmm?

@milkandcrisps Sooty is not being an arse! She is just being realistic.

Sounds like you need to grow up. You do sound very immature for a woman of around 40.

Just for the record, I’m not being smug. I am just thinking of the reality of deliberately drastically reducing the parents income to have a baby when you aren’t just single, but pretty alone in this world. The poster asked about he practicality of this and she has been given views.which have made her very cross.

Being used to a certain lifestyle then taking a big reduction is hard enough, but having this new person who you love more than anything else and not being able to give them the things you used to have will be harder. Yes lots of people do that, and still give their kids a wonderful happy life. But it’s hard in them. A friend recently had to explain her her little boy why Santa didn’t bring him as many toys as the other children in his class. She cried for days. She is wonderful mum, but it’s hard. I think OP needs to see the reality of this situation.

Other people in her line of work must be single parents, childcare can’t be that impossible?

What a horrible bunch on here.
So everyone had a baby in perfect circumstances then.
OP wants a child she doesn't have time on her side no one wants to go into parenting alone but sadly we don't all get the future we wanted.
It's not the ideal but there is a benifits system in place and the child wouldn't starve.
If everyone only had babies when they could afford it or if they were sure they would never do it alone half of this population wouldn't exsist.

Thank you @tbisneverendingsummer

I don't think I'm being an arse either. The OP on the other hand has a most irritating method of responding to opinions she doesn't like.

OP I think you are getting a hard time here. You are in a better position than many, many people out there. You own two properties, earn well and have no serious health problems including addictions, that you have mentioned.

Half the threads on here are about people who get pregnant repeatedly in terrible situations, poverty, domestic violence, no education, not working at all let alone potential to earn 45k. They get through it and are (rightly) supported on here as they are doing their best and it's good enough. In the same way, OPs life will be plenty good enough for her child.

I'm not saying it has to be a race to the bottom. But imagine OP came on here and said "I've accidentally fallen pregnant after a ONS, I don't have much of a support network but I own 2 properties outright, earn 45k, I really want a child and at 39 it might be my last chance". Would every response be to terminate as the boiler might break down one day, no way! It would be 100% support. The only difference here is OP is actually being sensible and thinking about it, instead of throwing caution to the wind and having an "accident" with any old guy.

Yes there is a benefits system in place. In the case of the OP that would be child benefit only. That isn't much to put towards the upbringing of a child.

Yes but she won't be earning 45K after the child will she? That's the whole point of the thread.

Will you ever be able to sell the house? Ever ever?

You are in a far better financial position than a lot of people having children, so you can do whatever you want to. It's not so black or white though, you have lots of options to do other jobs of part time and if you really want a baby then you will figure some way to make it work. I don't think you need to make a life long decision right now. Everything changes.

That’s a fair question sooty.

Sarky swipes aren’t.