To think there is too much stress and importance placed on education?

[CharlotteWebb]

I think education is important - of course it is.

BUT

I work a lot with young people and find that an awful lot of youngsters are suffering more and more with anxiety and all sorts of negative feelings because they feel they under so much stress to excel in their schooling.

As a parent I encourage my children to complete homework and try their best, but if they don't do well in exams, it's a shame but not the end of the world.

I think sometimes it's too easy to put pressure on our youngsters and they feel there are no alternatives?

I know of quite a few adults who are actually not academic at all - left school with no qualifications and are now rather successful either working for themselves or retrained later in life as an adult?

WIBU to think although individuals should do their best, it's also not a massive deal if one doesn't get high grades in their exam?.

Those wanging on about how having no qualifications is fine really should get on the threads in Secondary where there are posters tearing their hair out that there are simply no options where they are for their child who hasn’t achieved good passes at GCSE. You can bang on about vocational training, apprenticeships etc, but there are a a distinct shortage of these for lower level kids. Some colleges won’t touch them.

Late 20s with GCSEs and A-levels (however ‘crap’)? You’re out of touch.

And yes, there are some kids who struggle with their mental health. Obviously they have to be treated carefully. But that doesn’t mean we have to treat every kid as if they have got mental health problems and wouldn’t be able to cope with the suggestion that they should apply for a Russell Group uni or work hard towards their exams; or pretend that it simply won’t matter what they do.

The total inability of some pp to understand that GCSE grades genuinely pale into insignificance when you're dealing with a child who responds to academic pressure with seriously high risk behaviours is worrying. I need my son to be alive and whole and not in the CJS or a gang. Good GCSEs would be nice, but they matter far less than the other stuff. He can recover from a lack of qualifications at 16 (will it be easy? No. Of course not. Is it possible? Yes. Very much so.). He can't recover from being dead.

Problem with this discussion is how is a parent supposed to feel if they have tried their best & the kid doesn't respond by trying to get decent grades (or even does respond, but proves incapable of getting high or even just decent grades)? Do we just add these failings to our very long guilt list? I'd rather think positive about supporting them to achieve what they can find enthusiasm for. That's not saying exam results are unimportant, it's being pragmatic about what can be achieved.

mostdays - yes I agree, it's about perspective

These threads always have lots of people completely missing the point. OP said education is incredibly important she just said its not worth getting an education at the expense of your mental health and its not productive to try and get good results by just applying more pressure.

As someone with experience of higher education I've definitely seen many students for whom being high achievers is so integral to their image if themselves that as soon as there's any indication they're not excelling (and this will happen to everyone eventually) they completely fall apart.

We need to recognise effort and other skills (compassion, leadership etc) rather than focusing purely on exam results.

The total inability of some pp to understand that GCSE grades genuinely pale into insignificance when you're dealing with a child who responds to academic pressure with seriously high risk behaviours is worrying.

Of course GCSE grades pale into insignificance when you are dealing with a child like that (and I have met a few in my career). But they are a minority. Most kids are not like that.

And when you have children who have mental health problems which are not related to academic pressure, supporting them to achieve academic success, believing in their ability can be a real boost.

If every child had good parental encouragement and support from the day they start school there would be less stress, the problem comes with the child who wakes up to the need for good results at the start of Year 11 and the dopey parent comes in and says something like He needs a C in Maths, as if we could wave a magic wand and make the last 10 years of apathy disappear.

Instead of moaning about the school's rules, the ones you signed up for, tell your child, Tough you have to accept it, instead of running with a saddo face to the press.

Holidaybore - there are 162 grammar schools in the UK. There are 32,150 schools in U.K. Grammars and secondary moderns impact on very few children. I absolutely agree being told you’ve failed at 11 is ery detrimental and affects far more children than those who are the high achievers. It’s not the exam pressure there that’s the problem it’s the grammar system that imposes selection at 11.

I also know for many children with mental health problems, that academic success is often key to managing their health. Like others, they need structure, support and an external focus. Many long term mental health problems first appear in the teenage years but that does not mean academic pressure is the cause. Same is true of children with physical disabilities- academic success will open more doors than just being nice to them. It’s one of the main reasons there was such a strong drive towards integration in the 1980s. All children became happier, healthier adults when allowed to face and learn to overcome challenges. It’s the learning to overcome challenges from a very young age that builds resilience.

Low expectations have been the theme of my DC education.

Keeping them motivated and ambitious has been part of parenting for us. As working class kids – DH from a area with high level of what’s the point of education attitude not dissimilar to here – we’ve experienced low expectations and efforts to talk us out of chosen careers as they are too ambitious.

I’m currently finding it awful that many of my children’ friends who want to learn an instrument, learn to swim go on the away trip can’t because their parents can’t afford it – I think it’s awful to see how worried some of them are by Non-uniform or dress up days – paying the £1 to take part of having something to match the theme to wear or even the topic trips– even when the costs are low or requests for party food.

I wish school experiences and opportunities wasn't so linked to parental incomes as it seems to be.

I do think mental health is important - but having good exams behind you makes things so much easier in todays world and I do think that need to be conveyed to our young.

Exams are a fact of life - rather than stressing over them (or letting your children see you stressing over them - thereby winding them up further), ensure they are thoroughly prepared for. Nothing takes the stress out of exames like hard work and prep up front.

I've been an unemployed adult living in poverty. I got straight A's at school.

This is the other side of the 'I left school at 15 with no qualifications and set up my own business earning X amount a year stories .' Yes there will be a range of experiences, but those who leave school at 15/16 with no qualifications and become wealthy are the exception not the rule and citing them as examples to kids is misleading and dangerous. Far more people who left school will be in poorly paid routine employment, precariously employed or unemployed.

Similar to you op I graduated from Cambridge and then within 3 days was on the dole, followed by a couple of other spells subsequently. However, I eventually got jobs, never high flying or perfect or well paid jobs, some minimum wage Mcjobs, because I had the skills to fill in application forms, turn up at interviews and answer questions in a coherent manner thanks to my education. Thanks to my education, I was unemployed, but was not unemployable. Without a decent education behind me I could have been so.

Cherry
You seem to believe that all children can achieve a good education it they put their mind to it.
Sorry to break it to you but kids learn in different ways. The way they teach in school is not effective for all. My dear brother is dislesxic but only found out because his son is. School didn’t allow for his special needs at the time. He was ruled out as away with the fairy and can’t even spell kind of comments from disappointed teachers.
So many boys are restless and kinetics techniques would help them. The education system unfortunately is stuck in the last century and even the current support system for children too young in their year (summer babies) or with mild special needs is still trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Is then a surprise that these kids labelled as special needs / trouble kids grow up feeling like not fitting in?
They grow up feeling worthless and not good enough which in my books is the basis of some mental health issues.

I have a friend who is a primary school teacher and says that it used to be 2 or 3 kids per class needing support for serious special needs. Now half of her class has some kind of special needs as they are not fulfilling the school wish to get excellent exams results to put them in the top list of achieving schools.
Is this wrong? Yes
Is this giving “education” a different meaning/ dimension ? OH YES!

Every child should be able to get a pass in English maths and science (or 95% anyway). Beyond that, it's aspiration, attitude, social skills, resilience, work ethic that will get them where they want to go.

Obviously not everyone can be a doctor or a lawyer, but there are many other skilled and rewarding careers that don't require high grades. I would say that all rewarding careers require aspiration and effort to get anywhere.

For many people stuck in rubbish jobs, it's lack of aspiration that is the reason they don't do something else. That's also the main reason that many children don't get their gcse's (rather than being incapable).

Too much emphasis on grades alone runs the risk of young people who can't take the initiative or think independently or take risks or cope with failure, and who worry about every little thing.

Couldn’t agree more. Being highly educated is sadly not the guarantee of wealth, health and happiness that it’s often purported to be.

Holidaybore, no I believe they can reach their potential if properly supported. I don’t believe all can gain Oxbridge grades.

Our last foster son came to us at 15, in special education and illiterate with a long police record. We taught him to read (or rather my husband did), we taught him what support felt like and what was reasonable behaviour. We persuaded the local college to take him on to do his city and guilds in motor mechanics. He is now the wrong side of 40, still struggles with very formal documents but runs a successful business and has a mortgage free home. I’d call that a good education.

Having lived in special schools most of my life, I know full well the power of education. Plenty of dyslexics at university - our good friends son is currently an FY2 junior doctor. I’ve seen a lad from a residential special education get to Oxford - he was failing and had been excluded numerous times until he was given the right support. There are children/adults with Down Syndrome with driving licences and GCSEs - says a lot about the effect of high expectations and support.

Too many excuses and inadequate support with low expectations is not helpful. Many summer born babies excell. It’s the duty of parents to ensure their children are enabled to reach as high as they can - which may be a grade 2 in Art or may be a Oxbridge.

High expectations are not an issue but high expectations without support and not based on the individual are.

Couldn’t agree more. Being highly educated is sadly not the guarantee of wealth, health and happiness that it’s often purported to be

Of course it isn't, I discovered that in a fairly stark way when towards the end of my time at university people who like me were headed for unspectacular 2:1s in non vocational subjects, started to slightly shamefully admit that their uncle/aunt or family friend had sorted an entry level job on a magazine or auction house. I didn't come from a traditional Oxbridge background and didn't have any familial connections, so ended up back at my parents in an area of the country with few opportunities. However all things considered I was in a far better position with qualifications than without them.

OP I agree. Pupils in infant school getting 4 pieces of homework a week plus reading. Pressure to go to uni even if to do a really pointless degree. Formal education is a tiny part of what you need to make the most of life but seems to take up the majority of a child’s life these days

Cherry
I live in a nice area with competitive parents but we don’t see any of the support for special needs that you seem to find in abundance.
Even if you go on the Special Needs board on here lots of struggling school teachers and parents with not much support once the child becomes a teenager with mental health issues. The parents are left to pick up the pieces.
I am sorry to say that you must be living in a parallel world.

Welshmaiden.. spot on:

Couldn’t agree more. Being highly educated is sadly not the guarantee of wealth, health and happiness that it’s often purported to be.

YANBU if by 'education' you mean 'good grades at GCSE/A level'. Education is more than that though. The best example my parents have set me is by going on being interested in things and learning new things. They are both educated to degree level but the thing I find most impressive about my DMum, an artist (she will be 80 in a few years) is that she learns new skills and techniques and practises until she's as good as she can be. She also spends time passing skills on to others e.g. in demos and masterclasses.

I remind myself of that when I'm feeling frustrated that my 5 yo is being difficult about her homework and I also like noble's 'practice makes better' (not perfect) - I'll be using that.

I have taught students who have been overly influenced by their parents' grade expectations, whether these are realistic or unrealistic. It is complex though what causes one DC to suffer and not another and I think it is stressful for DC who are not appropriately challenged academically too.

I very much agree with posters who are saying that there ought to be more opportunities to get educated at different ages. In my opinion an important thing the government could do is put some of the subsidy back into adult education of all types.

Holiday well, clearly you are living in a parallel universe where all primary kids are preparing for the 11+. Because both me and Cherry have pointed out that that’s a minority of children. You seem to be ignoring that, though.

It's a balancing act. If you want to get on a specific course then you will need the grades. An a is not the be all and end all but you need to get a level 4 in English and Maths to progress.

Rivertam
I am not sure what I am trying to ignore... I am talking about my reality. Where we live it’s partnof primary life and all kids are kids know what going on.
And the ones that don’t prepare for the 11+will very openly tell you that they are not going to try or didn’t try because they are not good or clever enough. Sad state of things...

The major problem, it seems to me, is not that education is important or unimportant but that we have such a narrow view of what constitutes education in this country. As if learning to be a carpenter or a plumber somehow didn't count as education. And as if the aim for every single parent must be to push their children into university and then into the professions or business. I sometimes wonder how people think it would be possible to run a society where everybody got manager jobs and nobody was left to do the manual and catering jobs.

I have a nephew who got top grades at school and then trained as a carpenter. In this country, that would be viewed as a shocking lack of ambition and a failure on the part of his parents to entertain high enough expectations of him. Fortunately for him he doesn't live in this country. He's doing rather nicely out of it.

I was a high-achieving student at school and beyond and I got less anxious at exams the more I did.

One of my DC (10 years, year 5) is very good at maths. She’s in a small maths enrichment group (4 kids out of the 100 in the year) and so far this year they’ve done 5 maths exams external to the curriculum. Her teacher says they’re doing them now so that when they’re doing maths exams that matter that they’ll be good at exams. She was nervous initially but now they’re a non-event. She’s gained distinctions in all 5 but learned stuff along the way about exam technique like time management. In one she worked out everything mentally forgetting that she could’ve used a calculator.

The best way to be good at exams and become less anxious about them is to de-mystify them and have lots of exposure.