To think there is too much stress and importance placed on education?

[CharlotteWebb]

I think education is important - of course it is.

BUT

I work a lot with young people and find that an awful lot of youngsters are suffering more and more with anxiety and all sorts of negative feelings because they feel they under so much stress to excel in their schooling.

As a parent I encourage my children to complete homework and try their best, but if they don't do well in exams, it's a shame but not the end of the world.

I think sometimes it's too easy to put pressure on our youngsters and they feel there are no alternatives?

I know of quite a few adults who are actually not academic at all - left school with no qualifications and are now rather successful either working for themselves or retrained later in life as an adult?

WIBU to think although individuals should do their best, it's also not a massive deal if one doesn't get high grades in their exam?.

I don't think sacrificing their mental health in the school years so they can earn money and supposedly be less stressed in later life is worth it.

Luckily I think my dd will be just fine at school without me telling her she'll be a poor, worthless person unless she achieves no less than Russell Group and an MA in a science

The I didn’t do well at school and look at me now!’ Statement is similar to the ‘I have smoked 40 a day for 40’years and I’m in the best of health’ statement. Sure pressuring children is not ideal. But education, for better or worse, is absolutely vital- not just I what a person knows but in how they are able to critically think and navigate the world. It is obvious to me when I meet adults who have underachieved. And that is the sad thing: underachievement. So many are capable of so much yet don’t achieve it and in my experience this leads often to the statement above. Not happiness in where they’re at, but a resentment of others opportunities. I’ve been told I’m lucky by some others. Sure I’ve been lucky, but I’ve also worked fucking hard to get where I am and have an excellent education. There has to be balance. The UK hasn’t got that anymore. I hope things improve.

Maybe happy is the wrong word then, but resilient and secure in themselves enough to know that whatever happens in life they will be OK then

I think my degree has been more of a hindrance than a help. Most people I know that messed around at school have done a lot better than me. It makes me sad.

KitchenWhich - very well put

Bluntness - My DH was a total drop out - played truant mostly. He hated school (as did I). He decided in his late 20's to study and get a degree in business and now has a successful business which he runs from home.

I also hated school with a passion and had an incredible amount of pressure from my parents who were both high achievers academically. It made me completely rebel and I didn't even attend my GCSE's as I was so angry with the pressure from my parents.

I also retrained as an adult and have a job now which I love.

I guess this is the reason for my thread. Yes education is important - but excellent results aren't the be all and end all.

I don't think either of my kids are academic, but I'm ok with that. As long as they try and do their best. If they left school with minimal qualifications I would still say - ok lets look at plan B - whether that was resits or something vocational or whatever.

I grew up with my parents being 'disappointed' with me and it took all my self esteem and confidence away - I never forgave them.

If my boys end up having a crap job - I will still love them as much as if they have a high flying job. I'll still be proud of them.

I see the fear and anxiety in some children and it's eating away at their self esteem, and I hate it because it's exactly how I felt and it was very damaging mentally.

Education is important. But not every child is academically gifted and their talents may lie elsewhere.

My DS is in year one so I don't really know how he'll be academically yet but all I want is for him to work hard and do his best. If his best is A*s then I'll be happy. If his best is only Ds then I'll be happy as long as I know that it's genuinely all he could achieve and not just him being lazy.

I didn't do A levels or go to university. Nor did DS's father who is now a fairly high earner. It would be a bit hypocritical of us to express disappointment if DS doesn't do it either.

I always tell DD that qualifications (GCSE’s, A Levels etc) are like ‘keys’ and each key you get gives you another door you can open. Your life will be fine without them but who doesn’t like having as many doors open to them as possible.

Does no one else think that making your kids politically and socially sensitive and aware m, and having a genuine interest in current affairs and be able to do things like order food in a restaurant (random but this kind of life skill) speak to adults, discuss things with adults confidently, have a hobby they enjoy and are good at, is important too? I know a lot of parents who have high academically achieving teens who couldn't catch a bus by themselves. That would worry me as a parent.

Jeanclaudejackety

I can't imagine why my child needs to choose between being able to order a meal and a formal education. I'm fairly sure I can take care of the former with little trouble.

Ok, I get you now op and your parents behaviour is probably what's driving you.

But I don't think it's normally about a parent not loving their child if they don't succeed academically. More they want their child to be happy and know that a lack of qualifications does for many make that much much harder. Because it's hard to be happy on min wage and struggling to pay the bills.

Of course you can have both it's not a case of prioritising one over the other. I just think so much importance now is put on school work over all else. I think my view is coloured a tiny bit by having an SN sibling. When you know a child isn't going to achieve academically, you really do just want them to be content and able to deal with life. My parents encouraged me in a good way I think, I got an degree and an MA and although I'm now in a lot of debt I am grateful for it.

Thanks, Charlotte!

A NEET is a young person Not in Employment, Education or Training - sorry for the educational jargon! Essentially I ended up very depressed and anxious and didn't leave the house much - and when I did try applying for jobs, the lack of qualifications was a real problem. So I do understand why it makes parents worried! Eventually I got a foot in the door through volunteering, and that helped my mental health a lot.

Not valuing education leads to underachievement, but so does too much pressure. I was predicted straight A-stars and I remember thinking that all I could do was disappoint people. When I pointed this out to my form tutor, I was told that someone else at the school had once managed it, so I could too.

You’re conflating two different things, OP - how well your children (or you) do, and parental reaction to that. I don’t know how old you are but both schools and parents are very different from when I was a kid.

Jean well, that is a very different thing, and can be taught alongside academic subjects, surely - it’s not one or the other and in fact resilience is part of academic education inherently - don’t worry about making mistakes, try again, pick yourself up when you’ve fallen down.

The bottom line is that the better your education the more choices you have.

Do schools really teach 'don't worry about making mistakes', though? Its more 'don't fuck up in the next two hours for this exam or your future will be ruined'.

Friday - totally agree. Education gives your child choices.

Jean well, the secondary I went to look at last weekend certainly seemed to!

Rivertam

I am talking about pressure to succeed which comes from both parents and school

Yes I totally agree the better the education the more choices.

But it means nothing if it is detrimental to mental health

But it isn't always detrimental to MH.

It's also no guarantee of success (@academic qualifications). Soft skills of being able to work as part of a team etc may be more useful in getting employment.

Thisreallyisafarce

I know it's not always detrimental to mental health - that's why I used the word 'IF'

But nobody is saying it is okay to keep pressuring a child to do well academically IF doing so is damaging their MH. Are they?

I haven't RTFT.
Education is definitely important but I think a lot of the time it's at the detriment of the child's mental health.
I was helping my SD with her homework in the week and she had a nosebleed because she got so stressed over it. This was the first time this has happened but I can guarantee she ends up in tears each and every time.
Getting to speak with someone at school about how much she's struggling is next to impossible so we've just got to wait until parents evening.

epicclusterfuck

Yes - this is something else which can sometimes be overlooked. So many other skills are just as valuable in employment.

I do also believe when going for an interview it is more about 'if you're face fits' and skills rather than qualifications - if you've got no qualifications you won't even get an interview in the first place

Sorry that should read 'If your face fits'