To think there is too much stress and importance placed on education?

[CharlotteWebb]

I think education is important - of course it is.

BUT

I work a lot with young people and find that an awful lot of youngsters are suffering more and more with anxiety and all sorts of negative feelings because they feel they under so much stress to excel in their schooling.

As a parent I encourage my children to complete homework and try their best, but if they don't do well in exams, it's a shame but not the end of the world.

I think sometimes it's too easy to put pressure on our youngsters and they feel there are no alternatives?

I know of quite a few adults who are actually not academic at all - left school with no qualifications and are now rather successful either working for themselves or retrained later in life as an adult?

WIBU to think although individuals should do their best, it's also not a massive deal if one doesn't get high grades in their exam?.

@rivertam that sounds like a good school, I'd be really impressed if I heard that. I went to a v selective school and whilst it was fairly supportive of mental health and stuff exams were sort of emphasised as a bit of a be all and end all

I think we overvalue university, undervalue skills that involve manual work, and there are far too many exams sat at 16. I would argue for a maximum number of GSCEs or A levels that can be taken in any one year.

I do also believe when going for an interview it is more about 'if you're face fits' and skills rather than qualifications - if you've got no qualifications you won't even get an interview in the first place

If you haven't got GOOD qualifications, you won't even get an interview...at many places of work where the work pays well and is desirable. Not all, obviously. But qualifications matter hugely.

I do agree it is wrong how the system is set up as a one shot deal and the closing of later opportunities.

It should be easier to re-take year 11 and/or re-take a level 3 qualification year. There should be an increase in funding and formal acceptance of adult education classes both classroom based and distance learning so that young people know it isn't the end of the world education wise if things don't go to plan the first time.

I don’t know. Here’s an anecdote. My FIL was pushed into a certain profession by his family, not his choice but he did do extremely well in it, and has a whopper of a pension for his twilight years, in fact has always been financially secure because of this career. Me and DH have both done what we loved and the end result is we are in no where like such a secure position, especially for our retirements.

So we are happier in terms of our careers, and considerably less happy in terms of our current and future choices and financial security. We enjoy our jobs but I very much doubt either of us would recommend them to our DC.

I wouldn’t push DC to the detriment of her health. But I would push her to work bloody hard, not to coast and to make the best of whatever opportunities presented themselves, and I would make sure she understood why.

I would agree, no parent wants to harm their child's mental health.

But there is an argument for being able to cope, having resilience so being able to ask for help, because school really is the least of it.

I don't think it's always obvious if children are suffering mentally though. A lot of kids bottle it all up

True. In that case it's a parenting decision, isn't it? How resilient is your child? Is your "encouragement" amounting to unacceptable pressure? There is no one solution.

I agree with the school is the least of it. Life gets harder the older you get and the more things you have to deal with. I think a sou d grounding in being able to put perspective on things and realise things aren't the end of the world is essential

Agree, it's all about the child. What support they need and get to hit their potential, but when enough is enough, and support can be emotional as well as academic,

The poster who said it was all about options was right, life is hopefully long, and we all want our kids to have the options available to them to do what they wish in life, to have choices, to not be limited because of their education, or lack of, to be successful in the way that they see success.

There is no such pressure as poverty.

There have been several young teenagers in my local town that have killed themselves recently.

There is so much more pressure on teenagers not just in terms of education but also social media and the desire to look a certain way.

My dd is 12 yo and her happiness and life are more important than anything else. I couldn't care less if she failed all her exams, we would deal with it and move on.

I will support and encourage her to do well but I will not tell her exam results are the be all and end all.

DH and I have always valued education, (we have 2 degrees, a masters and a PhD between us) but yes I agree that as a society we do place a ridiculous amount of pressure on children to achieve.

Maybe it is the area that we live in but it is fully expected here that pretty much everyone goes to a good uni, I wonder if it is also a coincidence that anxiety/ self harming/anorexia are all rife here too?

DH teaches in a private school where a Grade 7 is already being seen as a mishap, he finds it difficult to watch how some parents criticise their children on parents evening when he knows that the child is working at the absolute limits of its ability.

In our own family we were guilty of "Pushing" DD to do ever better, she ended up on propranolol whilst taking her exams . We learned from this and did not push DS1, yet he was still absolutely terrified whilst taking his GCSEs to the point where he threw up every morning before every exam. Unbeknown to us every teacher in every subject was reading them the riot act about the importance of GCSEs and how they would end up on the scrap heap if they didn't do well enough.
DS3 took his GCSEs this year, we did not ever encourage him to revise, he spent most of last year playing computer games and going out with his friends. We decided that his mental health was worth more than a bunch of certificates. He absolutely aced it, did much better than his siblings on paper and without the angst.

Education isn't everything. Health comes first.

Exactly Girlie - I certainly wouldn't want to be a teenager these days - the pressure is immense - not just with education but as you say social media and a desire to fit are paramount.

It's really difficult for kids these days - life is just hard!

I couldn't care less if she failed all her exams, we would deal with it and move on

She is the one who would have to deal with it...for the rest of her life. I understand that you don't want her stressed, but to say you "couldn't care less"? Really?

Yes this I don't believe exam results are the be all and end all, having a dd who is well is the most important thing.

I also feel what this government have done to secondary education is disgraceful, much more emphasis on exams and testing. I hated exams and without coursework to help my results would have been much worse.

Girliefriendlikesflowers

Yes, but passing her exams and having access to a career that keeps we out of poverty is how she will stay well. Poverty is awful for the health.

I agree with the school is the least of it. Life gets harder the older you get and the more things you have to deal with. I think a sou d grounding in being able to put perspective on things and realise things aren't the end of the world is essential

I agree with your last statement, but unfortunately the only real way to develop that is through experience.

My secondary school years were the most difficult of my life. Not because I haven't faced worse challenges since, but because back then I had too much piled on too soon, with no coping strategies. Life has gotten easier, not harder, as I got older, because I developed a much better sense of perspective. The challenges do get harder, but as an adult you have the benefit of experience, and you have far more agency, which helps with some problems. I can leave my job if it makes me miserable. Not immediately, because of financial concerns, but I can find a way. The same isn't true of school.

this so are lifelong mental health problems. Having a dd mentally well means she can make decisions about what she wants to do and what she needs to do to get there. It also means she can develop social skills and friendships.

Yes, Girl, I get that you care about her MH. I just don't get that you couldn't give a toss about her education, because that will affect her MH.

My high-achieving DD was made ill by secondary school. She missed a whole term of year 13. She's now in HE in what seems to be a much better environment for her; fingers crossed. Her experience made her think much harder about which course to accept, and she raised eyebrows by turning down one place in particular.

I should add that we're not in the UK. This is not purely a British problem, although some of the stories on here about UK secondary schools are horrendous.

Charlotte your childhood sounds exactly like mine. I scraped by with 2 grade Cs in the only subjects I was any good at.

I'm in a position where I can't afford to work anyway, so a degree wouldn't have made any difference. I was still a child when I was choosing my 'O' levels, I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do when I left school.

Education is the very thing that enabled DH and I to climb out of the poverty we were both raised in. It gives children a chance to break the cycle but education that breaks a childs spirit is different.

I hope to be a parent that encourages my DC rather than pushes them and there is a fundamental difference between the two.

I have also over the years hired people with less than stellar results who have been brilliant because I have focussed on their experience rather than what school/university they went to. But this only works because someone initially gave them a chance. We need to consider multiple means of entry into the workplace not just university. Education should be focussed on making children job ready not academic results ready.

There is also the concept of lifelong learning, I left school with very few qualifications , I struggled massively due to undiagnosed neurodevelopment disorder. By the age of 37 I had a degree in Public Health and had a professional job which was very well paid.

Don’t write your chikdren off if they struggle as there is always a way to the job they want. They may not be ready at 16 or able enough but ten years on they might well be able.

Philomena - That's another salient point - having to make chioces about subject options. Does any child even know what they want to do ultimately when they make their options? I didn't know what I wanted to do as a career until I was 28!!

GCSE options are pretty broad. I would expect A level students to have a good idea about what they liked and were good at, but equally you can still make fairly broad choices that don’t close many, if any, doors. And of courses degrees don’t have to force you down one very narrow route.

Again, it’s about choices and options.