To regret moving out of London?

[Pickupthephone]

So about 6 months ago we moved from a tiny one bed flat in a lovely (but expensive) part of south London to a house in an town in one of the Home Counties.

We wanted a proper house and garden (and we couldn’t afford one in London), we wanted to be closer to the countryside, and we wanted things like good schools and good hospitals. I actually wanted to relocate completely and move up north, but my DH didn’t want to (jobs etc) so we compromised on this place.

And we’ve got all that stuff but I miss London.

The town we’ve moved to is ‘officially’ posh and insanely expensive (cheaper than London but that’s not saying much). And it seems superficially nice when you visit it (and as it did when we were looking round) but when you get to know it, it’s such a dump. The council tax is through the roof but the council definitely aren’t doing any street cleaning - the centre of town’s dirty and always stinks. There seems to be a lot of drug use - perhaps because there’s less for young people to do - but walking home at night I feel way more threatened there than I ever did in London. There are so many homeless people. They have camps on the pavements. How is such a rich council in such a rich area not helping them?! The car to human ratio is about 10 to 1 (I guess because there’s no public transport) so the traffic’s terrible, the pollution’s terrible, parking’s terrible. And we pay thousands of pounds in season tickets for the privilege of living here.

I know I’m going to get told that I should have got to know the place better before moving, perhaps you’re right, but it was tricky. I guess I’m just looking for sympathy - has anyone else moved and regretted it?

@AnnaNimmity were you scared about moving back? We're waiting till next summer then making our final (maybe) decision

I also didn't get St Albans - great on paper and the town is lovely but otherwise just seems to be suburban houses and way too crowded. Public services must be busting at the seams.

I love London to visit two or three times a year and so do my DC but it would be my absolute nightmare city to live in, I don't get why so many people seem to think the world revolves around London.
much prefer Manchester by far, which yes does have some shithole areas but also amazing restaurants and a good mix of cultures and lots of good schools.
I've missed the point of this thread I know but I can't get over how many people seem to think London is the only good city in the world.

My mum lived in St Albans for a while and we all thought it was very posh. We went for a lunchtime drink and a group of girls started head butting each other during their hen party celebrations

Well, if we’re going to get into it, I love Manchester too! London is also fab though.

My favourite city in the uk would either be Bath or Edinburgh though. Glasgow also great. I also have a soft spot for Belfast but my dad is Belfast born and bred, so that’s probably why.

Actually, I retract Bath. I think I only like it for sentimental reasons.

@lostlondoner if you mean the town in Kent beginning with O which has been mentioned several times on this thread... I am indeed very close by, but I couldn't dignify my current location with "town" status!

I love London to visit two or three times a year and so do my DC but it would be my absolute nightmare city to live in, I don't get why so many people seem to think the world revolves around London.
much prefer Manchester by far, which yes does have some shithole areas but also amazing restaurants and a good mix of cultures and lots of good schools.
I've missed the point of this thread I know but I can't get over how many people seem to think London is the only good city in the world.

I totally agree with you, but that’s a different debate - I’m not comparing the merits of London with other British cities. I love lots of other cities - Manchester, Leeds, York, Bath, and Edinburgh. As I said in my OP, I wanted to relocate completely and move up north. But the problem for a lot of people, including me and my DH, isn’t that we “think London is the only good city in the world” (far from it) - it’s work. My DH works in a very specialist field for which London really is not just a national but a global centre of excellence. If we relocated, he feels he’d be throwing away his life’s work. And I 100% understand that. Equally, I could do my job in the north, but I’d earn literally half my current salary (for the same hours and stress).

So then the question becomes - if you have to work in London, and therefore live in the south east, is it better to live in London or the commuter belt - and that’s where I think I regret our decision.

obviously it depends on the sector but my friends (accountant, analyst & surgeon) who have moved to other cities have found the salaries not bad. Yes they are lower but the cost of living is much lower.

But if the question is London or the commuter belt then London wins.

Maybe move further out? Somewhere like the pretty village near didcot (45m into london). Or closer to reading for the new cross rail? Or even oxford itself? You say you wanted to move North so I think maybe you need more of a change than just suburban jungle.

Yes they are lower but the cost of living is much lower.

Unrelated point but I always wonder if this is true. I grew up in the north - obviously housing is much, much cheaper, and so is drinking in pubs. But groceries aren’t cheaper, neither are fuel and utilities, or clothes and shoes, or cars, or furniture. Neither’s council tax. Neither are holidays - in fact flights from the northern airports tend to be more expensive.

I love the north and you may well get a better quality of life but I’m always sceptical of the claim that the cost of living is much lower.

But groceries aren’t cheaper I live in one of the posh towns mentioned below and I know for certain that steak is about 30% cheaper in the butchers near my parent's house in N.Ireland and the steak is bloody amazing - much better than round here!

Sounds like you need a plan. Something longer term like saving so you can move if you wish and then in the short term, things you can do that will help you feel more settled.
So maybe agree what you’d need to move again and how long it would take to save. Then work on what you can do during that time to enjoy your day to day more. It might even be trying to spend a day at the weekend back in London pottering about or at other local areas so you mix it up a bit. The benefit there being to get a feel for some other places that might be better in the long run.
You’re definitely not unreasonable to feel regret, you can’t help how you feel. But you do have the power to make a plan and look for ways to feel better. So for now focus on what is within your control and don’t beat yourself up.

When I talk about cost of living I’m largely talking housing. Not paying 2-3k in rent or mortgage makes a difference.

Also one has moved closer to family saving another 1.5k in childcare

Housing is the very thing that makes the cost of living so much lower outside the south east though. If you're under 45ish, you're going to be paying massively more on average than you'd need to for similar accommodation elsewhere. Dwarfs the amount of money spent on eg council tax.

@lostlondoner no I wasn’t at all scared. Logistically it was difficult (getting into schools) and I lost money on my house (should have kept the London one) but it was the best thing I’ve done!
Op my view is it’s better to live in London than the commuter belt. I hated commuting though.

It's funny, i immediately thought St Albans as well. I've got friends there and looked to buy there as well but bought in Hertford in the end. Much much much prefer Hertford.

Doesn't sound like St Albans to me..there's no noticeable drug/homesless problem here. And she said she moved for (among other things) the hospitals but there's no hospital here either Sorry but there idea homeless problem in st.albans. there is also a hospital there (NHS and private).

It's difficult to adapt to living outside of London but if you choose the place to suit your style and life then it could be the best thing you've ever done (this coming from someone who grew up and lived in London before moving out).

Guildford or St Albans, I reckon.

St Albans has a real underbelly. We used to love visiting the Arboretum and Cathedral and enjoyed cycling around there, but the big park can be a bit menacing. The traffic situation is terrible too.

The suburbs of London (zones 3-6) and villages around London are the sweet spot. Great transport, mixed communities, good schools, close to culture.. Inner London is awesome too but the communities tend to be polarised from each other (Highgate/Hornsey, Clapham/Camberwell etc.)

I do agree OP that you'd likely be happier in another city entirely rather than the halfway house you've got now. Your salary at 50% of what it is now for the same job and stress probably would buy you an easier life, especially if you have a pot of south eastern equity to cash in on. If you do still feel unhappy in a few years time, I'd be tempted to look at ways in which you could move somewhere else entirely and DH either work remotely or in something else. It's a shame when work dictates your life.

I live in outer London. Generally it's getting rougher by the minute. I can't move because of my elderly mum but I will def move away when she's gone.

I genuinely wonder what people miss about London but I don't go to galleries etc any more, if I can avoid central I do, and any free time goes to mum anyway. I used to love the place, but obviously it's changed a lot over my lifetime.

I increasingly see reports on MN from people who live in naice areas saying it's all turning pretty grim though. It's a worry. People have mentioned St. Albans and Guildford, I thought they were lovely but maybe not.

We came to UK and stay because of work with no friends and family and have been living in SW London for nearly 10 yrs now. My elder daughter is going to secondary next week and her sister is in reception. We are filling the private school forms and thinking of moving out. Couple of things worrying us: travelling time and cost then the city vibe especially for us(Southeast Asian). I am tearing my hair right now. We love a change too and dont mind to move.

Where did you move to? unfortunately same situation here.

I reckon Tunbridge Wells.

I was coming on here to recommend Marlow to bridgetoc, but having seen their racist comment they should go and live somewhere else