To regret moving out of London?

[Pickupthephone]

So about 6 months ago we moved from a tiny one bed flat in a lovely (but expensive) part of south London to a house in an town in one of the Home Counties.

We wanted a proper house and garden (and we couldn’t afford one in London), we wanted to be closer to the countryside, and we wanted things like good schools and good hospitals. I actually wanted to relocate completely and move up north, but my DH didn’t want to (jobs etc) so we compromised on this place.

And we’ve got all that stuff but I miss London.

The town we’ve moved to is ‘officially’ posh and insanely expensive (cheaper than London but that’s not saying much). And it seems superficially nice when you visit it (and as it did when we were looking round) but when you get to know it, it’s such a dump. The council tax is through the roof but the council definitely aren’t doing any street cleaning - the centre of town’s dirty and always stinks. There seems to be a lot of drug use - perhaps because there’s less for young people to do - but walking home at night I feel way more threatened there than I ever did in London. There are so many homeless people. They have camps on the pavements. How is such a rich council in such a rich area not helping them?! The car to human ratio is about 10 to 1 (I guess because there’s no public transport) so the traffic’s terrible, the pollution’s terrible, parking’s terrible. And we pay thousands of pounds in season tickets for the privilege of living here.

I know I’m going to get told that I should have got to know the place better before moving, perhaps you’re right, but it was tricky. I guess I’m just looking for sympathy - has anyone else moved and regretted it?

[bridgetoc]

I haven’t said where it is because I don’t want to cause offence to other people who live here - it’s home to thousands of people after all - or start a debate about the merits of this town in particular. But it is one of the places mentioned upthread.

I know Mumsnet is the home of The Snowflake, but I'm you can tell us where you are without others crying into their cornflakes.

We are thinking about moving out of London. It's the best city in the world for always having something to do, and we are in a nice part of it which we love. However, drugs, crime, and immigrants are slowly starting to creep in, and in ten years it will be a hovel like most parts of London.

We want somewhere close to London, that still feels like England.

St Albans, Marlow, Cambridge, Canterbury, Oxford, Odiham, Leigh-On-Sea, Brighton, Ewell, Amersham, Berkhamsted, and Virginia Water are the places that top our list.

Is it one of them OP? If so, give us a clue........ What letter does it begin with?

[Vivaldi1678]

I also think it's Harpenden.

How old are your DC? Schooling must be a big factor here as, if you are going to move back to London, you presumably want to co-ordinate it so that the DC are not unnecessarily disrupted by having to move schools twice.

[AltheaorDonna]

We moved from London to Cork, that was a bit of an adjustment alright! It took us about a year to settle, then we loved it. Ten years later we moved to Australia. That was easy in comparison -because it was so much nicer-.Give yourself time to settle in, there must be some advantages. Making new friends helps a lot too.

[Urbanbeetler]

Brigetoc , you do realise that those immigrants you are so worried about ‘creeping in’ are one reason why we have those great hospitals. I had great treatment from a German consultant, an Indian anaesthetist , a Nigerian and Filipino nurses and a Polish hca. Creep in, indeed. We would be so stuffed if they all ‘crept ‘ back out again.

[chalkyc2]

I moved from Zone 2 to outer outer zone 6 and that was culture shock enough - hated it but for the financial reasons the OP mentions we were stuck there. 6 years later we managed to move back into zone 4 - our original neighbourhood now totally unaffordable and kids at school so this was the best we could do.

I regret the decision to move out initially - I think I went crazy. In my defence I had a 2 yr old and baby so maybe I actually was crazy!!! Husband never felt as strongly as me and actually likes the ease of getting out of London from the outer suburbs.

You just have to hang in there OP. I decided I had to give it 3 years. It will improve, and it's not a life sentence. You will find likeminded friends and some things to enjoy.

[bridgetoc]

Brigetoc, you do realise that those immigrants you are so worried about ‘creeping in’ are one reason why we have those great hospitals. I had great treatment from a German consultant, an Indian anaesthetist , a Nigerian and Filipino nurses and a Polish hca. Creep in, indeed. We would be so stuffed if they all ‘crept ‘ back out again.

They are all welcome, and always will be. I'm thinking of the dealers, pick pockets, burglers, professional beggers, benefit cheats, pimps, gang members etc etc. I'm sure you will agree that we can do without them. Don't you?

Anyways lets get back on topic.......

[LakieLady]

The money is all kept down South sweeting the Tory voters.

Not if my (Sussex) council is anything to go by! We pay one of the highest council taxes in the country. The roads are in a diabolical state, social services are in a state of collapse, there's a high rate of homelessness, beggars and rough sleepers have appeared on the streets in the last few years, schools would rather excluded SN pupils than make provision for them, and it is impossible to actually speak to anyone at the council to get a problem sorted.

This is an affluent, semi-rural market town, historic and very pretty, in a national park. It's hard to find a family home for under half a mill, despite them building new homes whenever anything bigger than a phone box is demolished.

What we are seeing is the end result of 10 years of austerity and the near-collapse of public services.

[Panicmode1]

We moved out of London to Surrey and moved on again very quickly. I realised within about 6 months we had made a mistake. Life is too short to be unhappy. If you can't afford to sell and buy just yet, is renting yours out, and renting somewhere else a possibility?

[Inexperiencedandperplexed]

OP it sounds like you utterly got it wrong and chose to move out of London to live in a bit of shit hole

I feel for you. I moved out of London to a for hours town in Home Counties and it’s winderfil. Still love London but inifijitelt prefer raisins a family here.

You got it wrong with where you moved to. You need to move again!

[Inexperiencedandperplexed]

Sorry typos

You get my gist...

[Inexperiencedandperplexed]

*Four years ago, we sold a tiny London flat and moved to rural Sweden

I’m sorry you’re unhappy and had no social life

I’m baffled though. What did you expect?

[WhackyBirds]

It’s no longer feasible for many people to rent and rent because the law has changed. You are taxed on the income from the rental and are not allowed to offset it against renting your own place. The tax man doesn’t care whether you spend your rental money on somewhere to live or shoes, it still considered a taxable profit.

We lost about £30,000 on our moving in an out of London because we rented for a year instead of sold/bought. I don’t regret it because at least we now know that the grass isn’t greener (even though it is!)

[jay55]

I’ve left and returned twice, I rent though and moved to another city for work and family reasons.
I’m much happier back in London.

[WhackyBirds]

We moved to Oxfordshire btw. Drugs are a huge problem. I never see it in London, I did in Oxfordshire.

[Fatted]

You definitely wouldn't have like it moving to the North then!!

The suburbs are totally different to living in the city, no matter where you go. There's problems with parking, homeless people, druggies, rundown city centres and the council not having any money no matter where you go.

Come and live in the small north Wales town where I live for a week. You will suddenly have a new appreciation for where you are now!

[mammmamia]

She can’t just move back with a ‘cheeky offer’.
Stamp duty has put that kind of quick move out of reach for most people.

OP, I moved out of a house in zone 2 to a slightly bigger one in zone 6.
We had enough space in the London house and would have been happy to stay but we wanted to live closer to parents who now help with school pick ups etc.
At first I couldn’t settle but I love it now. I have a detached house - hated living so close to other people in London. Have a drive way. Could never park near my own house in London.
I’m actually closer to the tube here than I was before.
I don’t like the lack of choice of restaurants etc.
Main difference is that we are close to family and we’ve made a lot of local friends through DC school etc. I hope you make a good social life and that will make all the difference.
I do find the small suburb claustrophobic as everyone knows everyone sometimes but I also work in the city so I am not exposed to it all the time and I guess I’m in London for work but not every day.

[Tara336]

It is a huge change in lifestyle leaving London, I grew up in the Home Counties and had a 30 to 40 min train journey to get to central London. Four years ago I moved in with DP to his home on South Coast. I hated it, visiting and living somewhere are two completely different things. Although I’ve settled now and we have a lovely home, it’s been helped by buying a second home in back in my home county (not always feasible for everyone I know) it’s made the world of difference and we’ve agreed when DP retires we will move back to my home county as he loves the life there too. You do have to give things time though it took me 2 or 3 years to feel reasonably settled here but it will never be home

[TheVeryHungryDieter]

Ah, OP, I sympathise.

We have moved out of central London twice. Once in 2007 with no kids, as I was working in St Albans. We lasted 15 months. Loved our house, hated that we weren't in east London anymore. But at the end of the 15 months it was the global financial crisis and we were in negative equity. We couldn't sell. So we ended up renting in central London and renting out the house for about £100 less a month than our mortgage just to get out. Luckily the housing market bounced back quickly and we managed to sell after a year when the tenants moved on. Getting out of that without a big financial hit is one of the luckiest things that happened us.

We moved two years ago to a really dull village which has nothing but charity shops and the British legion. Whoever it was talked about an area that feels "more British" should move here - I'm not British and in my 15 years here I've never felt more like an outsider than I do now. This is compounded because I also work in an area where almost everyone is British, and needs to be as a qualification of the job. I do want to go back to an area where everyone is from somewhere else! I miss feeling like a world citizen, not a stranger in someone else's land.
Most of our neighbours are retired, but young families are starting to move in. We moved here for schools, a garden and decent commute to central London and we have that in spades.

At just over two years in, I am just starting to get to know people around here. I worked a lot for the first two years which doesn't help you settle when you aren't around to meet people. Now I work from home a bit more and try to talk to parents on the school run but as I'm doing a Year 1 drop at 8:55 and a preschool drop at 9:10 it's still not a lot of time to socialise! I joined a gym a month ago when DD started preschool and have started to meet or bump into people there I find. Including one lady who grew up on the same road as me in our home country!

Give it time. I like our house but I do fantasise about moving "home" to central when the kids are older/in uni. DS knows about 60 kids his age now and he's growing up with his social circle around him. We traded ours for his, but it's not forever!

[missfliss]

@lakielady culdn't agree more.

also in sussex (west) in a very up and coming bit near Brighton. Public servces cut to the bone despite being an expensive place to live.

Have a child with SEN - suffering exactly in the way you describe thanks to fecking austerity.

[batshite1]

As born & bred Londoners DH & I have often have this conversation as sometimes we really want more space & worry about rising crime rates. After watching many friends leave we have come to the conclusion we would prefer to relocate to another city & live close to the centre as opposed to the home counties which is the traditional move. We are in zone 2/3 & even zone 6 scares me a bit but then we have our parents close which makes a big difference to quality of life so you have to weigh up the pros & cons. Having said that one day I would love to live by the sea, particularly if we have more summers like this one!

[SnuggyBuggy]

I remember going for a job interview at John Radcliffe to discover that beyond the dreaming spires of Oxford it's pretty much dystopian estates. I was relieved not to get the job to be honest.

[PootrolliumJelly]

I actually wanted to relocate completely and move up north, but my DH didn’t want to (jobs etc) so we compromised on this place.

I think this is the problem here.

You are getting none of the benefits of country living and none of the benefits of being in London.

Either move to the real country or move back to London.

I know jobs could be an issue, but if your DH would agree and start looking for work, at least you would feel hope that you are working on the problem.

I know what it's like to miss London. Took me years to stop yearning for it, but then I never could have bought a property there in a million years.

[Ghanagirl]

@bridgetoc
You do realise that you’re a racist idiot

[Fragolino]

Op, you won't cause offence at all we are all big girls on here who can handle someone else's opinion!! Plenty of people say they hate London I adore it. People might say my hometown is a shit hole and it is.

Can you say where it is!

[bridgetoc]

@bridgetoc
You do realise that you’re a racist idiot

Nonsense, and not worth responding to further.