To regret moving out of London?

[Pickupthephone]

So about 6 months ago we moved from a tiny one bed flat in a lovely (but expensive) part of south London to a house in an town in one of the Home Counties.

We wanted a proper house and garden (and we couldn’t afford one in London), we wanted to be closer to the countryside, and we wanted things like good schools and good hospitals. I actually wanted to relocate completely and move up north, but my DH didn’t want to (jobs etc) so we compromised on this place.

And we’ve got all that stuff but I miss London.

The town we’ve moved to is ‘officially’ posh and insanely expensive (cheaper than London but that’s not saying much). And it seems superficially nice when you visit it (and as it did when we were looking round) but when you get to know it, it’s such a dump. The council tax is through the roof but the council definitely aren’t doing any street cleaning - the centre of town’s dirty and always stinks. There seems to be a lot of drug use - perhaps because there’s less for young people to do - but walking home at night I feel way more threatened there than I ever did in London. There are so many homeless people. They have camps on the pavements. How is such a rich council in such a rich area not helping them?! The car to human ratio is about 10 to 1 (I guess because there’s no public transport) so the traffic’s terrible, the pollution’s terrible, parking’s terrible. And we pay thousands of pounds in season tickets for the privilege of living here.

I know I’m going to get told that I should have got to know the place better before moving, perhaps you’re right, but it was tricky. I guess I’m just looking for sympathy - has anyone else moved and regretted it?

I think public transport is a huge issue actually. I’ve lived in London most of my life (in zone 5 now but I still have about six or seven different routes/ways to get into town) and I can’t imagine having to drive everywhere. My MIL lives in Sussex and the traffic in her town is awful. I think as someone who is used to just jumping on a bus/train/tube/tram I would struggle to cope and it would really affect my quality of life. I know that sounds a bit dramatic! So maybe you would be better in another city like Manchester, OP?

My in laws moved for that reason Rita. MIL got her bus pass only to find there were few routes and they all go through the congested town centre.

They are all welcome, and always will be. I'm thinking of the dealers, pick pockets, burglers, professional beggers, benefit cheats, pimps, gang members etc etc. I'm sure you will agree that we can do without them. Don't you?

So why didn't you say that, rather than refer to "immigrants creeping in"?

I get this OP. I'm in Australia and moved from inner city Melbourne to a coastal town in northern NSW. We moved for the same reasons as you, bigger house, cheaper more space, etc etc. I don't regret it as such but Geez I mss Melbourne. It is absolutely beautiful here, less crime better weather but I'm homesick. I understand.

Very interesting thread as I often rightmove what I can afford outside London. I think maybe in underestimate how much of a Londoner I am.
Btw in terms of location I’m guessing OP is in Tunbridgewells, Orpington or Canterbury

I live in Tunbridge Wells and don't recognise it from the OPs description. Yes, it's congested, yes, there are some homeless people (as there are in any town), but it's not stinky and dirty. As in every town, there are challenges being faced by Councils who are having their government grants reduced/removed, retailers are shutting because people shop online, and austerity is hitting, even in 'naice' towns.

However, I think if you have a negative mindset towards somewhere, and it's not what you were expecting, then you are always going to see the bad, not the good. I know that once I had decided that the bit of Surrey we had moved to was not where I wanted to be, no-one could have persuaded me of its merits!

People mention rising crime, begging, homeless but will still vote Tory for more austerity!

I recall how bad crime and homelessness was under the Major government. Labour spent years pumping money back in to get public services working normally again. Austerity is a con, the government can always find money when they want to bomb another country or for trident.

Once austerity ends and money starts going towards services, police etc, all of the symptoms of the cuts will start to drop.

Where are you OP?

*We pay one of the highest council taxes in the country. The roads are in a diabolical state, social services are in a state of collapse, there's a high rate of homelessness, beggars and rough sleepers have appeared on the streets in the last few years, schools would rather excluded SN pupils than make provision for them, and it is impossible to actually speak to anyone at the council to get a problem sorted.

This is an affluent, semi-rural market town, historic and very pretty, in a national park. It's hard to find a family home for under half a mill, despite them building new homes whenever anything bigger than a phone box is demolished.

What we are seeing is the end result of 10 years of austerity and the near-collapse of public services.*

Yes, and this really sounds like our experience. I wonder if the social problems are made worse by the affluence of these sorts of towns - housing is so expensive that people wind up sleeping rough; bored teenagers have money so they can afford to buy drugs; criminals are attracted by the affluence. It’s not as simple as this place being an out-and-out ‘shithole’ - it’s one of the most expensive places to buy property in the country outside London.

I also wonder if you do better for your council tax in London because of the economy of scale. Our council tax was lower in London but the roads, street cleaning, bin collection, etc was WAY better (although the schools were diabolical).

It really isn’t an option to move - SDLT cleaned us out before, plus the market’s flatlining. My DH’s job is very London focussed so it would be tricky for us to relocate.

My DH has said to me - as have some wise people on here - that he wants me to give it 3 years and to TRY my hardest to like it during that time - to make friends and focus on the positives (of which there are many) rather than complaining. At the end of that time we’ll see what Brexit has done to house prices and then look at moving (if we’re not in negative equity)...

i think 3 years sounds fair - you'll know by then whether it is somewhere you can spend long term.

Part of the problem for us is that a) we moved somewhere where we had no ties to, so we had to start over with friends, shops, good doctors, dentists etc even just knowing the quickest route across town and b) it felt like a massive compromise, we didnt move where I wanted to move to (i wanted to go back to East Anglia) but DH couldnt move precisely where he wanted either so neither of us had what we wanted.

We've been here 7 years now. I'm watching my kids grow up here and that makes it feel like home. We could have moved two years ago but it was me that blocked it - I have a good circle of friends etc. You honestly couldnt pay me to move away now.

That might not happen for you of course but you'll have more options a couple of years down the line.

OP I think you may well live in the same place as I do - which has been mentioned on here, and if I'm right, I do not wholly disagree with your assessment of it, but I think you're missing a lot of the positives too.

We moved here from zone 2 nearly 6 years ago, and I missed London dreadfully at first, and felt quite a lot of resentment about being "stuck" here. It took a good couple of years before it started to feel like home, but it very much does now. So yes, give it time, and yes, put some work into finding your place here. You will get back as much as you put in.

@Unfinishedkitchen I can assure you I didn't vote Tory, but I do live in a Tory council and absolutely agree with your assessment of why austerity fails. It creates far more complex and expensive to fix problems than it solves.

I'm not sure that you ever really get over not living in London, if you liked it, but you feel the loss less as time passes

^^ This. I always miss it when I’m visiting. But you can adjust and you will.

YABU to regret moving out of London, YANBU to regret moving to the frankly, soul destroying sounding town that you decided to move to.

I moved to a small village in Surrey from central London after living there for 20 years. I love London (well the historic, beautiful parts, anyway) but I didn’t want to live there anymore, working there is enough for me. Too much crime, pollution and disaffected people. It became depressing tbh and I felt on edge much of the time.

I have honestly never been happier or healthier. My house backs onto green belt forest and it’s so safe I leave my bike outside my front door all year round, it feels like going back in time, but in a good way. There are no homeless people in the nearby town, either. I don’t know why this is.

London was great when I was in my twenties and thirties, but now the things London has to offer don’t interest me. I love the countryside, fresh air and feeling of safety, I enjoy going for walks with the dogs and a cosy pub far more than being in a noisy bar, I guess some would say I’m boring now, but that’s ok

OP, get out of the place you are in soonest, whenever you can. There are plenty of lovely places to live in Surrey! Good luck

I don’t think OP can be talking about St Albans despite mentioning astronomical house prices because I don’t think there are camps of homeless. But there are homeless here and there are drugs- big time; I guess it’s true that the polarisation created by the rise in house prices is causing its own problems. I am so sad our country is going down the route of money is everything. How can we change this?

I get it. I left a few years ago and I know London gets under your skin and it makes it hard to leave because in some ways, London beats every city. Possibly more day trips could help - they help me deal with those pangs of regret...I call them my 'London top-up's'.

Oxford is my guess as to your location. It has one of the most beautiful city centre's in the country but the dark side of the city is very obvious.

I think the first step to helping you get your head into getting to know the area is to not look at is if you’ve left London and can never return. Things might be very different in 3yrs and you might come back.

I’d look at it like a sabbatical. Imagine you moved abroad for a few years or something. Explore it, maybe join a club or class.

Orpington isn’t a Home Counties town; it’s a suburb. And while it is a bit manky it is really well connected and about 25 mins from central London, hardly a backwater.

All the places people are guessing sound lovely - are they really all so bad?!

Also agog to know which town it is, I moved out of Guildford (semi-rural, historic, affluent, South Downs park) six months ago for work and wish I hadn't because it was bloody lovely. Unless something awful has happened to it in half a year?

No harm in saying where it is surely? It’s all about perception, we all have different views about things and places!

i lasted 5 years and moved back. Knew pretty much straight away I'd made a mistake. House prices rose insanely in London while I was away and I've had to buy in a much less nice area. Don't regret it at all though. Smaller house/garden etc, but much prefer living in London and am happy I made the right decision for my DCs too.

Hungry - did you not think that most of the UK is "too British" seeing as it is, well, in Britain?

It would be like me moving to somewhere outside of Madrid and wondering why it was Spanish? Although I haven't been for years, I'm sure Madrid still feels Spanish.

I remember going for a job interview at John Radcliffe to discover that beyond the dreaming spires of Oxford it's pretty much dystopian estates. I was relieved not to get the job to be honest.

I don’t know Oxford well at all, I’ve just been on a couple of day trips there and thought it was gorgeous. But my DH grew up there (on one of the less nice estates) and he would 100% agree with your assessment. Funnily enough when I was complaining about this town a few nights ago, he said something along the lines of ‘You’ve no idea - if you want to see homeless people, drugs and traffic, you should try Oxford.’ And I laughed at the idea that growing up amongst the dreaming spires made him street.

But I think you understand what I’m getting at - it’s this sort of thin veneer of beauty and affluence that masks problems underneath, and I didn’t see that coming.

I can sympathise with the OP although I have been living in Watford Hertfordshire for the majority of my life , London still feels like it is my home and always will do, it is where I grew up, formed my opinions etc.

However I have to appreciate that to my Dc 's Watford is their "home" to the extent that DS1 has recently moved from a lovely large 4 bedroomed house in Huntingdon , to a very tiny run down house (think half the house twice the money) to return to where he considers "home".

My DIL is more adaptable fortunately and has lived all over the UK, and she says "Home is where those you love are"
I think she is very wise and whilst DH and I have thought of moving back to London when DH retires, I wonder if it would be wise?

I don’t think you’ll offend anyone by saying where it is. People who live there may have some tips on areas to avoid and where is nice. Also mumsnetters thinking of moving out of London will appreciate the info!