No, DH, you are not fucking 'helping' me

[KatnissMellark]

By doing the dishwasher once in a blue moon

Relatively light hearted. He grew up with a mother who did everything for him, has vaguely learnt to pull his weight but occasionally often slips back into lazy mode and when reminded to contribute to the running of the household is terribly offended and feels I'm calling him a bastard. I'm not most of the time

Yanbu. It's great you're not enabling his lazy behaviour. And yes, pulling your own weight at home is definitely not helping.

Yes! My dh once told me "I've done the washing up for you". No dh, you've done it because you're an adult that also lives in this house. Safe to say it was the only time he's ever told me he's done a normal household job "for me".

I hate this! In the same camp as when people say "DH is babysitting the kids" how is he babysitting his own children? He's just performing normal father roles

I work most days and dh is a sahp, he never asks about my day but I have to hear about every task he has done, does my head in tbh. Going to buy a dishwasher and write his name on the instruction book!

It's just so infuriating we both work full-time but somehow I run the house and he 'helps', then expects seal style enthusiastic clapping for washing a teaspoon

My DH constantly refers to stuff he's done around the house as "for me"! Drives me bananas.

The amount of people who ask me if DH is babysitting the DC is so infuriating. Ahhh

DH also lists what he has done around the house and expects a medal.

Oh yes, the 'babysitting' gem. Teenagers babysit. Parents parent.

It could be worse... my dh calls me over to show me how it looks when ‘done properly’ 😡

We both work full time and on the rare occasion he decides to do something I never hear the F##king end of it!!! Did you notice I put the laundry on? Did you notice I emptied the kitchen bin? Oh I fed the cat by the way...….Pisses me right off!!

OMG @SixToEightInchesOfSnow how have you not buried him under the patio!?!

I hope you told your OHs "I am NOT your bloody mother" to each statement.

Unfortunately it doesn't work on mine as his mother did as little housework as his father. Though when a friend - male - moaned about his OH - female - refusing to clean I told him to "Get a fucking cleaner as it isn't his wife's job"

You need to make a big joke gold medal - something out of cardboard and the size of a dinner plate, spray it gold write on it "He did a fucking bit of housework in his own house", put it on a nice red ribbon and award it sarcastically every time he does a bit of the housework.

@MigglegyHiggins 😂

My favourite saying from my OH is once I’ve asked him to help with the house work he will ask “what needs doing?!”

There could be a heap of plates to clean, 10 loads of laundry to do, the hoovering and polishing to do, bathrooms to do and making the beds but he still asks!

He then will do a task that is completely unnecessary like mowing the lawn and take about three hours doing it!

“expects seal style enthusiastic clapping for washing a teaspoon”

Oh go on do it, totally make him cringe. I’d even go one further - every time you do a chore play a loud cheering audience soundbite on your phone just to hammer it home (and maybe make him realise how much more you do than he does)

When I was younger my uncle had a flatmate like this, said uncle asked to borrow my Blue Peter badge; the next time the flatmate banged on about doing a simple chore my uncle presented him with the badge. He stepped up after that

he never asks about my day but I have to hear about every task he has done, does my head in tbh

We're the other way round but when DH does do domestic stuff I still hear about it. I've had to ask him to stop reading me the shopping. "I got this melon... and then they had those crisps we like so I got some of them..." yeah right cheers DH, I'm down Kaufland twice a week, I know what they sell

It’s maddening isn’t it.

My dh knows I hate the ‘for you’ comment, so,says it to,wind me up.

I also get a running commentary.

'I've hung up the washing for you'.

No you haven't, you have hung up YOUR washing which I put in the machine and washed because you have no idea what goes with what and have ruined too many things. It is not MY washing and you have hung it up for yourself.

"For you" really gets on my wick. My teens do this too, as though all of the washing, cleaning and shit jobs are all a treat for me.

My DP does his bit as he fucking should, but I have to hear all about it.

Also annoying is when loads of housework needs doing but he fucks off and does some random thing like clean out the shed for hours.

"seal style enthusiastic clapping"

Happens here too. I normally respond a day later with a blow by blow account of chores and wait patiently for my thanks.

Wow. I could have written this thread myself. 'Well fucking done for cleaning the dishes you used yourself' was the last response I gave to my DH. 'Your blue peter badge is in the post' was one of my faves. He seems to think I'm the one being an arse when I give these replies 🙄

I like to casually list all the chores I’ve done in a day. Just reminds DP how much stuff there is to be done, when one can be bothered. Often, neither of us bother.

Or when they collapse on the sofa at lunchtime and say they're so tired because they've been busy all morning and you have to ask what they've done cos you honestly cant tell that much has changed/been cleaned and it turns out they put the dishwasher on (which was already half full when I filled it the previous night) and they washed up a few random things that wouldnt go in and it took them. all. fecking. morning, and expect you to be overcome with gratitude instead of saying "is that all. i could've done that in 20 minutes"