No, DH, you are not fucking 'helping' me

[KatnissMellark]

By doing the dishwasher once in a blue moon

Relatively light hearted. He grew up with a mother who did everything for him, has vaguely learnt to pull his weight but occasionally often slips back into lazy mode and when reminded to contribute to the running of the household is terribly offended and feels I'm calling him a bastard. I'm not most of the time

That is infuriating.

How the hell can you all bring yourself to have sex with these utterly useless men? I mean they clearly think you are some kind of useful household appliance that makes the drudge work magically go away. I’m very glad I managed to marry an adult that’s capable of pulling his weight, and my teenage son is shaping up pretty well too. I’d be ashamed to inflict such an entitled arsehole on another woman.

@AltheaorDonna 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Sad at all the facilitators on this thread.

I am not interested in living with a man who has so little respect for me or is still a man child.

Why do women put up with this?

DH listed all the housework he’d done today. I’ve now just realised why! At the time, I was very confused.

One of his chores was ‘taking down the laundry that had been on the line for dsys’. Which I pointed out had gone up yesterday evening (I have no fear of it being darked on), as I knew today would be sunny and it would dry.

I was quite annoyed at his hard done by routine. I don’t list all the things that I do - I just get on with it.

Two days after having DS1, MIL (now exMIL) came around and did the hoovering FOR ME!!!

Not for her lazy son who was busy on the Xbox ....

Now happily divorced!!!

OhWotIsItThisTime

We have a fair division of labour, but that does not mean every job is split 50/50.
We haven't even really spoken about who does what, things have just evolved according to the jobs we feel we are more useful at/have time for/ dislike the least.

I do all laundry. I only wash what is in the laundry basket, I don't pick up off the floor- but OH never leaves stuff there anyway. OH has never used the washing machine while we have been together.

OH cleans out the fridge, freezer, organises store cupboards and makes a not of what is running low. There is always food to cook midweek, we never run out of meat in the freezer, olive oil, salad stuff, root veg, peppers etc.

I clean bathrooms.

OH does 90% of the shopping ( he's the one who know what is in the fridge).

I hoover and do floors.

OH cuts the grass, maintains the garden, takes out rubbish, goes to the dump, does minor repairs.

OH does all the cooking and washing up at weekends.

We are both capable of doing all these tasks ( I can do electrics, plumb a washing machine, decorate, tile etc as OH is perfectly capable of doing laundry), but having designated task areas makes things simpler.

I especially hate the word helps/helping in this context. It turns the entire responsibility for everything to do with home life onto one person. The other person can dip in and out and look for thanks and praise when they do what they should be bloody doing as a matter of course.

🤬🤬🤬

I have recently separated from my lazy messy husband. He worked pt and previously had 3 days a week at home while children were at school. I have less housework now I am a working full time single parent........I had suspected this might be the case!

When you say “lighthearted” do you mean that you don’t want anyone to discuss this as a serious issue that many women are facing in their day to day lives, and which we should be thinking about as we bring up the next generation of men and women? In other words is this a “Men, what are they like, eh? I blame my mil. Shall we all share funny stories about how women end up with 90% of the physical and emotional load, and men put the bins out and have a bit of a kick about every second Saturday?”

Why tolerate a lazy disrepectful infantile man?

Who needs that in their life?

DH does his fair share around the house and always has, but for some reason when we moved in together he’d say “I’ve done x for you”. I had an epic rant at him and he’s never done it since! I did question where this attitude came from since before we got together he lived in his own place for 2yr and did it all himself.

Before he left home however, his DM did everything, even banned him from the kitchen, so when he moved out he was clueless. He did figure it all out for himself in the end, but would do things like fill the washer to bursting before putting on a load then wondering why all his clothes were creased to shit!

One occasion MIL came over while DH was making his lunch for work the next day. She asked why I wasn’t doing it. I asked why she thought I should. She said “but he works hard!”, to which I said “So do I”. Then she said “but he works long hours!”, I said “so do I”. This went on for a bit until she finally sputtered “but he’s a man!” to which DH piped up with “for gods sake, my knob doesn’t get in the way of making sandwiches you know!”

After far too long off This shit, combined with ask and I'll do it about 4 hours later we now have a list. Days of the week, what needs doing and who does it. It works most the time, but lazy fuck finds excuses not to do it. WTF were their mothers thinking raising them to think like this ? I'd feel like a failure if ds tried any of this shit. At 5 he puts his crockery in the kitchen after eating, tidied his toys and puts his washing away. more than dp did

I rang to get a replacement head for the vac and dh opened the package and said oh your new head is here so I was like oooh for me?! He did acknowledge the wording was off then!

I can't abide this. I would feel ashamed and embarrassed if household chores and child care weren't evenly split between us.

As a general rule of thumb, childcare is split 50/50. DP does breakfast and school drop off, I do school pick up, cook the evening meal and homework, bath time. DP does bed time reading. Shopping is split (although there's a load of great charity shops near my office so Intend to clothes shop for the family).

I do cooking (and associated cleaning - hate the 'one cooks, other does the dishes' thing), DP does laundry and after tensions rose regarding the cleaning divide we decided to get a cleaner (paid for from the joint household account).

I take DS to taekwon-do, DP takes him to swimming. Works for us, feel like a team and there's no resentment.

My dh wont do anything round the house because he doesn't know what needs doing.
Let's me run round like a blue arsed fly on a day off then has a go because I'm not spending enough time with my son.

Two days after having DS1, MIL (now exMIL) came around and did the hoovering FOR ME!!!

I think this is why mil’s tend to do more for their dd’s grandchildren than ds’. My own mil does everything for her dd- washing, shopping, childcare, takes them on holiday etc, and very little for us. Because she is helping her DD. If she did the same for us, it would be for me, not dh, as all that stuff is wifework..

I was a sahm for a while and dh used to piss me off with his “can you just do x for me” texts. They’d only be little things, like ordering a lightbulb or a bike lock, but he didn’t get that is wasn’t a 20s job- by the time i’d stopped what i was doing, sat at the computer, found whatever it was and been through the ordering process. He could have clicked “buy” on the page he was already looking at in the time it took to text me.

He’s a sahd now. Took him 40mins to order his dd a present from amazon. I gloated. Big time. He also moans about when you do the school runs at 9 and 2.30 there isn’t much time in between to get stuff done. Really?

My dh wont do anything round the house because he doesn't know what needs doing

thecatsarecrazy

Presumably your OH eats? And wears clothes?

I assume he does these things for himself.

This thread is depressing. I've no sympathy for anyone moaning about this nonsense when they choose to put up with it.

This thread is depressing. I've no sympathy for anyone moaning about this nonsense when they choose to put up with it.

I agree.

Yes just about.

My DH will list all the things he has done while I just do them - it’s life

50%. That’s what he should be doing when you’re both home. At weekends etc. Anything less than that LTB!

And LTB was only half in jest. I read these threads and thank the dear lord that I married a woman...

My friends husband just got a pay rise and told her her he would use the money to 'get her a cleaner'🙄