No, DH, you are not fucking 'helping' me

[KatnissMellark]

By doing the dishwasher once in a blue moon

Relatively light hearted. He grew up with a mother who did everything for him, has vaguely learnt to pull his weight but occasionally often slips back into lazy mode and when reminded to contribute to the running of the household is terribly offended and feels I'm calling him a bastard. I'm not most of the time

Argh! My dh is about to fill the dishwasher for me. Earlier he took the rubbish for me. No you didn't ffs you took it out because it was going to overflow and I personally don't care if the dishwasher is never filled again but you and the kids will run out before I do because I can actually hand wash a dish or a cup. As for laundry

There is a frying pan in my sink which has been there for three weeks. I have actually washed it then put it back to see when DH will actually deal with it. I never use a frying pan and it was not used for something he cooked for the family. I suspect it will end up in the bin.
This started because he made his own dinner about a month ago (which he does fairly often, he has a hobby and hates reheating food so sorta himself out) and mentioned that he had to wash a pot before he cooked. I pointed out that it was his unwashed pot from two days before and he didn’t understand why I was annoyed with him. Grr.

House work is the catalyst for most of our arguments...

I have the absolute top prize of a comment from my husband - when he loses the Mexican standoff to make his sandwiches for work the next day, he informs me that 'he's made his lunch', like I'm supposed to be grateful! And meanwhile there a million other jobs that need doing and he's done me a
Huge favour by making his own bastard lunch!!! 😾😾😾 jog on, you moon fruit!!!

Oh dotty.....

I'm both thrilled that mine is not the only relationship like this, yet saddened that so many women deal with this shit in 2018 mine does all the above.

I've seriously considered leaving him for these very reasons, I'm morphing into a pretty staunch feminist the longer I'm with him. Only for the children I think I would have cracked and ran for the hills by now! I try to focus on his positives... it's getting harder and harder...

Wow, dotty!

My DH used to announce when he'd done the vacuuming. I had surgery last year which meant I couldn't do housework, so he had to do it. He doesn't do as much now but at least he's stopped announcing what he has done.

Moon fruit 😂

Not the dynamics in our house.

OH and I both pull out weight. W each see what needs doing and it gets done- without either of us asking or commenting.

"DH also lists what he has done around the house and expects a medal."

Yep, mine does this too. Really fucks me off. I just look at him slightly non plussed and go riigghhht? What exactly is he expecting me to say!

Slightly off subject but The Alexa ad currently on tv. The Dad babysitting his very young child. Does my head in. Every time I see it I can't help myself and end up shouting at the tv . 'It's parenting' !!!

I used to (years ago) get the odd 'for you' comment but he quickly stopped after I patiently explained why I would have to kill him if he said it again.

Since I've returned to work, my mum has asked if he helps out around the house. When I responded 'no, he doesn't help me out but he does do his share' she looked at me a bit confused.

DP was also completely spoilt by him DM and had to be trained

We rented for a while and he came on leaps and bounds but we moved in with her for a while whilst we saved for a deposit on our house and he slipped back into his old ways!

Now we’ve got our own home he’s back in the swing of it though I do have to remind him sometimes.

I hope if I have a son I have the good sense not to spoil them —though I expect I will—

Strike through fail...

When my DH starts listing his achievements (or commentating the contents of the shopping bag as he packs them away) I go over and pretend to look for a good spot on his lapel to pin his imaginary merit badge. Sometimes, like when he needed a pat on the head for buying milk (for his own coffees), I pretended to heave a sash full of heavy medals over his stoopid head.

I do it wherever we are, regardless of who is watching. Family bbq, at the shops, at his work (memorably, once). Looking forward to the day the message will sink in...

I realised early on that the only way to beat him was to join him. Now, I announce each piece of housework, and wait for my praise. It feels pretty good.

I showed my DH this link and it took a while for it to sink in that it was satire...

www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/praise-for-casserole-enters-third-exhausting-day-2014022183883

Now if he starts to martyr himself for doing something totally mundane he'll realise what he's saying and use the phrase "its the third exhaaaaausting daaaaaay."

I’m not sure that it is ‘light-hearted’ it sounds depressing.

This brings me back to when (I was married) I had four children under six and the laundry basket and spare room bed were a constant conveyor belt of onesies and tracksuits. Exh was huffing around one Sunday night wondering out loud where all his shirts and pants and socks were. I unleashed a magnificent tirade. The following Saturday he gathered all his things and I thought ‘well, that worked!’ Only he got in the car and went to the dry cleaners (yes, dry - ) with ONLY HIS STUFF admittedly reducing the laundry load but ignoring the actual problem. I might have wept silently (his adoring girlfriend does them now and Robin-starches his shirts for him.)

Why don’t you just turn around and say, do you want your mother to sick your cock.
If the answer is yes LTB
if the answer is no. I think he might get the point... hopefully

suck ffs

My DH is a slacker too. He’s pretty good at playing the game and pretends he doesn’t see things need doing like I do, but if I just ask him he’ll do it.
I like to remind him since he owns half the house and half of everything in it, he needs to do half the work. Works most of the time, at least for a week or two.

What annoys me is when he slips up. He says we will manage the jobs we both hate together and then adds a "you can." mid conversation.

Latest was, "I think we should get rid of the gardener." Blah blah, we can do it ourselves now DD is older and my hayfever isn't so bad. I hate paying so much for it. To parahrase him. I agree enthusiastically and exclain we can work as a team. Then he adds. "You should be able to manage the mowing in the daytime now."
"No I bloody can't and if you want to stop the gardener you will have to help." Was my reply. He has 'hayfever'. The debilitating type that keeps him indoors when anything needs doing.

He hates the gardener, I got him due to DH's laziness in leaving the garden to me when I had a baby/toddler with additional needs. This thread has brought back a repressed memory of mowing front and back 10 weeks pp. Ugh. I did the garden reluctantly before DD.

My dp tried this once.

I told him that in this house you don’t get congratulated for doing the shit you’re supposed to do and I thought it was ridiculous that a man in his forties would look for congratulations on something like that.

Never looked for it again and he’s still marrying me