To think this “hilarious” card is actually depressing?

[Decanter]

lovelayladesigns.co.uk/Cards/Anniversary_Cards/up-the-bum.html

I have 2 DDs and hate how this kind of crap is being normalised. Fucking hilarious Layla

And as I questioned earlier, you do realise that having anal sex with an inanimate object (or a finger) is quite different to having anal sex with a penis attached to a man?

they can crack on

No pun intended

I've told people they can crack on with it several times now, and alluded to the pun the first time

Re-iterating it for the hard of understanding at the back: anyone judging you for enjoying anal sex isn't worth getting het up about. It's none of their business, and they're wrong, so who cares what they think?

It would be great if the understanding could go both ways.

Likewise, you are completely ignoring and dismissing the lived experiences of those people having, arguably, the most problematic variety of anal sex: straight women.

There is a tiny minority of people on this thread being weirdly judgemental about anal sex, but you are lumping everyone who disagrees with you with them. Why? what does this achieve for you?

Once again - anyone judging you for enjoying anal sex isn't worth getting het up about. It's none of their business, and they're wrong, so who cares what they think?

I think she's just being goady tbh. Not engaging with anyone responding to her and lying about being bullied.

I agree, at this point.

I read the earlier posts wondering if she (sorry to talk in third person) was being disingenuous, or deliberately obtuse.

All then became clear.

Talking about another poster "I think she's just being goady" does sound a bit like it might be said in the playground.

Play the ball not the poster.

This whole thread has had more than a whiff of bullying on both sides.

The word bullying is overused these days.

Sorry mousse but she wasn't engaging with me when I tried, too busy making wild claims of homophobia (when the context was clearly about hetero dynamics) and being personally bullied so I'm ignoring also.
Bullying is soul destroying. I hate to see the term misused.
Oh and 'goady' is purely a MN thing I've never seen it used in real life!

It would have been helpful to have come out much earlier. A gay woman discussing heterosexual sex is never going to understand where other women are coming from. If you never engage with men sexually or emotionally you'd have no clue how much coercion can be involved. It didn't stop her from making wild assertions about it though.

She also accused women of having terrible sex.

Yes, I have had some fairly terrible sex with men in the past. Men who've wanted anal sex, and I've tried because they wanted to, not because I did. At all. But it didn't work for me, so I had to say no.

I no longer have terrible sex because anal is off the table, so to speak, DH doesn't care, and there are plenty of other things we can do.

But yeah - carry on being derogatory to straight women who are having terrible sex with men, because you have no idea.

Karyatide - have you ever watched any straight porn? Have you seen how the men go about anal sex, out of interest?

If you all hate bullying so much why don't we stop talking about 'her' and what 'she' did.

As has been said several times on the thread a significant amount of women engage in and enjoy anal sex.

However, anal sex can be problematic but that is a feature of wider misogynistic society and not the act itself. As I have said before if we obsess about an individual act the act becomes the focus and not the context.

The context is everything consent, open sexuality, a willingness to discuss desires and expectations. All these are the context within that framework the acts are negotiable and up to the individuals.

Yes, the "terrible sex with terrible men" was particularly annoying. If we'd known she was gay at that point it wouldn't have been nearly so inflammatory.

When we first met we discussed what was and wasn't on the table. I was quite clear that anything that involved pain was out and that obviously ruled out a number of things, including anal.

@Moussemoose - I apologised for saying 'she' / using the third person, the very first time I said it? I am not going to use a person's name repeatedly in a single post, when that is not the normal convention of conversation.

Why are you pulling people up on that, and not the fact that Karyatide (first person) is just ignoring what everyone is asking, and the issue at hand?

As has been said several times on the thread a significant amount of women engage in and enjoy anal sex.

And oh my goodness, seriously, we know.

They can get on with it. Knock themselves out. This thread really isn't about the women who do it and enjoy it, and actively want it. Life's all good for them - nothing to see here.

The discussion is around the many women (and probably not insignificant number of gay men) who don't want to do it, and the culture that surrounds that.

Sorry (again), mousse. I didn't realise referring to PP's posts could be seen by some as bullying.

I'm pulling people up because I work with teenagers and the tone and faux innocence when referencing bullying is strangely familiar.

I made the statement "As has been said several times on the thread a significant amount of women engage in and enjoy anal sex." To try to bring the focus of the thread back to the matter under discussion rather than defending, justifying and discussing what 'she' has said!

You point out that some people don't want to 'do it', but people don't want to engage in a variety of sex acts. They may be happy with anal but not oral.

My point is the issue is the consent and the context not the act. Focusing on the act in question limits the discussion.

Th discussion needs to all about the culture that surrounds all sex and not a specific act.

The issue that started this thread is anal sex which it appears current culture pressures women to do when they'd rather not.

Yes that is the issue that started the thread and the point I am making is that I don't feel focusing on one issue is really beneficial.

So looking at the focus of the thread - anal sex - I am now making a wider point that focusing on one act is not helpful and limits the the discussion.

And as we have said many times the discussion of anal sex does not just relate to 'women' being forced * "to do when they'd rather not*" but to some women and some men as well, because some women (and some men) engage happily in anal sex. A point I have been assured everyone accepts.

I am now banging my head on the table.

The entire thread is precisely about the act. Maybe make another thread about what you would like to discuss mousse?

I'm pulling people up because I work with teenagers and the tone and faux innocence when referencing bullying is strangely familiar.

And unlike most teenagers, I acknowledged that it was rude to refer to someone in the third person, and said so - at the time. No faux innocence, so why pick on that particular aspect as an example of 'bullying'?

I wasn't bullying, and you know it. I have defended the act, and defended those who enjoy it all along.

I don't see that others were bullying, either.

They're frustrated with the approach of one poster who, to a certain extent, has misled people and brushed aside their valid concerns.

They're entitled to say as much, as long as it doesn't descend into personal insults.