To think this “hilarious” card is actually depressing?

[Decanter]

lovelayladesigns.co.uk/Cards/Anniversary_Cards/up-the-bum.html

I have 2 DDs and hate how this kind of crap is being normalised. Fucking hilarious Layla

Jesus this is
Awful

Most sexual acts can be either pleasurable or harmful depending on context and care. I think focusing on the harm caused by anal sex can overlook the harm being caused by 'normal' sex.

I don't disagree with this at all, and certainly see and accept your point.

But I maintain that its disingenuous to try to say that anal sex is just like any other sex act, when we all know that conditions have to be absolutely just so before you can even attempt it, and that many people can't do it, no matter what. It is different, and that is surely part of the appeal for people.

I also think it's something very, very few straight men ever have to worry about - it's rarely them on the receiving end, and even if they are, it's unlikely to be someone physically bigger than them, coercing them to do it.

if it's done properly

how the hell do boys learn to "do it properly" without first just treating it as PIV sex.

And it is ridiculous to equate the likelihood and consequences for the female of it not "being done properly" of PIV with PIA.

I'm all for people enjoying whatever with consent etc. etc. but that sort of assertion really undermines your argument.

I think the issue is that a lot of men don’t care if they do it ‘properly’ I have only ever done it with my DP who respected me and made sure I was comfortable. I’ve been asked before and always had no issue saying no.
Lots of boys don’t know how to do anything right, I mean when I was younger, I’m sure a few lads didn’t even know what a clit was and expected me to cum by finger blasting me to death.
There’s a huge difference between doing it up the bum with someone who respects you and someone who doesnt, just like any kind of sexual activity.

It is not ridiculous to suggest PiV sex if not done properly causes damage, it absolutely does.

The consequences of PiV if done carelessly can be childbirth which can lead to a multitude of health issues up to and including death.

The issue is education and consent for all sex acts.

All sex can cause physical and emotional issues if not 'done properly' if you single out one act then the rest become acceptable.

As is pointed out in isnothingsacred's post 'anal is the new oral' if we focus on the act then the goal posts will move to another act which shocks and horrifies people.

The focus should be on consent and education for any and all sex acts.

It is ridiculous to put PIV and PIA on the same level here and that is medical fact and you can do the googling of that yourself.

Citing childbirth as a consequence of not doing PIV properly is utterly, utterly stupid.

'anal is the new oral'

Your mouth is meant to have things go in it, your arsehole isn't.

Has anyone pointed out as well that the card may we’ll be referring to a finger up the mans bum? Rather than anal sex.

Men effectively have a ‘G spot’ in their anus, lots of heterosexual men enjoy a finger up the bum during climax.

Is that unatural and dangerous too?

I cited death as a result of PiV being done 'carelessly' and I stand by that statement. To deny it would suggest you don't realise the childbirth is still dangerous. You might want to educate yourself.

Oral sex performed as it is in misogynistic pornography can cause all sorts of damage.

The issue is the violence not the act.

In relation to the dangers of anal sex - I don't need to google KathDayKnight50's post below describes how there are a lot of myths that surround anal sex. It's interesting you might want to read it.

I've read that post. You are only listening to what you want to hear. Pointless.

And your response to my point about careless PiV sex? As you don't only listen to what you want to hear I'm sure you will address it fully.

I hear what posters say about the dangers of anal sex and the context of a misogynist society. I just feel we will find another horror in a few years and some other act will become the new anal.

And while we fixate on the act the violence continues.

The wider context of lack of education and societal pressure is more disturbing than the act. An act a lot of reasonable people enjoy.

Some men do bully and coerce women to participate in sexual acts. Are you seriously denying that's the case, karyatid? Pretending that's not the case is doing young women a great disservice, they need to be very clear that happens and they have the right to say no. And to rise above the accusations of prudery or frigidity those men mat throw at them in retaliation for having their power taken away.

Of course women have an absolute right to sexual pleasure ON THEIR OWN TERMS. That means doing only those things they're comfortable with, not those things from which they instinctively recoil.

That this should need to be spelt out in 2018 defies belief.

This discussion has been interesting and has really made me think. I am ashamed to say I had no idea how much hassle girls these days got about this. I didn't know it was so prevalent. I have had about 6 sexual partners in my time, but this was never requested of me or ever discussed.

@sunnyhazyday

Anal is actually never 'No harm done.

As a mature student on a college course with a load of 18 to 20yos I had to sit in on a sexual health chat from a nurse normally based at a GUM clinic.

Apparently the normality of anal sex has led to an explosion in young people (esp women) mainly in their 20s suffering with feacal incontinence and other rectal muscle issues.

No matter how gentle or lubricated ...in the nurses own words... your anus is an exit and not an entrance. Basically every time you "gently" force something the other way the damage is being done!!!

Twas quite shocked by this part of the talk tbh. I just assumed being anal is considered so main stream these days everyone was happily lubricating and enjoying it with no problem at all. It seems i was wrong!!

Thanks Sunny. Good to hear advice and information from someone who actually knows what they're talking about, and not someone who is making stuff up, and posting ludicrous, and frankly dangerous guff, that they are presenting as 'fact.'

What a classic MN thread. Brought down as usual by low levels of reading comprehension.

At the risk of sounding like an arse licker I agree with TheDowager.

Having said that, I did find some of the other cards on in that site very funny so thanks for the link OP.

On first glance I assume that the card is from the woman to the man and she's giving him permission for anal?

I think it could be to/from either partner. Also hetero/gay/lesbian too.

I did read your post, karyarid, you don't seem to have read mine though.

Gives whole new meaning to deck quoits

I have sat and listened to many talks given to teenagers by sexual health professionals and they have always been neutral about the damage done by anal sex. The message has been as long as you prepare properly it is ok.

I think karyatide is suggesting sex is presented as something done to women by men. It is not an equal partnership and women and girls aren't encouraged to state (demand?) what they want sexually. Women need to able to voice their sexual desires without shame.

Some women want and enjoy anal sex. And that's ok.

Women need to able to voice their sexual desires without shame.

And this nice, positive statement is completely negated by the last sentence in your first para.

Surely the message should be, 'as long as it's something you want to do - and [of secondary importance] if you (both) prepare properly, it should be ok'.

Because the statement the way you frame it is negligent, and certainly doesn't encourage young people to 'voice their sexual desires', as you say.

Perhaps you think the 'as long as you want to do it' bit goes without saying - but it clearly does not. It needs to be explicit - this is what we need to be telling all young people, loud and clear, repeatedly, boys and girls.

It's not good enough to hope the message gets through implicitly.

If I, as a teenager, heard an adult in a position of authority simply saying, 'as long as you prepare properly', I'd be taking it as, this is something I should do / I should feel able to do / I should be willing to do. I wouldn't feel good about that at all.

Some women want and enjoy anal sex. And that's ok.

Not one reasonable person on this thread is arguing otherwise. But you are missing out a whole part of this equation.

Some women don't want, and don't enjoy it. And that's also ok.

@TheDowagerCuntess I'm sorry I'm tired - you seem to have taken exception to a sentence I typed at the end of a busy day and read all sorts of things in to it.

I feel calling "The message has been as long as you prepare properly it is ok" negligent is a bit harsh. Yes the statement probably needed a caveat but the tone of the rest of the post should have implied it. The 'as long as consent is given' bit is something that I have stated very, very clearly in several previous posts. If we have to clarify every statement in every post allowing no reference to previous posts then we will end up with tedious and repetitious threads.

Also I feel "The message has been as long as you prepare properly it is ok" implies that people should is very worrying. All sex Ed lessons are framed in terms of 'only if you want to'. I've never been in a lesson where this hasn't been made explicitly and implicitly clear. We don't tell anyone what they should do and I don't feel the students are taking the information that way. I'll ask this year and see what response we get.

Most of the factual education is neutral through. No moral judgements are made on any of the acts. They are presented in a this is what you can do, these are the pros and cons, this is how you do it. All if you both consent freely.

Not one 'reasonable person' has argued against anal sex - true - but it isn't the reasonable posters like you I'm trying to convince.

My total inability to use bold properly also denotes how tired I am.....

Some women may enjoy anal, but I think you ladies are in the minority.
The general expectation is that its not enjoyable for the woman, its somthing that she submits to for her partners pleasure.

I've heard men say part of the reason they like/push for it is because they know the woman won't like it and/or be hurt. That's part of the turn on. That she's submitting to him and putting herself through something she doesn't like for him.

It's for that reason I can't ever see it as a healthy, positive sex act that should be normalised for the majority. Especially seeing as the majority of women don't enjoy it.

Let's face it, its not women asking men to do it caz it's so enjoyable. It's men pressuring women. And how many women and girls are actually pleased that anal has been normalised to a degree that men feel they can ask for it on one night stands, or pressure girls into it, or even just expect it as an occasional treat. I know I'm grateful that I was young before it was on the table for the majority, and I'm grateful my dh isn't interested in it.

And saying you just need to prepare, take it slow ect, insinuates that we should all be doing it and enjoying it, we're just not doing it right. Which to me just sounds like more pressure to do it.