To think this “hilarious” card is actually depressing?

[Decanter]

lovelayladesigns.co.uk/Cards/Anniversary_Cards/up-the-bum.html

I have 2 DDs and hate how this kind of crap is being normalised. Fucking hilarious Layla

Thanks dazzling - we're 500+ posts in, and that's been pointed out a few times now.

Never heard of that phrase before this thread

@Moussemoose

What I am saying is, if you really, really need it spelt out, that regular anal sex may 'relax' the spinchter and make a medical procedure unnecessary.

What in the name of HELL are you going on about, and what is a SPINCHTER?! Isn't that a woman who has never been married?

So YOU are saying that those who have a tiny arsehole, (so small that they can't evacuate their bowel,) would benefit from having anal sex to widen the anus.

I mean, what the actual fucking fuck?! 😂😂

First of all, NO-ONE has an arsehole so small that they can't get their poo out, and secondly, POO is what you are talking my dear!

@Moussemoose

And yes I do know what I am talking about and no I won't tell you the details.

Errrm, no you really DON'T. So we don't really NEED you to tell us the 'details!'

I think you anal-sex fangirls have been derailed by my suggestion that if anal sex doesn't hurt you, then your man must have a small willy. I've snookered you all haven't I?'

Never mind.

@thisneverendingsummer just because you've never heard of something doesn't mean it doesn't exist or isn't common.

If you really want to know google 'anal dilatation' it is good for 'your comfort and your pleasure'. Also, available on the NHS.

I have not made any comment about my personal preferences I have spoken entirely theoretically - so your speculation about the penis size of my partner (or partners) is irreverent, intrusive and ill informed.

Enjoy your internet research - you might learn something new.

Please please PLEASE STOP! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@Moussemoose

You can go on about anal dilation being a thing, but to say the way to fix it is to have anal sex (ie, an erect penis shoved up it,) is painfully bad advice, dangerous, and ill-informed.

@thisneverendingsummer well it's a good job I didn't say the way to fix it is to have anal sex.

I suggested that like PiV sex, anal sex has advantages and disadvantages. Anal say "may" if done correctly help with anal relaxation. Clearly, this would not be advised without medical advice.

Anal sex can be damaging. PiV sex can be damaging. Both can be pleasurable and enjoyable. Neither should ever involve any form of coercion.

Rather than frothing at the mouth you need to take a measured approach. Lots of people regularly enjoy anal sex with no long term ill effects. Some people find sex does cause medical complications both PiV and anal.

Take care with each other and make sure sex is safe, sane and consensual.

Moussemoose Anal say "may" if done correctly help with anal relaxation. Clearly, this would not be advised without medical advice.

Are you saying that in some circumstances medical advice might be to have anal sex for ?? not sure what reason?? To help with "relaxation"? ? Well I suppose it's one way of curing constipation if that is what you mean by an anus in need of relaxation. But it's certainly not medical advice I've ever heard of.
I'll stick with a bowl of lentils and a dose of senna when my anus needs help with relaxing thank you.
But on the whole I think I'd prefer that my anus doesn't relax. I have yet to be persuaded of the advantage of a relaxed anus.

It's only a card.

Don't think myself there are any undertones??

It's like that other website holy flaps is it not?

Doesn't offend me I'd prob buy it for a friend who doesn't find anal sex something they'd like to try as a joke.

But my friends and I take the piss about anything and everything.

OTOH, I've just remembered that anal massage is recommended for very bad cases of hiccups.

www.annemergmed.com/article/S0196-0644(88)80594-8/pdf

Winner of the 2006 Ig Nobel
www.newscientist.com/article/dn10207-ig-nobel-prizes-hail-digital-rectal-massage/

Anal sex "may" if done correctly help with anal relaxation.

I just ... ... can't quite fathom where you're going with this.

You did say that anal sex might make a medical procedure unnecessary.

Again - if your arsehole is so small that you can't even use it for shitting, your priority is not going to be sticking a cock up it, it really isn't.

I can just see a doctor saying, 'look, sorry you're unable to evacuate your bowel, it must be pretty uncomfortable. Have you considered taking it up the arse? I assume, of course, that you have access to a penis that's up to the task??'

😂

Dowager

The thread has completely degenerated, and I'm not helping matters, sorry.

But some of the posts to this thread are way funnier than the card in the OP!

Well yes doctors phrase it slightly differently to "you need to take it up the arse" but there are medical errrr devices which are in effect butt plugs. If you have a 'tight arse' they can be used regularly to stretch and relax the anus. Thereby alleviating the pressure that causes anal fissures.

It's better than a 'lateral sphincterotomy'.

From what I can gather they are not very popular in the U.K.

Anyway, if you approach anal sex carefully it may make this medical procedure unnecessary but obviously you would need to be very careful and discuss it with your medical advisor. Most British people would be way to embarrassed to even consider this.

Caveat - like any kind of sexual activity you need to be careful and it needs to be fully consensual.

Fuck off Daily Mail - just in case they want to print THIS thread.........

viz.co.uk/category/up-the-arse-corner/

Viz Magazine devoted a corner of their mag for just this sort of activity

.

What in the name of HELL are you going on about, and what is a SPINCHTER?! Isn't that a woman who has never been married?

It's an unmarried woman who has never taken it up the poop chute

Rather than frothing at the mouth...

Are we on to oral sex now?

Kath
I'm getting so many laughs on this thread.

Iused2BanOptimist

I know! Great way to start the week.

Oral sex makes one's day, but anal sex makes one's hole weak.

Seriously though, I'm guessing Mousse is in another country and unfamiliar with the workings of the Nhs. A country where private Dr's are a law unto themselves. If I am understanding correctly they may give advice to use anal dilators to loosen things up a bit so you are able to take a penis.
Hey ho. Keep the men happy. That's what matters.
They can fuck right off with that one.