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Original poster

To think this “hilarious” card is actually depressing?

698 replies

Decanter · 05/10/2018 00:55

lovelayladesigns.co.uk/Cards/Anniversary_Cards/up-the-bum.html

I have 2 DDs and hate how this kind of crap is being normalised. Fucking hilarious Layla Hmm

OP posts:
missmoz · 05/10/2018 16:17

roundaboutthetown - Think we've got away from the point, ok so no sex is completely risk free, the risk of stis from anal sex could be more risky due to tears in condoms,..so what do you do, ban it? Discourage it? Ban jokey references to it on cards? No... you teach safe(r) sex...

PlinkPlink · 05/10/2018 16:28

@Jenala

This thread is hilarious. The amount of women out there who basically seem to think: "I don't like this sex act. Therefore no one should and any woman engaging in it is being pressured by the man/influenced by porn".

Yes, this!! I'm actually laughing at how mad this thread has gone.

It's fair enough if you don't like anal but it's not wrong for everyone else because of that. I personally do.

If It hurts, you're doing it wrong. It takes time and lube... So much lube. And the right position. If you're tearing, that's also wrong.

Um also... AIDS because of tears? Who on earth told you that?! What about people who contract HIV/AIDS through vaginal sex?! It's transmitted because there is a fine lining in the anus and vagina that means it's easy for the virus to pass into the bloodstream. Not because you're damaging someone so much that they're tearing from the inside.

Anal is not the demon here.

Incidentally, that card is not personally funny to me. I certainly wouldn't buy it.

Jenala · 05/10/2018 16:30

Half of these anti anal posts are basically saying that boys and men are telling girls and women things are ok, so they are doing them and getting hurt.

I am sick sick sick of this constant "women are victims" narrative. We can be but it's not our default fucking operating mode.

Honestly, constantly talking about how being told something is going to make women do it regardless of their own wellbeing is what's pushing girls into victimhood. Giving teen girls the message that you can't be expected to have any agency or control over what happens to you because Patriachy is creating loads of teen girls whose understanding of womanhood is that you are victim and even worse an entirely defenceless one at that.

It is the other side of the old "women are all hysterical" coin. A girls sees a novelty card and that means when her horrible patriachial boyfriend (as all boys are rapists in waiting and don't ever want their partner to enjoy sex) suggests anal she literally has no choice but to do it to the point of injury. Presumably because she is just a female and therefore her pretty little head can't make considered choices. It's the opposite of empowering.

Bobbybear10 · 05/10/2018 16:41

“In what world is anal normal? I've never met any woman who says she likes it.”

Well now you’ve met one (albeit online) I enjoy anal sex. I’ve never been forced to try it, in-fact I suggested it myself.

I think anal is perfectly normal in some relationships just like dressing up, role play even bdsm is normal in others.

I don’t think it’s a very nice card but it’s not my humour I suppose. I wouldn’t buy it or want to receive it.
I can see why someone with that type of humour may find it funny.

I don’t think it’s normalising rape at all!

This thread smacks of ‘if I don’t like it or do it then it’s wrong and immoral for others to do it’

CuriousaboutSamphire · 05/10/2018 16:43

But... it is a site that ONLY sells rude 'cheeky' crap!

Why look at any of it if it isn't to your taste?

It is fairly upfront about what it is selling and, as a family business, I would guess that they all think they are hilarious and just egg each other on to find ever more silliness.

Not my cup of tea, but hey ho!

Gottagetmoving · 05/10/2018 16:54

What is being normalised? Anal sex? Is it pretty normal

May be normal to you but it's not to me and no doubt lots of other women.
It may be common, but 'normal' No, it's not.
I have had friends who tolerate it because their partners like it but they hate it. I feel really sorry for young girls who are told its normal and feel there is something wrong with them because they hate it.

DistanceCall · 05/10/2018 16:55

@Jenala, completely agree.

If girls are being "coerced" into having anal sex when they don't want it, the problem is not anal sex. The problem is why these girls have not been brought up to have the self-assuredness to say "Fuck off" when someone wants to pressure them into doing something they don't want to do.

If women don't want to be victims, we should stop behaving as such.

roundaboutthetown · 05/10/2018 16:56

missmoz - no, of course not to banning it. Yes, absolutely to far better sex education - the whole community is put at risk by ignorance, which is why it annoys me slightly when people talk about safe sex, and anal sex not being risky. It's a matter of assessing whether or not the risks are worth it to you for the pleasure involved or given, and knowing how to reduce the risks, not telling yourself it's risk free.

As for tasteless cards - I guess I can see the point, given the woeful ignorance of so many people (as testified by high sti rates and an increasing number of untreatable infections), that normalising something before sex education has caught up with the trend, is not good for the sexual health of the general population (particularly when sexual health is a severely underfunded part of the health service).

jane1956 · 05/10/2018 17:00

have messaged them, not impressed at all

PlinkPlink · 05/10/2018 17:04

@gottagetmoving

Um... what is normal? Please give a definition.

missmoz · 05/10/2018 17:14

roundaboutthetown...Ok but the alternative to safe (or safer) sex is literally abstinence, I think there's a reason why the medical community uses the term safe sex to refer to condoms, because used correctly the risk are very low...

sexual health is a severely underfunded part of the health service I totally agree with you about this, but again, condoms, not saying one kind of sex is intrinsically dangerous when it isn't.

So what's the difference between normal and common Gottagetmoving There's a lot of people on this thread basically arguing that the only kind of 'normal' sex is the kind they're having...

Gottagetmoving · 05/10/2018 17:32

The problem is why these girls have not been brought up to have the self-assuredness to say "Fuck off" when someone wants to pressure them into doing something they don't want to do

Even if girls are brought up to he self assured and confident, once teenage hormones kick in and peer pressure convinces them 'everyone does it' then they can lose confidence.

Gottagetmoving · 05/10/2018 17:38

So what's the difference between normal and common Gottagetmoving There's a lot of people on this thread basically arguing that the only kind of 'normal' sex is the kind they're having

It's not normal to stick anything up your arse whether people choose to do it or not.
The rectum is not there for stuff going up, only down.
If you choose to do that, then it may be 'normal' to you. Biologically, it's not.

Mandarine · 05/10/2018 17:38

Well I’m sure if you have regular anal sex then that’s normal for you, but that has no bearing on the fact that far more women than not have absolutely zero interest or need for it whatsoever. The only reason they would be doing it is if they were persuaded to give it a go, blah blah, thinking they were more enlightened or whatever.

No l, I don’t think a lot of practices popular in porn are normal. Most porn is crap - cheap budget, tacky and cringe-inducing. If it was vaguely erotic or interesting, I might watch it myself, but as it is it’s pathetic in the main. I don’t know why they bother. I have 2 daughters and I think it’s totally disingenuous to try and argue that internet porn and the ease of accessing this doesn’t influence the collective psyche. Of course it does. More than that, a lot of the content of porn, eg incest scenes, choking, forced sex / bjs are a complete insult to the millions of women eho endure this in reality every day. Nobody (thankfully) would make “entertainment” out of scene of racist abuse - quite rightly it would be banned- yet because it’s only women, it’s apparently ok. Maybe one day the industry will wake up to itself and the damage it’s doing, but for now we just have to hope our daughters (and sons) will have enough integrity and common sense to negotiate this shit. It’s not cool or enlightened, it’s boring and grim.

WeirdCatLady · 05/10/2018 18:02

I’d like to just pop back on and say, it was me who used the phrase ‘pearl clutchers’. Apparently that means I’m pro-anal and don’t understand why women wouldn’t want to do it Hmm so, just want to point out that I’ve never felt even the slightest bit inclined towards it myself, have never done it, yet I remain flabbergasted at the hysterical nature of some of the posts here Confused

PlinkPlink · 05/10/2018 18:03

By that logic then @gottagetmoving , blowjobs are abnormal as well, as mouths are biologically designed for eating and breathing?

Not normal and yet it's generally accepted as being a normal part of a sexual relationship.

roundaboutthetown · 05/10/2018 18:04

missmoz - I thought you had already agreed that stronger condoms and extra lube were necessary for safer anal sex, so no it is not any type of sex with a condom or total abstinence, is it? Different sexual acts require slightly different precautions and a condom alone is not necessarily sufficient. The vaginal orifice and the anal orifice are two different orifices in human beings for a reason and you should not assume what works for one is automatically OK for the other.

karyatide · 05/10/2018 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kaytee87 · 05/10/2018 18:06

I read the no harm done bit as no chance of pregnancy

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 05/10/2018 18:10

Why on earth did you message them?

What did you say to the company? I don't like your card?If a teenage boy sees it, he will pressure a young girl into anal?

CiderBrains · 05/10/2018 18:32

I enjoy anal sex but it's done in a loving, consensual way with a long term partner. I also understand that not everyone enjoys it.

A card like that would be humorous to my dp and I.

A lot of gay men enjoy anal sex too do to say you don't agree with it full stop (not for yourself but for others too) could be quite offensive to gay people .

Pissedoffdotcom · 05/10/2018 18:35

DP & I don't do anal, because neither of us is interested. But I am fully behind people having the right to decide what they do with their own bodies. We would also find this card amusing tbh

DistanceCall · 05/10/2018 18:38

Even if girls are brought up to be self assured and confident, once teenage hormones kick in and peer pressure convinces them 'everyone does it' then they can lose confidence.

So girls need to be protected against their own hormones? Seriously? Because that way the Taliban lie.

(And if you haven't managed to bring up a child who isn't able to stand up to peer pressure, the problem is yours, not society's).

kitkatsky · 05/10/2018 18:39

The worst thing is that Layla is their toddler aged daughter. They also have crap customer service. I ordered a card that didn't come and when I questioned it they said I'd clearly entered the wrong postcode. I hadn't btw, but they said they had proof on their systems but couldn't share because of data protection

DistanceCall · 05/10/2018 18:40

the fact that far more women than not have absolutely zero interest or need for it whatsoever.

Has anyone done a survey? And in any case, what does it matter if a minority of women enjoy it? That doesn't make it "abnormal".