To think this “hilarious” card is actually depressing?

[Decanter]

lovelayladesigns.co.uk/Cards/Anniversary_Cards/up-the-bum.html

I have 2 DDs and hate how this kind of crap is being normalised. Fucking hilarious Layla

Nerr and Distance - I could equally say to you that just because you were aware of these things, doesn’t mean they were mainstream.

Padparascha I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt here. I will state again, that I’m not offended by the card. I get that it’s intended to be humorous and taken as such by some. What I am objecting to is the casual normalising of a potentially dangerous activity that young girls are being coerced into. I’m pretty sure that’s what my previous posts have said also.

I could draw you a picture?

Lost my post.

When does a “thing” become an “expectation”?

Certainly when I was growing up it was on the table in terms of sex wise for many people. And I’m not young.

I didn't say they were mainstream. I said it was not "unheard of". It was something beneath the surface, but it was widely known.

But if you take that argument, the anal she has always been normalised because that saying has been around for 40 plus years minimum.

Yes, missmoz, because we all know that the prospect of anal sex is naturally something at the forefront of all teenage girls minds

Not really sure what your point is, most teenage girls have heard of anal sex...the thread is literally discussing how teenage girls might feel pressured into anal sex, so yeah it might be on their minds.

*sex

The fact is anal sex is already a normal part of sex for young girls.

I'm in my early 30s, I've spoken to girls only 10 ish years younger than me that told me it was normal to lose your 'bum vaginity' as a teen and in a casual relationship / one night stand. It's also normal to do on a one night stand.

That is not what it was like when I was a teen. The only girls that did it were 'dirty' girls, and/or those easily pressured. Girls engaged when older and in long term relationships.

This sort of casual joking about it is part of what is normalising it. And I don't think the teenage girls part of this culture shift are happy or thankful for it.

Oh and anal does increase the risk of transmitting hiv. That's why it never spread in the hetro community in the same way it did in the gay community.

The girls who did it of my acquaintance were the ones in long term relationships, often engaged, who didn’t want to get pregnant before marriage.

When I was growing up, it was an offence in law. It was still and offence in law when I was married, which is how I was able to prevent my husband from doing it. He had no qualms about forcing/coercing/whining his way to a vaginal entry (particularly as no-one would have considered marital rape worthy of prosecution unless significant physical damage was done) , but he didn't want to find himself in court, named and shamed for forcing anal.
I wish women today had the law to protect them.
Just because anal has been known forever, doesn't make it a good idea.

He had no qualms about forcing/coercing/whining his way to a vaginal entry (particularly as no-one would have considered marital rape worthy of prosecution unless significant physical damage was done) , but he didn't want to find himself in court, named and shamed for forcing anal

I am sorry this happened to you.

However, if your husband needs laws to be passed to stop him abusing you, there is a real issue there.

I will state again, that I’m not offended by the card. I get that it’s intended to be humorous and taken as such by some. What I am objecting to is the casual normalising of a potentially dangerous activity that young girls are being coerced into

Then why link the card at all? How does that card (that you say isn’t offensive), link with teenage sex?

How many teenaged girls get anniversary cards?

Well it’s not particularly funny but I couldn’t get offended by it. I’ve heard the phrase before and it means you don’t risk pregnancy as far as I’m aware? Of all the pressures girls have I can’t imagine a message on a card being up there as something particularly influential.

MaryandMichael your situation sounded horrific. But today rape - which is what your husband did - is illegal in & out of marriage. Sadly that doesn't stop people doing it. A law against anal sex won't necessarily stop two consenting adults.

And again...as been said a gazillion times...there is a difference between consensual & forced/coerced sex of any kind!!!! The issue should not be focused on the type of sex a person is into as long as it is consensual

Can't quite figure out the context in which one would send this...
Is it an apology? A statement of intent? written by a robot that will rhyme anything randomly...? Ahhh, maybe a specsavers ad, the one they rejected!www.mumsnet.com/emo/te/9.gif.pagespeed.ce.TUei7x3YMQ.gif

That's gross.

I think it means no pregnancy but in our age of awareness of STI s etc it's a crap message!

From all the women I've known, anal is normal to 50% of them and these are women in 30s/40s.

I'm 100% sure aids in some countries was spread as people were eating monkeys who carried the HIV Virus or a strain it's a certain strand which when eaten or whatever the virus transferred over to humans and became HIV, and it was then spread via later on by bodily fluids. Quite interesting really.

I think a general "me and the people I know do/like this therefore this is what's normal" attitude isn't helpful from both sides.

Oh and anal does increase the risk of transmitting hiv. That's why it never spread in the hetro community in the same way it did in the gay community.

Well isn't it more the case that before there was available knowledge about stis straight couples were using condoms to prevent pregnancy whilst gay couples weren't...therefore stis were spread more readily from unprotected gay anal sex.

Consensual protected anal sex isn't more dangerous or harmful than vaginal or oral sex.

missmoz - except you need more artificial lubrication and probably slightly more robust condoms before you can say it is not more risky from an sti and physical harm perspective than vaginal or oral sex. Given the fact that condom failure is far higher in the community than it is when tested in the laboratory, I would say that the extra effort required to make anal sex reasonably safe compared to the effort required for vaginal sex (which is still too much effort for some) increases the number of accidents relating to anal sex that put people at risk of health consequences.

UGH how tasteless

roundaboutthetown I mean all sex is risky if a condom rips, but yes I see your point. Fact is a lot of people have safe anal sex in committed and casual relationships, just like some people have risky or painful anal sex.

Teach safe sex, teach consensual sex, teach enjoyable sex (obviously) but I think there's quite a bit of scaremongering about anal sex on this thread which basically comes down to personal preference.

missmoz - I think you are confusing risk and risk reduction strategies. All sex carries risks, and the sti transmission risks of anal sex are greater than for other types of sex. There are several things you can do to reduce the risks - but you should always bear in mind that you can never remove risk altogether (on which note, it is misleading to talk about "safe sex" rather than "safer sex" as some people do genuinely and erroneously seem to believe that they have removed all risks by using condoms, which is not actually true, even if the condoms don't split).