AIBU in Saying Cancer isn't a Battle That You Win or Lose

[NicePieceOfPlaid]

I heard this morning that the mother of a young friend died over night. She'd had cancer for a while but had not responded to treatment.

Friend has posted a brief message on facebook to let friends know. Among the first messages is one saying that the person is sorry she lost her battle. Cancer isn't a fight or a battle. You can't buy a gun and shoot it.

Sometimes the treatment works and sometimes it doesn't. I had cancer and so far the treatment has worked for me. If it comes back I'm not going to blame myself for not fighting hard enough.

It's down to luck. If you die from cancer it wasn't because you were too weak to fight it. It really gives me the rage when it's talked of as a battle. I no longer give to charities who address it in that way.

Why make terminally ill people feel even worse by implying they haven't fought hard enough?

@MaryPoppinsPenguins Yours are the worst posts I've seen on this thread.

You come across as being completely dismissive of the opinions of those who actually have cancer, and that the cancer charities can say anything they like in their campaigns while being above reproach.

Just because they are raising money for research, it doesn't mean they are above criticism. It doesn't take that much effort to be aware of the language used and it won't take oodles of money to be considerate to cancer patients as you implied in one post.

user I'm very sorry for what you and your family are going through if the fight analogy helps him then that's great. But the OP, and subsequent posts, clearly aren't "bullshit". Many people, also with "actual cancer", don't like it and our opinions are just as valid as your husband's.

TheWormThatTurned

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo spot on.

My son died from cancer aged 18. He fought it every single day. Because it was a fight for him. He battled with disability, vomiting, kidney failure, hope, dear, pain, infections, operations, transfusions. It WAS a battle for him EVERY SINGLE SECOND of 27 months from diagnosis to death.

The only time he did not battle was probably only the last few moments before his death.

He lost his fight. Not because he was weak, or didn't try hard enough. But because the cancer was stronger.

We call it a fight. He called it a fight.

Those going through it can call it what the fuck they like.

Those going through it can call it what the fuck they like

This! And the rest of us ought to respect that.

Multicolourmophead - I don’t think they’re above reproach, I just disagree with the OP. Since when was a difference of opinion such a crime??

Many Many people with cancer do like what that phrase means. I’m pretty sure they did market research... also, I came to this thread to correct some misinformation about Stand Up To Cancer. But honestly, I’m honoured you felt the need to call me out on my difference of opinion.

I'm really disappointed at the turn this thread has taken. As for saying I'm offensive for posting in the first place - well fuck you. You didn't have to reply. You didn't have to be rude to me. But you chose to.

Says a lot about what you are, user, and it isn't nice. Keep your venom to yourself. I'm not coming back to read any more of your poison.

Those going through it can call it what the fuck they like

Absolutely. I think (almost) everyone agrees with that.

But honestly, I’m honoured you felt the need to call me out on my difference of opinion.

I'm not bothered about a difference of opinion, we all have our own opinions. I am bothered that your posts definitely gave me ( and others by the looks of it) the very strong impression that you are dismissive of the opinions of the actual cancer sufferers here.

I’ve just RTFT start to finish instead of each post as it catches up.

I’ve also reported you MaryPoppins, it’s even worse read in full.

In the last 20 years survival rates have doubled, by 2034 they will again.

As they have for a whole heap of other previously terminal conditions. And as they could for a whole heap of others if more money was put into research. We don’t “stand up to” multiple sclerosis or dementia or cystic fibrosis. Neither do we raise nearly enough money to fund research for them, or to fund research into premature birth or to pre-eclampsia.

Instead what we see is big charities using large marketing budgets to come up with “brave the shave” and “stand up to cancer” which many people living with cancer really don’t feel is appropriate.

I think I’m reading a different thread to you then. I haven’t said anything bad... I care a great deal about cancer sufferers, it’s something I deal with every day.

Yabbers - it’s true there’s a finite amount of money given to charity. In an ideal world there would be endless research money. But the reason survival has doubled is due to research. And that’s amazing. (I also hate brave the shave!)

I care a great deal about cancer sufferers

I think you genuinely believe that, which leads me to hope that your role means you are absolutely nowhere near dealing personally with anyone who has cancer.

it’s something I deal with every day

I think you’ll find it’s something you deal with at work, it’s the people who actually have cancer that you’re so keen to dismiss and belittle that actually deal with it every day.

Where exactly have I dismissed people with cancer? I honestly have no idea what your issue is.

Also, you have no idea of my life, so don’t presume anything. Cancer affects 1 in 2... it’s probably pretty likely cancer has affected someone in my immigrate family wouldn’t you say?

Where exactly have I dismissed people with cancer?

With every post you’ve written.

I honestly have no idea what your issue is

I know, and you never will. That would require some humility and self awareness.

Immediate*

Also, you have no idea of my life, so don’t presume anything

Jesus wept you’re serious aren’t you. You have the gall to accuse me of being presumptuous?

Cancer affects 1 in 2... it’s probably pretty likely cancer has affected someone in my immigrate family wouldn’t you say?

What part of nothing gives you the right to tell someone who has cancer that your opinion is more valid or important than theirs are you struggling with?

I think you have some serious issues if you feel the need to attack a stranger who thinks differently to you. You continue to personally attack me and I’m just going to ignore you from now on.

Hurrah. Could you extend that to not bullying people with cancer sharing their experiences and feelings? That would be just lovely.

I’ve also read every post and I don’t see anywhere where I’ve dismissed cancer sufferers. I think you’re reading something that really isn’t there. I have no idea why you feel the need to continually attack me but there really is no need. I, like many others, feel that the ad campaign serves its purpose and raises vital money. Others are entitled to their own opinion. That’s life, and there will always be people who disagree with you.

YeTalkShiteHen, I say this with good intentions, and not to be in any way goady, but reading the last few exchanges between yourself and MaryPoppinsPenguins is now quite uncomfortable. I’ve also read the whole thread, and whilst I don’t agree with MaryPoppins’ opinion, I also don’t feel she deserves some of the reaction she’s received. This is an emotive subject, and emotions will be heightened, it might be an idea to ignore each other, it’s slightly derailed the thread.

Ski4130 I am, it’s why I haven’t responded. I got sucked in and shouldn’t have, so I left it.

Apologies (again) for the derail OP.