To think I can attend a work do 3 weeks after baby is born?

[CarlottiJames]

We have a work do organised for 5 ish weeks after my due date. If baby comes late, that 5 turns in to 3. I've paid £60 for this event as has everyone else. It was booked well in advance before I even knew I was pregnant.

I desperately want to go, even if it's just for food for a couple of hours. I haven't had a baby before and don't know whether this is a naive thought? I could get my dad or mum to take baby out (it's a daytime thing) and she would be round the corner, but will be breastfeeding so not sure how I would work this out...

Any ideas? I'm fretting. It sounds silly because it's only a work do but it cost a lot of money and it's also important for me to keep in touch with the team etc.

AIBU to think this is doable? Am I worrying over nothing?

@CarlottiJames blimey, you must live in a busy area. It might be worth joining a breastfeeding forum (not sure if this exists) to ask any questions that you might have. Is there a breastfeeding group nearby that you can go to?

My breastfed DS feeds approx every 2 hours during the day (can be much less, will sometimes go 4 hours) and pretty much wants to be held all the time. I went out without him for the first time yesterday and that was just a 20 minute trip to the village shop. DH is amazing with him but DS is still very much reliant on me at this stage and I don’t think I would be able to go out and leave him for more than an hour. DH is going to look after him in the bar whilst I pop into the gym for a bit this afternoon and it feels like a big deal!

However we’ve been out and about since a few days after he was born (EMCS) and he’s already been to a baby group, the pub, lots of walks, running events (DH, not me!), shops, cafes etc. so I’d be more than happy to take him to an event if it was appropriate.

@catx1606 I got on to a birth class but that isn't until I'm 39 weeks (the only one they had) and bf was all booked up. They told me to contact NCT but I can't afford it.

I don't have Facebook etc but will keep an eye out. I'm one of 5 so my mum has bf experience so learning as much as I can from her!

OP when I went I left ds with my mum and she had a bottle and formula for emergencies.

When ds was 5 weeks old I left him with a close friend and went to the cinema with DH. He slept the whole time and didn't need to feed - again she had a bottle with formula for emergencies.

After that I think he was a year old before we left him again! Just the way things worked out, not for any negative reasons.

@CarlottiJames I get it - I had an event booked which was a three hour drive away last winter. It had cost me £100 (a lot for me at the moment) but it was snowing and I had the worst cold. It was clearly going to be miserable and that was if I could even get there through the snow. I decided to let it go.

I went on a night out when DS was 20 days old, so pretty much 3 weeks.

I had a straight forward birth and he was a fairly settled baby which helps.

Everyone is different, maybe just see how you feel closer to the time.

Of course if I had a c section or complicated birth then I likely couldn't do

3 weeks, I'm sure you'll be fine to go. I don't know why the first reaction here is always to catastrophize.
Nowhere else does life just stop when one has a baby. It's crazy.

Please don't think you can't go OP. Chances are you probably can and, if for some reason you can't, you won't have spent the time between now and then worried about it all.

Give yourself permission to say no.

That £60 is spent whether you go or not, so don’t make that your deciding factor.

If you want to learn more about breastfeeding there's a wonderful group on Facebook called UK breastfeeding support. It was invaluable to me when I was trying to establish breastfeeding with my first born, which ended up taking about a month but we got there in the end.

There should also be breastfeeding support groups organised by your local children's centres.

I went to a party without my daughter at about 2-3 weeks, though she was bottle fed, so that makes it easier to go out etc. I had a section, but it was very straightforward, and I was out and about as soon as I was home from the hospital. I'm pregnant again and planning on going to an event which will probably again be at 2-3 weeks, possibly without baby again.

Ebf both of my DDs abs could easily have done it. See how you go, but chances are you’ll be fine.

I had third degree tearing, took a really bad reaction to gas and air and morphine, was kept in a total of 4 days, and was breastfeeding, and by 3 weeks I had a night out.

I expressed my milk, the baby was in safe hands with the mother in law and I just went out and focused on me and had a lovely time.

If you feel up to, go for it. It's amazing how out bodies can heal in a short space of time.

Good luck with the birth and enjoy your baby (and work do!)

EBF I couldn’t have, but my babies weren’t great feeders. My friend used to be able to breastfeed her baby, pop him down to sleep and go out for dinner with friend’s fur a few hours. With mine I never knew if they’d last five minutes after a feed, let alone a few hours. I’m having to exclusively pump for my youngest (8mo) now. I couldn’t have left it long between pumps with him at that age, but it would have been doable when EPing as being able to plan is just about the only upside to EPing over EBF!

Is there no way you can get some or all of the £60 back if that’s the main issue? If a new person has joined the team, could they replace you in numbers and you get their £60 instead? Or contact the restaurant, explain there will be one less meal and ask for a partial refund of cost price at least?

If you’d like to go, of course, go. Or wait and see how you feel. But at this remove, there are surely loads of ways to explore getting your £60 back if that is the main concern. Asking people to commit that much money almost a year in advance must surely have some scope for unforeseen situations, like yours.

BFing could be tricky, but if your mum’s happy to wait nearby in a coffee shop like you said then that should be fine. I know some mums don’t like to be away from their babies at all when they’re so little, but I liked a couple of hours off TBH.

@CarlottiJames it is not advertised, you have to ask but there are NCT discounts if you can’t afford it. Do get in touch with them. You don’t have to pay for NCT membership either.

Beware the leaky boobs also. Mine went bananas at that age and actually did until ds was a good few months old. I think I have a very over enthusiastic let down though .

It really depends. I left 11 day old EBF DD with DH and drove 50 miles across Kent to stand up in court against a dodgy ex-tenant. In hindsight it looks mad. But yes a few pre-planned hours may be doable, even enjoyable. See how you go.

I think you need to make childcare arrangements as if you're going, with the caveat that you may not. Then decide much closer to the time.

Both of mine cluster fed for weeks and I found breastfeeding very hard to begin with. Not only that but I was exhausted and incredibly sleep deprived. On a physical level I probably could have managed an hour or two. On an emotional level I wouldn't have wanted to have been parted from my baby at that stage. We're all different though as are all babies.

As for the £60. If I were in your shoes and decided not to go, then my reasons would be good ones and I would find it easier to have parted with that money. So whilst it will be disappointing, if you do make the decision not to go, the urge not to go will be stronger than losing the money, iyswim.

If you don't have any complications or a CS you could possibly do it.
I was able to pump plenty of milk within the first week (I think i was vey lucky though) so managed to nip out for 90 mins to a work meal when ds was a month old. It was literally around the corner though.

I couldn't have done. Physically I could leave the house despite a traumatic birth but a) I wouldn't have wanted to (was too traumatised and shocked to get myself dressed or have a sensible conversation) b) breastfeeding. DS fed every 45 minutes. I'd have had to have fed him in the car outside, run in, spent 45 minutes there then come out and fed him before going home. And that was on a good day.

I'd had an EMCS. But was fine in leggings and comfy floaty top sitting at a table with mates.

I could also pump plenty, but DS wouldn't take a bottle.

Its hard to say but I definitely couldn't have done it. DD was cluster feeding at that age esp in the evenings so I couldn't leave even if it was for a couple of hours.

I wouldn't have been able to as I was a sleep deprived zombie at that point, still bleeding, leaking milk and sweating like crazy.