Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Honest opinions- is it petty to take back a cot ?!

341 replies

Yelsgirl · 03/10/2018 08:05

So I’m 33 weeks pregnant
Partner walked out on me suddenly at 26 weeks
We had babies nursery all ready it’s gorgeous - ex partners mum bought the cot and she has now asked for it back so it can stay at her house.

What do people think of this ?
I’m shocked as I was under impression it was a gift for her grandchild.
I have offered to give her the money so I don’t have to have the stress of removing that one and getting a new one - but she wants that cot as it was on offer.
Unsure if I think this is ridiculous cause I’m hormonal or because it is ridiculous

OP posts:
CarlottiJames · 03/10/2018 09:31

Echoing everyone else.

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and your beautiful bundle when they arrive Thanks

PeakedTooEarly · 03/10/2018 09:35

At least they are showing their true colours early on OP. take this information and use it to positive benefit. It would have me seriously considering leaving the father bit on the BC blank though and crack on having a happy life without them in it.

The welfare of the DC is the last thing on grannies mind here isn't it. Petty old bitch!

chocatoo · 03/10/2018 09:36

Give it back and never speak to her again. She is not a nice role model for your child.
Don’t worry about getting another one for ages - baby will be in with you or a Moses basket. Cot is a long way down the line.
Tell ex that he needs to come and dismantle it and take it away. Make sure to tell him you wont be replacing the cot as it will be superfluous to requirements for several months.
Tbh you will probably find that you co-sleep with baby in your big bed.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 03/10/2018 09:39

Dont give it back. It belongs to your baby, no one else.

Give the baby your surname and dont put him on the birth certificate.

He needs to prove the baby's needs are his top priority.

jay55 · 03/10/2018 09:40

Give it back and block her number. You’ve zero need to be in contact with her now she’s shown who she is. Concentrate on you.

GinIsIn · 03/10/2018 09:46

I would absolutely go with the view of protecting yourself as a first priority. Just give it back. Give the baby your surname and do NOT put him on the BC. You can always give him rights/access later on if by some miracle he stops being a cunt, but you can't take parental rights away once granted if he carries on being one.

llangennith · 03/10/2018 09:50

Tell her you'll give her the cot as soon as her son buys a new one for his forthcoming baby's nursery.

scunner · 03/10/2018 09:54

I would return the cot. Your mother in law is in the wrong, but the last thing you need now is added stress. Try not to become embroiled in arguments about who will see the baby, who won’t in the near future.
All that really matters in the coming weeks is your health and the safe arrival of your baby.
Simply tell your partner to arrange collection of the cot at your convenience and order a replacement on line.
I am an oldie and believe me too much time and energy can be wasted on pettiness like your mother in law. Don’t allow ‘the cot’ issue become a huge problem.

MidnightAura · 03/10/2018 09:55

Wow you have dodged a bullet. She sounds awful.
I would give it back but then cut all contact. She is being ridiculous.

Oysterbabe · 03/10/2018 09:56

I'll tell them to come and get it too. Also over my dead body would they be having the baby overnight in the first year.

StaySafe · 03/10/2018 09:57

What utter nonsense about babies surnames in hospital has been posted. DH and I are married, I kept my maiden name. Both sons have his surname and mine double barrelled without a hyphen. These names were on all documents and tags from birth. I think that DH would have b;een very offended to have just my name on the documents.

montenuit · 03/10/2018 09:57

oh let the silly cow have the cot. She can come and dismantle it / take it, whatever.

if you only do one thing, give the baby your surname. You are not married. Your ex has no right over the baby's surname.

PartAnd · 03/10/2018 09:58

I'd tell her that she can collect it and I would forget about it. I wouldn't give it anymore thought. I think it's an odd and thoughtless thing to do but working yourself up into a rage about it is pointless. It's only a cot.

Some cots last for years and are good for toddlers and little kids so she may want it for her son for later.

I find a lot of grandparents go a bit loopy with the birth of grandchildren so I'd just put it down to that. She is no not going to be able to have a relationship with your child and probably feels bereft - it's NO excuse but it is an explanation

Tell her to get the cot then forget about it. It doesn't matter.

KathDayKnight50 · 03/10/2018 10:06

I think that DH would have been very offended to have just my name on the documents

I think the OP's situation is different in that the father has walked out on OP and his unborn child.

curlywurlyjo · 03/10/2018 10:07

Put the cot outside the house/flat & include anything else she's purchased and tell her it's outside & ready for her to collect.
Say you're going to hospital and expect it all gone by the time you get back.

And then go no contact.

She has only herself to blame for being such a nasty horrible bitch.

Don't tell them anything further about your pregnancy, when you go in hospital or go into labour, any appointments .... anything!

When dc is born give dc your surname & don't bother putting him on bc .... not yet anyway, it can wait a few years until he's proved he is a capable and responsible father.
They sound like a horrible family and you need to protect yourself and child legally.

I hope df isn't being a nasty little bitch too, it does make you wonder what his telling his family.

You say your mum has passed away, is you dad still about or any siblings that can help you at your time of need? I'm thinking labour or appointments or just a shoulder to lean on?

You don't need a cot yet, Moses basket will be fine until baby's a bit older. (I prefer them actually, they're so cute)

You've got lots of advice here, what you leaning towards?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/10/2018 10:08

You know, I think I'd let her have it back too.
After all, she's not going to get any use out of it for at least the first 6 months, is she.
Breastfeeding will help, as breastfed babies shouldn't stay away from their mum overnight for (I think) about 6 months.

And you're going to resent that cot every time you put your baby in it (which probably won't be for the first few weeks anyway, do you have a bassinet? or bed attachment for the baby?)

So fuck it, and her, let her have it back.

PatchworkElmer · 03/10/2018 10:08

If you can afford to, give it back. You need to look after yourself, and I think that having the cot will now just be a reminder of all this nastiness.

As others have said, make sure that baby had your name. And I’d be making it very clear that overnights will NOT be happening in the short to medium term. DS is 2 next month, and I’m still some way off feeling comfortable with being away from him at night.

I also wouldn’t accept any gifts from this woman in future.

EK36 · 03/10/2018 10:10

I think that they are being incredibly vile and thoughtless. Where do they the baby will sleep without the cot? I would say that the baby's due very soon and the baby needs it! And that there wont be any overnight stays for at least six months as the baby will be breast fed.

owabno · 03/10/2018 10:13

staysafe. It's not nonsense. It's protocol to use the mother's name to identify the baby in hospital.

Irrespective of the intended name of the baby upon registration the mother is the patient and the baby because 'baby of patient'

That's how things are supposed to be done.

Not sure why your hospital added in your DH surname, it's not standard practice.

EK36 · 03/10/2018 10:13

I agree with other posters, give the baby your surname. He had left you high and dry. His mother should be ashamed.

owabno · 03/10/2018 10:13

Baby BECOMES

Uncreative · 03/10/2018 10:15

People keep saying that it will be six months before the baby can stay over. I just want to highlight that that is really the earliest you should consider. It could be significantly longer if you wanted.

The recommendation I saw was that ‘At about two years of age children can tolerate up to only one night away, two times a week (not in succession) from the primary carer‘.

Celebelly · 03/10/2018 10:15

Cheeky bisim. If my son had left his pregnant girlfriend, who has the cot would be the last of my bloody worries. You've offered to pay her for it which is more than reasonable.

bumpsadaisy11 · 03/10/2018 10:17

Sorry that you are going through this OP.

Send her a link to this thread, hopefully she would realise just how disgusting she is being!!! 💐❤️💐

Frouby · 03/10/2018 10:19

Just say no.

Block her. Block him, with a message saying you are finding things stressful, want to focus on the last bit of your pgy and will be in touch once baby is here.

Neither he or his family have any right to you. Once baby is born they will have a right to a relationship with their father. But not until he or she is actually a person.

Absolutely give baby your surname, breastfeed to give you at least 6 months with no pressure to overnights and make sure when you register the birth you start a claim to child support or whatever it is called.

Good luck.

Swipe left for the next trending thread