Maternity ward etiquette?

[greenfooted]

I suspect I am. On a maternity ward of four after c section two days ago. Baby opposite is a screamer. Has been doing so on and off all day . It's now 3 am. I have had no sleep. My baby wakes every time other baby screams. So is in my arms ( so I can't sleep). There are two of them with screaming baby. Aibu to think at some stage one of them should take it for a walk/ to the day room. I am on own as DH with our other kids so feeling pretty uncharitable and grumpy....even when DH was hear earlier this baby screamed through my earplugs...

My DD was put in the nursery on a couple of nights so I could sleep as I had a difficult birth. They offered. Ask

Do UK wards still have night nurseries? When I had ds (he's 20) I was the only mum to have my baby with me at night - all the rest went to the night nursery

I was in a side room so he wasn't keeping other people awake as the side rooms were some distance from the main ward.

Totally agree @serbska and very glad men are kicked out at 10pm at the hospital I will be having my c section at in 2 weeks time!

I'll miss my DH but I'd rather that than random men walking around at all hours of the night. No thanks!

If maternity wards are having to bring in this policy in order to assist understaffing then that is just appalling!!

It is horrible but you are being unreasonable. I was on a ward of 6 and between 2 screamers and a jaundice unit.. I didn't sleep for 3 days but absolutely nothing couldn't be done about it.

You'll soon be home and congratulations.

I was on a 6 bed ward, all recovering from sections, no partners allowed after 9 which was heaven and the midwives would come in and take any crying babies out to the nurses station if mums couldn't settle them. It was great. The most annoying part is loud annoying neighbour visitors intruding on your cubicle by pushing their fat noisy arses up against the curtain. I felt like asking some of them did they want to come and get into bed with me.

Oh forgot to add. They may not be able to walk around with their baby even in the wheelie cot. I rolled mine into the bathroom while I took a shower and got griped at by a MW while I was in there.

Although I think it was because the cunty woman next to me complained.

Like I was going to leave my PFB in a room with strangers and their even stranger visitors. 🤔 Fuck that.

Men have no place on maternity wards

I completely agree with this. Men should not be there overnight. I’m due any day and we have been told that husbands/partners can stay overnight in a chair by the bed. I really wouldn’t want to inflict my (lovely) dh on other women. They don’t know him, they might feel really vulnerable- it’s not fair.

@RowenaDedalus I doubt the men really want to be there either. Mine couldn't wait to get out of the maternity ward

I was put on a routine of feeds every three hours followed by formula top-ups and pumping after an EMCS. I would not have been able to do it without my husband staying in hospital with me.

Lucky your DH was there then. How do you think those without partners, or those whose partners are at home looking after other children manage? Exactly. There should be enough STAFF to provide care, and then women feeling vulnerable will not have to share space with men they do not know (who have not been DBS checked by the hospital).

@BuntyII Ha, mine too. He pulled a face when he was told visiting was until 10pm instead of 8pm like the last hospital! He'd stay if he could but he certainly wouldn't want to!

Can you go home?

My last birth was an elective. I was on a ward with 3 other couples and babies. One couple ate all fucking night! The sound of continuous crunching and munching almost sent me mad! I know you cannot eat from 10pm the night before but really?!? All fucking night?! I preferred the sound of babies!

Like someone else said. You don't know their story so be nice.

!8 days I was in. 15 of them post natal.

The lights, the constant noise, being ill myself and having to express and do top up feeds so if I did fall asleep it was for less than an hour before someone woke me up to feed, pump, bottle feed.

When I finally left and stepped outside I burst into tears. I'd pretty much forgotten what the outside world was like. And that first night at home in a dark, quiet room!

Congratulations on your new baby OP! Hope you are getting home today and can get a good sleep tonight. x

Whoever upthread who said maternity care has gone backwards was spot on. My son was born in the mid 1970s, babies were taken away to the nursery at night, visiting hours applied to fathers as well as other visitors and we stayed in for a week. I had no idea men were allowed to stay on maternity wards these days, I think it's highly disrespectful and quite honestly I'm shocked. Who wants random strange men around at such a vulnerable time?

Generally hospital wards are the pits and if I ever need to stay in one again I'll definitely be having a private room.

Hope you're home now, OP, and have had some decent sleep.

I'm so glad I had my DC over 30 years ago.

We had sufficient midwives and we had nurseries. So the babies were taken off so we could rest and you were woken for feeds.

Same happened in the afternoons before visiting. You almost started to feel human.

And fathers were sent home!

My son was born in the mid 1970s, babies were taken away to the nursery at night

I get that this seems like a nice idea to get some sleep, but we know now that closer contact with the mother is better for bonding and for establishing breastfeeding. I wouldn’t want my newborn having that precious skin contact and cuddles with someone else, and I would want to teed them immediately they woke rather than them having to be transported from another ward.

But someone to help lift baby out the crib after a c-section, somene to bring me meals and water, someone to watch baby whilst I shower etc - that would have been most welcome (as would a private room ).

*feed, not teed.

It didn't seem to do us or our babies any harm. And we went home, as NannyOgg says, well rested and all the grandparents could see the baby while we were in hospital. OP's horror story makes me think they got it right all those years ago.

Bluelady my experience was absolutely perfect for me. Home in my own comfortable surroundings within 6 hours of the birth. Had a nice dinner, a glass of champagne, peace and quiet, DH there and we both got a decent nights sleep.

Interesting how in private hospitals and in the US where cost is less of a factor the night nursery model is still going strong...
Didn’t do my baby any harm to go with the midwife overnight while I rested anyway!

I bonded fine with my DC and breastfeeding went on for over a year with all of them so it didn't interfere with that either.

We were woken to go to the nursery for feeds but it meant that all women on the ward could get some essential rest.

And saying closer contact with the mother is better for bonding and for establishing breastfeeding implies that we didn't bond and breastfeeding was difficult to establish for everyone in hospital.

Which isn't the case

I had DD this week and DP was not allowed to stay overnight. It’s not the case everywhere,

@SoyDora that's all very well if you've had a straightforward birth.

We're talking about women who've had c sections here, who do not have that option

YABU to be complaining about screaming if the couple are doing what they can to settle baby. My DS1 was a screamer one night, i hadn’t had any sleep the night before either as he was born at 1.30am, then I was woken by a nurse after I finally managed a couple of hours. I asked for help but just got a crabby midwife who moaned at me for using the buzzer.

DS2 wasn’t a screamer but I took ear plugs in so I wouldn’t be woken by other babies. Bliss!