Maternity ward etiquette?

[greenfooted]

I suspect I am. On a maternity ward of four after c section two days ago. Baby opposite is a screamer. Has been doing so on and off all day . It's now 3 am. I have had no sleep. My baby wakes every time other baby screams. So is in my arms ( so I can't sleep). There are two of them with screaming baby. Aibu to think at some stage one of them should take it for a walk/ to the day room. I am on own as DH with our other kids so feeling pretty uncharitable and grumpy....even when DH was hear earlier this baby screamed through my earplugs...

Maternity wards need to be abolished. No parent should ever be separated from their child in a hospital barring infection control. That means Dad’s need to be allowed at all times. This is especially true since Mom may not physically be capable of accompanying the newborn to procedures elsewhere in the hospital and things happen at all hours of the day and night.

...and home... in my own bed... bliss.

Funnily, I was in one of the hospitals named above, but it was full so no amenity rooms. Sadly one of them was taken with a social services care, so lots of drama their this morning.

Got asked to complete a survey about my experience on way out so that made me feel better. I definitely feel there are better ways to set you up for parenthood. Bay next door we're new parents and we're getting some great help from the fab breastfeed consultant, but we're equally expected to take it all in whilst on a crazy ward.

Realised that fourth bed had DC in NICU - that must have been even harder, luckily baby had just been brought to them as we left.

What would you replace them with, Purple?

No men were allowed to stay in our hospital, DP got told he had to go at 9. 1 1/2 hours after I gave birth. He was allowed back at 8am. I’d rather he didn’t stay anyway because he would have had no where to sleep properly. I wouldn’t have had to stay after having dd had it not been for her slightly raised sugar levels. Which returned to normal a few hours later but they said it was too late to discharge me.

Congratulations on your newborn!

You are being both reasonable and unreasonable. Post natal wards are awful and mine wasn't bad per se. Screaming babies are a fairly standard hazard. But the way it's set up is not conducive to newly postnatal mother's being able to rest and recuperate.

Men should never be allowed to stay in post natal wards overnigt or after hours. Private rooms with adequate security between, sure. Free range across wards, nope.

I sympathise and think it is natural to be annoyed but honestly yabu to expect the mother to take the baby out of the room... I'm afraid it's just something to deal with, rubbish as it is! My hospital offers private rooms for £80 a night. If I was in your situation I might get desperate enough to pay it. It's not the other mothers faults though... just a frustrating situation! They're probably struggling too and may even feel guilty about the noise themselves.

Congratulations and I hope you have had some sleep by now!

I was the first time mum with the screamer in a bay of 3. Hardly heard the 2 other babies cry all night. I was awake all night holding/feeding because my baby wouldn't settle in the cot and screamed a lot. I begged the midwives to take her 3 times that night and got an hours sleep each time. Had I known what hideous sleeper she would be for the next 2 years I would have pestered them more to take her! I also tried taking her out the bay to give the others some peace but I was feeling faint and dizzy and starting to black out after standing for too long.

I don't like the idea of men staying over on a maternity ward in open bays. The space is so limited, I had a man sleeping next to me I could touch if I so desired he was so near. You are at the most vulnerable time in your life - definitely better staffing to support new mums. I sent my DP home and told him to make sure he got a good night's sleep as it would be his last for a while!

There was a Nursery when I had my oldest dd in 1998. Nhs hospital.

Maternity wards are like the seventh circle of hell. I get it must be frustrating but please bear in mind she may not be able to walk (I couldn't for 2 days from surgery after having DD) and she also may be so exhausted and most probably on edge because she has the screaming baby.

Congratulations!

I don't know. I think YABU but you are probably also really exhausted. You'll be home soon and you will sleep again, even if it doesn't feel like that right now....

The dad is there and snoring while baby screams? Yanbu and neither would the mum is she kicked him out of bed.

This is reminding me of having DD. She wouldn’t stop screaming, I couldn’t get her to latch and I could hear the people in the next bed muttering. Oh and I was having the most horrendous hallucinations thanks to the oramorph I was on.

The nurses took her to their office for me. Twice.

Ultimately these kinds of substandard conditions are a risk when you don't go private.

NHS post-natal wards are awful, is the general consensus. (I agree based on my experience - c-section and left to struggle alone with a screaming, hungry baby with no help when I couldn't even move in my bed properly.) As a PP said, women are being expected to recover from birth and surgery in ridiculous conditions. This should be a political issue, and we need to start speaking out rather than just moaning to each other or saying we have to put up with it.

@Fluffymullet lack of support is entirely an issue.

This is why I was so glad they allowed DH to stay with us as he was our only support. The staff were rude and awful! Refused to help us learn to feed her as she was bottle fed, didn't listen to me when I said I need pain relief.

As a midwife we are not allowed under any circumstances to take a baby from it’s mother to settle it at the desk. Or we risk being disciplined formally. Of course we do still and take that risk but with nowhere near the amount of regularity that we would do otherwise. We get it. We know it’s awful. We hate having the men there too, scratching their balls and being in and out for fags all night. Unfortunately the research says babies are better off with their mothers overnight, to improve bonding and breastfeeding etc and as a baby friendly hospital we have that imposed upon us. We appreciate that it’s shit though. We really do.

Are you back home now OP? Hope you are settling in well x

YABU

I was in 6 days after an EMCS and was too unwell to leave the bed for 2 of them.

One night my DC would not sleep at all, the midwife offered to take my baby so I could get some rest. The lady opposite had been tutting regularly, and when I cried a bit after they took DC (quietly, I'm not a bawler, but I felt as if I was massively failing already, and hormones) she whispered "now she's fucking crying!" I think just to herself, but it made me feel like shit.
The woman next to me ended up doing the same the next night. Woman opposite had thankfully left by then.

You have know idea about the situations of the other women on your ward. Just accept you're not getting any decent sleep until you're home. Or private room. (Asked every night and day for a room, it was £120 a night but they were constantly full)

I got my own room after a c section, I'd have gone mad if I couldn't of got sleep. Feel for you.

I really feel your pain. I partly blame 3 days in hospital with absolutely zero sleep after a 28 hour labour for my pnd with my first. With dc2 and 3 I discharged myself after a few hours. I know it's not as straight forward as that for you after a c section but could you afford a private room?

Yabu to blame the other mums/babies as it's the whole set up that is wrong but yanbu to be absolutely sick of it!

They are almost definitely not allowed to take the baby for a walk. Most maternity wards have this policy for health and safety reasons. Can you pay for a private room? That's what I did when ds was born so I could get some peace and quiet

I was in hospital for 5 days first 3 woman opposite me had her baby scream through night and the next 2 days my baby screamed! Can't be helped unfortunately, babies will cry and can't be stopped to be polite to neighbours on ward, Congratulations and hope you get home soon!

Yabu.. I had an emcs, my baby cried most of the night and I had very little help trying to get him to latch. I was in a lot of pain and walking was difficult let alone carrying a hungry, crying baby in my arms. It's unfortunate yes but you're not the only one recovering and I imagine those other ladies are knackered. You don't know what kind of birth they had.

Are you due to be discharged today, OP? If you had your baby 2 days ago I;d be looking to dicharge you unless there's a specific reason for you to need to stay - such as baby on SCBU or recieving a course of IV antibiotics etc. It's unusual for many women to stay more than 2 nights, most go home after 1, even after a section.

Echoing the fellow midwife upthread, we're not keen on men on the PN ward, but certainly in my Trust it's a policy implemented at the request of the women. They want their partners to stay - we sure as heck don't: no space, no facilities and they get in our way when we're trying to deliver care. It also makes it very difficult to talk to women who we suspect might have controling/abusive partners. men staying overnight doesn't help us do our job, it hinders us.

oh, and private rooms? VERY hard to come by, most NHS hospitals just weren't built with very many. We allocate ours to women whose babies are on SCBU, or women staying for a longer time due to clinical need (themseves or the baby), women who are re-admitted due to themselves or the baby being unwell, women with complex MH needs and so on. C-section mums are no more likely to get one than anyone else. And it's very rare for us to have any available for people who just want to pay for a nicer experience. Maybe during the quieter months - Christmas or the height of summer - but never in September or October!

Yes we have men staying over at the request of the women. Thing is most people consider their own kind, caring, respectful partner when answering the question ‘would you like birth partners to stay overnight?’ They aren’t considering the drug dealer who is staying with his partner, or the abusive controlling horror that is staying with his, or even just the lazy snoring bastard who is staying with his. And I get that, most of us have those kind caring respectful partners (although views can be skewed the longer you hang around MN 😂) and you only answer from your own reference point. Unfortunately EVERYONE has babies, not just kind respectful decent people.

Sorry. Straying slightly off topic.