Maternity ward etiquette?

[greenfooted]

I suspect I am. On a maternity ward of four after c section two days ago. Baby opposite is a screamer. Has been doing so on and off all day . It's now 3 am. I have had no sleep. My baby wakes every time other baby screams. So is in my arms ( so I can't sleep). There are two of them with screaming baby. Aibu to think at some stage one of them should take it for a walk/ to the day room. I am on own as DH with our other kids so feeling pretty uncharitable and grumpy....even when DH was hear earlier this baby screamed through my earplugs...

Suzielou66 in what year(s) did you give birth?

babycatcher411
Most nhs maternity units have a nursery where babies can be taken if mums are struggling following the birth and/or are unable to take care of their own baby because of a medical emergency involving the mum where the baby is ok. It’s not a place you can send your baby just because you feel like it but if you are exhausted following the birth and really can’t care for your baby or your baby won’t stop crying they can be taken there.

I think there's a distinct lack of reality empathy from Suzielou.

@Suzielou66 as a midwife, I can tell you you as very misinformed.

*are

EyeUpOurKid
I gave birth in 2000, but my sister gave birth more recently and I have friends who have given birth this year and last year. I have a close friend who is an nhs midwife, so I hear a lot about the nhs maternity unit she works on too. We all gave birth in different areas of the country in nhs hospitals. So no I am not living in the dark ages!

Suzielou So your experience of baby nurseries and auxiliary staff being available in the night was 18 years ago. So not comparable to now then, at all in fact, in the slightest.

babycatcher411
I have a very close friend who is a midwife and friends who have given birth recently in various parts of the country so not misinformed. Glad I didn’t give birth in your hospital.

@Suzielou66 where is this maternity ward with auxiliary staff on hand and a nursery?? Or that would even let a baby off the ward for a walk? Three years ago with mine there were no auxiliary staff available to help. There was no nursery. There was nowhere else for the babies to be other than alongside their mums. I couldn't take mine to a quieter place as there was none on the ward - there were three bays (one antenatal and two postnatal with eight beds in each), a nurse's station and a few filthy loos and showers. A kitchen where anyone using formula or pumping had to go to sterilise their own bottles and pumps etc. And that was it. There was nowhere else to go. There were two midwives on duty covering those three x eight bed bays, giving a ratio of one midwife: 12 mums and at least 12 babies. Women had to take themselves off to get their own breakfast and other meals were dumped by each bed by kitchen staff. There was supposedly a nursery nurse around but she was never available during the four days/three nights I was on the ward.

EyeUpOurKid
Did you read the whole message or just the first 5 words? If you did you will see that my information is up to date in my area and at least 4 other areas of the country. Some nhs maternity units are crap, most are understaffed but a good midwife will always help where they can. This thread isn’t about good or bad practice in maternity units or good and bad staff. It’s about rude and selfish mothers who don’t give a damn about other people. They do exist whatever year you gave birth.

If you look up the Baby Friendly Initiative you'll see that any hospital signed up to it has to shut its nursery and babies must be roomed in with their mum. I'be looked up all my local hospitals and they are all signed up to it, so there is no such thing as a nursery there.

For a poorly baby there is NICU, but that is for the very poorly. We ended up in SCBU (feeding problems) which is less intense care than NICU but even in SCBU the babies roomed in with the mums. They had a higher staffing ratio so I was able to leave DD there whilst I went to the loo, unlike on the postnatal ward, but the only place where staff were actually caring directly for the babies was in NICU.

@Suzielou66 and your friend probably works in a maternity unit where staff get the appropriate rest breaks, leave on time and the unit never gets closed for bed blocking or short staffing, also.

suzielou I asked when you gave birth, you said 18 years ago, that's all I need to know. Your experience of giving birth is not and never will be comparable with mine because I gave birth two years ago (when baby nurseries and on hand auxiliary staff didn't exist).

Your attitude also tells me all I need to know. You are clearly talking complete bollocks my love

@EyUp glad someone said it 👏

RidingMyBike
I’m sorry that the quality of care received was so poor. Sounds like you had an awful time. Your local hospital sounds appalling. Did you put in an official complaint to PALS? You need to speak up so that things get changed for others (in an ideal world I know but we can hope). Babies weren’t allowed to wander off the wards with total stranger. That would be ridiculous. I’m in the Midlands. I know different areas invest their money differently but here we have some great hospitals that have been fortunate enough to have had a lot of investment. They are even better than when I gave birth. I never wanted to turn this thread into a discussion about hospital facilities or sick new mums. I merely wanted to point out that some new mums are selfish and don’t give a damn about anyone but themselves and it’s not unreasonable to expect other mums to do their best where possible to keep their babies quiet at night. Please don’t judge me for having a better experience than you. I was very ill and both of my babies almost died. I spent 9 weeks in hospital during each of the pregnancies and had awful births. Both of my babies ended up in special care. I did experience great midwives for whom nothing was too much trouble even when they were exhausted and the wards were clean.

EyeUpOurKid
RidingMyBike
babycatcher411
Why can’t we express our opinions without being attacked because those opinions differ from someone else’s? I agree with the person who started this thread, who are you to say my opinion is wrong just because it isn’t your experience. I’m disabled and suffer from three chronic illnesses. I spend a lot of time in a number of local hospitals. I have always experienced polite and helpful nursing and auxiliary staff in each of those hospitals. I know that is not the experience of many but that is my experience. Why should I apologise or be belittled because it’s not your experience? Your opinion is your opinion and not mine. It really doesn’t take much to be polite and treat others fairly. Maybe the way you have been treated is a reflection of the way you treat others. 🙂

babycatcher411
My friend often works long hours with no breaks and rarely leaves on time. She often ends up doing jobs she isn’t paid to do and cleans up mess other people leave behind. Despite this she always trys to support her mums to the best of her abilities and goes above and beyond to provide good care. Yes she is exceptional as a friend and as a midwife.

@Suzielou66 I'm not attacking your opinion. I'm arguing against a misinformed post you made

"babycatcher411
Most nhs maternity units have a nursery where babies can be taken if mums are struggling following the birth and/or are unable to take care of their own baby because of a medical emergency involving the mum where the baby is ok"

Because baby nurseries don't exist, and your insistence they do, Despite all evidence to the contrary?

And calling new mothers rude and selfish because they're struggling to soothe their newborn babies (whilst recovering from birth) makes you come across like a complete arsehole?

Because now you're trying to come across as kind and benevolent with your chatter and it doesn't work?

Because this is an internet forum and I don't need to be a polite or pleasant to someone who is now backtracking?

Any of those reasons.

@Suzielou66 yes I did complain. It was ignored by maternity until I went via PALS when it was acknowledged and I ended up meeting with the Chief Midwife. Unfortunately that isn't going to change the fact that hospitals now don't have nurseries. The Baby Friendly Initiative is something I'm vehemently opposed to but a lot of hospitals are signed up to it and they aren't suddenly going to start reopening nurseries and employing more staff unless there is a huge change in policy from much higher up. And that isn't going to happen in the current financial climate.

And it isn't helpful telling women they're selfish and don't care
about their babies when the fact is is that maternity wards with staff available and nurseries to put the babies in are incredibly rare. I too have friends who've given birth elsewhere and relatives who are midwives and the only one I've come across with a nursery was on a tiny hospital in Gloucestershire. All the others had minimal staffing and no nursery. There was no help available.

We had one woman who insisted on rocking her baby in the hospital crib thing through the night - it made a terrible screeching noise. The staff came in to tell her to stop the noise after many complaints from the rest of the bay, but the woman wasn't allowed to have the baby in bed with her or walk around holding it, and the staff refused to take babies to look after so I'm not sure what she was supposed to do.

This is exactly why I wanted a home birth.

I agree with Bluelady though, I'm not sure why we accept it. I had two hospital stays in the last fortnight, one in my local very underfunded hospital and one in the regional centre for a complex op. Now althoh procedures were risky, and the op was urgent, in myself I was fairly well iyswim. The care and respect was excellent. And I was astonished because my only other experience was during labour and post, where the care, comparatively, was shit. I thought that was normal. Turns out it's only normal for vulnerable mothers.

EyeUpOurKid
Not backtracking. Not trying to be kind and benevolent. Not putting down mums who are struggling. I have no idea who you are or what you are like. If it makes you feel better to call someone an arsehole and put someone down because they see/experience things differently go ahead. You don’t know me or what i’m like and I have no desire to defend myself to a total stranger who is angry and bitter because they had a bad experience. I’m sad for you but I’m not going to loose any sleep over it. Maybe you could start again and read my original post (which actually showed empathy for the original writer) in the true spirit in which it was written.

I mean, with my recent procedures, I could have managed with much less attention from staff, although it was nice to have
When I really needed that attention, as a vulnerable traumatised mum, it wasn't there. Something's wrong with the ethos of maternity care. And I'm someone who really didn't want to medicalize my pregnancy and birth and resisted interventions, but when the system insisted I was hospitalised, they then didn't support me. Convinced I had a healthy baby and full recovery in spite of, not because of their care.

RidingMyBike
I’m not criticising all mums whose babies cry. You seem to think i’m Totally heartless.I merely pointed out that some mums don’t give a damn and let their babies cry all night long without doing any about it even if they can. Some people seem to think that they are the only new mum on they award and that everyone else should accommodate their needs without them looking out for anyone else’s needs. I don’t think the person who made the original post was talking about mums who were in any impossible situation with sick babies or who had had c-sections but about those mums who turn over and go to sleep themselves leaving their babies to cry without any attempt to address the crying. Mums who are selfish! I experienced some of those mums when I was in hospital. Nursery or no nursery it makes little difference if you leave your baby to cry because you simply can’t be bothered. If she was criticising mums who were crying but couldn’t stop the crying then I don’t have much sympathy for the original writer either.

TotHappy, I think the reason women of child bearing age shrug and accept it is partly because the birth experience is so different from any other hospital stay. These days it's short, it's only a couple of times in a life time, if you have a straightforward delivery you're not ill and it probably gets filed in the "forget quickly" box that the pain goes into.

I was talking to a friend about how it used to be and we both said that we were so well looked after we didn't want to go home! I doubt you'd hear anyone say that now.

Seriously though, you should all kick up an almighty fuss about this because it really isn't good enough.