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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Maternity ward etiquette?

290 replies

greenfooted · 03/10/2018 03:06

I suspect I am. On a maternity ward of four after c section two days ago. Baby opposite is a screamer. Has been doing so on and off all day . It's now 3 am. I have had no sleep. My baby wakes every time other baby screams. So is in my arms ( so I can't sleep). There are two of them with screaming baby. Aibu to think at some stage one of them should take it for a walk/ to the day room. I am on own as DH with our other kids so feeling pretty uncharitable and grumpy....even when DH was hear earlier this baby screamed through my earplugs...

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 03/10/2018 07:06

I had a screamer, I tried everything, luckily the midwives were having a quiet night so took her for a few hours so everyone got a bit of sleep.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/10/2018 07:07

So relieved my local hospital has all single rooms with an suite

As I could barely hobble to loo after having a catheter due to non stop bleeding and placenta not coming away and was rushed off to be removed when dd was ten mins old

I stayed 3 nights and slept tho always seemed to be woken up for meds or bp or temp

Why not do all 3 at same time

But no you are not bu

The dad could push baby in trolley or cuddle and go for a walk

I often think babies cry as hungry and if mum bf their milk isn’t in hence use formula top ups till it is but not all hospitals suggest this /mums don’t always want to

Hope you leave soon

Queenofthestress · 03/10/2018 07:14

I was lucky with my first, we ended up in a private room after a couple hours, they turned the heating up and basically tried to bake us because of DS's issues, I'd have felt sorry for other mum's if I was on a ward, he was hourly temp checks

Original poster
greenfooted · 03/10/2018 08:09

Just phoned DH as he's at home to see the kids as is MIL...he's still in bed. Underwhelmed...

OP posts:
happymummy12345 · 03/10/2018 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsStrowman · 03/10/2018 12:51

@happymummy12345 oh the irony of your name. OP pointed out from the start she doesn't blame the mothers or that much can be done (other than about snoring dads who could help their partners more), others have shared their own experiences of hellish maternity wards. It's an awful environment, she clearly just needs a tent and some support but you've decided to take it ever so personally. It's no one's fault your baby was unwell at birth, and is in no way related to this thread. Projecting much?

MrsStrowman · 03/10/2018 12:52

*rant

IceBearRocks · 03/10/2018 13:04

Now...this is gonna be harsh!!!

I spent a day next to a woman like you!!! My DS wouldn't need and vomited constantly from the second he was born. Nurses tried to help me feed him but he couldn't.

He was born at 5:40am and I asked to go home at 7pm because the woman is the next bed was moaning and complaining .... I had previously fed a child for 16 months and was a breastfeeding adviser. I was being told to shut that kid up, Doesn't she know better she already has one....the 3 other woman in my ward all stood round and the visitors all complained!

My son cried until 6am the following morning completely exhausted!

He's now a severely disabled boy who is fed via a Gastrostomy, he can't talk and although 9 behaves still like a toddler.

Those women made me feel minute, incapable, useless and I questioned my parenting skills!

So my advice is...unless you know exactly what's going on behind those curtains...keep your mouth shut!

YABVvvvU

ilovegin112 · 03/10/2018 13:20

How the hell have we now got to letting men sleep on maternity wards, I’m all for bonding but that’s taking the piss

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 03/10/2018 13:26

@ilovegin112 why not? They've just welcomes a baby to and it's emotionally and mentally just as shocking. My husband stayed with us the one night we were then along with other dads and it was great. We got to spend time with DD just us

Bluebelltulip · 03/10/2018 13:29

@ilovegin112 I think a lot has come from lack of midwife's. When I had my DD I was very thankful that DH could stay as I couldn't get out of bed so his help was very important. While I don't doubt that midwife's would have tried to help me they were rushed off their feet. Unfortunately you will always have inconsiderate partners (same as some mums too) which give the system a bad name. There are plenty of dads which stay and don't cause an issue and help things a great deal.

Hope you get some rest soon OP.

Sipperskipper · 03/10/2018 13:31

ilovegin I would have felt the same pre DD, but after a traumatic EMCS I couldn’t lift her to feed her, or sit myself up for about 4 days. The midwives were wonderful but so, so busy - the place was like a war zone. If DH hadn’t been there I would not have been able to feed DD, or get up for the loo. It shouldn’t be like that, but that is the reality of a poorly staffed ward.

Racecardriver · 03/10/2018 13:34

YABU. I couldn't walk for three days after first birth. They may have extensive scarring. Or a catheter. Or they may have just had a c section. Or they may just be completely exhausted and out of their minds with exhaustion.

What you can do is request a private room. Because you have had a c section you will be priority. Or you may have the option to pay for one of you are lucky. Ultimately these kinds of substandard conditions are a risk when you don't go private. You can't expect other patients to ensure your comfort.

GreenMeerkat · 03/10/2018 13:37

Sorry YABU but I really do sympathise.

Been on post natal ward twice and hated every single second of it. It was the worst experience!

When I had my first DD there was a screamer on the ward and was awful! But.... think how you'd feel if you were the screamer's mum. Probably a lot worse than you do now.

OutPinked · 03/10/2018 13:40

YABU. My DC1 was that screamer. I was a flustered young FTM and had no fucking idea what to do. I had to constantly call the midwives for help but just felt abandoned. I’d had a traumatic delivery so was in an awful lot of pain, it hurt to move and I was trying my best to establish BFing/getting to grips with nappy changing etc. Transpired later on that he had colic, weirdly right from being born...

This was almost nine years ago and visitors weren’t allowed to stay over though so I really was all alone. I know when mine were born they had to be kept in the wheely cot thing if you were moving around with them, you weren’t allowed to just walk around with them. I’m sure the parents in question aren’t just allowing their baby to scream and not trying everything to stop it. Cut them some slack.

GreenMeerkat · 03/10/2018 13:40

@Thesnobbymiddleclassone because not all women would be comfortable having a man they don't know stay on the maternity ward overnight. You are so completely vulnerable in that situation. I'm lucky and had my DH with me but some others may be single mothers without that support and just wouldn't feel comfortable. I'd have loved my DH to stay, especially that first night, but totally understand why he wasn't allowed.

SoyDora · 03/10/2018 13:42

YANBU in the sense that it sounds awful and I truly sympathise.
However... it’s a ward full of new mothers and newborn babies. It’s bound to be noisy and I’m sure it’s pretty miserable for the mothers of the screamers too.
I had same day discharge with both of mine so managed to avoid the postnatal ward. However I developed sepsis as a result of mastitis when DC2 was about 8 days old and after a spell in intensive care was put on the postnatal ward for a couple of nights so the midwives could help with my baby. It was hell. There was absolutely no way I could even begin recovering from sepsis with that level of noise, and I was attached to so many machines that I couldn’t escape it.
No way I’d have let anyone take my baby to a nursery though. She even came to intensive care with me.

strawberrisc · 03/10/2018 13:43

Some right crabby cows on this thread.

YANBU to be tired.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 03/10/2018 13:52

When DH was there we shut our curtains and he wasn't the only one there and we weren't the only ones doing it. Each hospital is different and our was okay with that.

They wouldn't let him stay in a waiting room so had to be on the ward with us.

PinkHeart5914 · 03/10/2018 13:56

Well it’s a maternity ward and babies are known for crying so it is what it is really.

Fine your tired but you can bet your life all other new mums in a maternity ward are tired too

Some will be first time mums and you can be nervous and not know what to do for the best

Some will be recovering and not feel up to taking the baby for a walk or the bay room, they have not long given birth after all

In an ideal world it would all be individual rooms

Undercoverbanana · 03/10/2018 13:56

YANBU for being tired and frustrated, but I don’t think anyone sleeps on a maternity ward. Get home as soon as you can and collapse into your own bed when you get the chance.

alwayswingingit · 03/10/2018 13:57

YABU, can't believe you even have to ask. Put up with it, you will be soon be home...those parents probably feel awful as it is.

deste · 03/10/2018 14:02

My DD had her baby 4 weeks ago and when her baby wouldn’t settle, no screaming, the nurses took her away so they could rest. Unfortunately they couldn’t take away the snorer opposite.

Seafoodeatit · 03/10/2018 14:03

Snoring men disturbed my sleep more than the babies crying, Thank you so much Bath for introducing this shit policy ( I really wanted to punch a man who snored so bloody loudly and couldn't understand in the morning why his partner had slept so badly) and it's why I go home asap now. YANBU for finding it hard but YABU to assume the mother can take the baby around.

Mari50 · 03/10/2018 14:04

Yeah, YABU OP but you have my sympathies.
I was in hospital for 5 days after my emcs and had I not been so fucked after the delivery etc i’d have had an amazing time observing all the different mums/babies.
One mum had a particularly noisy baby who also had a cry that would make your ears bleed but it was so obvious that mum was struggling that even at 3am I felt nothing but sympathy.
The things that annoyed me more were when the bed opposite had a dozen visitors at once and the dad who ate his cheese and onion crisps in such a gross manner I could smell and hear it from 20 feet away.
On the day of discharge they were considering keeping me in cause my blood pressure was high, I calmly explained that the only way my bp would return to normal was if I was discharged and that I may stroke out if I had to stay there another night.
Sympathies OP. And congrats.

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