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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH is obsessed with NDN’s cat

227 replies

Crazycatmanhelp · 02/10/2018 08:12

Our neighbour’s cat has started pooing in our garden. We’re not really sure why as we’ve lived here for 2 1/2 years and it’s only started doing it in the last few months. I find it irritating but as someone who grew up with cats accept its par for the course.

Anyway my DH has become obsessed with stopping this cat from pooing in the garden. He stares at the garden waiting for the cat to make an appearance so he can run out and chase it off. He’s bought a high pitched cat deterrent thing and sprayed lemon juice on the grass, neither of which work. I caught him hammering nails into the fence the other day so the cat would injure itself when jumping up which I made him take down. He’s made himself late for work waiting for the cat so be can scare it. He talks about it every day, calls me from work to ask for updates on the cat (I’m in Mat leave).

It sounds ridiculous but his obsession with this cat is really getting me down. He is otherwise a wonderful husband and father. But I hate this nasty streak he’s showing. The glee on his face when he terrifies this poor cat is unpleasant. He’s even talked jokingly about how he’d love it to accidentally get run over by a car.

I’ve tried talking to him about it but he says he doesn’t want poo in the garden for the DC to potentially step in which I understand but this behaviour still isn’t normal surely?

AIBU to be annoyed by his behaviour? What do I do?!

OP posts:
MrMeSeeks · 03/10/2018 23:05

don't really know what the answer is but I do think it's a bit off all these cat owners just denying that cats shit on lawns, that it stinks, that anyone other than a sociopath might find it grim to have to deal with it all the time. What about at least acknowledging that your lifestyle choice is having a negative impact on other people and maybe trying to help with a solution?
I have sympathy for however I think anyone threatening to harm a living creature has problems.

overnightangel · 03/10/2018 23:32

If he’s acting like a sadistic irrationally obsessed victor meldrew at 29 years old I’d be worried!

overnightangel · 03/10/2018 23:34

If the worst thing a cat does is shit on a lawn I’d be thankful.
Don’t often read many stories of out of control cats mauling and disfiguring children, statistics show what the safer pet to have is between cats and dogs.

BackToTheFuschia7 · 04/10/2018 01:41

I am wondering if he has some form of obsessive compulsive disorder? Any other obsessions / difficulties in other areas?

No. As if OCD wasn’t already stigmatised and misunderstood enough! People with OCD obsess about keeping themselves and others safe from harm, not ways to inflict it. This man sounds like a sadist, nothing like someone suffering from OCD.

LittleMissFrumpy · 04/10/2018 02:02

I love the idea of a cat being too scared to come into your garden because it truly believes that a lion lives there 😭

LadyOfTheCanyon · 04/10/2018 08:19

I have a cat and as far as I know he shits in my neighbour's gardens. Their cats ( and a load of foxes) reciprocally shit in my garden.

Swings and roundabouts, innit.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 04/10/2018 08:35

Blimey, this thread has it all. Cat shit, animal lovers, cat haters, invasive species, lion poo and now mention of American serial killers Confused

FWIW I have dogs and it doesn't stop three of the neighbourhood cats from loitering in my garden and taking a dump where they fancy. Annoying, but there's worse things in life to get excited about. Ironically the dogs are terrified of the cats as they are hard-ass mofos Grin

I also have a wrecked lawn from the family of (grey) squirrels which live in the garden. Not a single flower pot, bed, or patch has been left unmolested. Again, annoying but there's better things to get pissed off by. Besides, they are incredibly entertaining to watch - when it's a nice evening the whole family comes out and plays 'tig'!

zippey · 04/10/2018 08:53

Have you spoken to the owner of the cat? Tell them to keep it indoors or make provisions so it doesn’t stray.

Just to recap - the day is the perpetrator and your dh and garden are the victims. It’d be the same if your neighbor started having a shit in your garden (and failed to remove it). Why should other animals have to live to a different standard?

zippey · 04/10/2018 08:54

Day = cat

BackToTheFuschia7 · 04/10/2018 10:38

the day is the perpetrator and your dh and garden are the victims

I’ve heard it all now Hmm

Dobbythesockelf · 04/10/2018 11:05

It's a cat.... It's not like it's doing it on purpose to piss someone off. What about foxes, rats birds etc they all shit and piss in people's gardens should they know better to? Cats are really hard to train, I'm not just saying that cause I CBA to train a cat. I have worked in cat rescues since I was 15, you can train them to use a litter tray to an extent but if they decide not to use it they just won't. It's also really hard to keep a cat inside if they are used to going outside. My cat has a habit of dirty protesting if I have to keep her in for whatever reason, and then try to escape at the earliest opportunity.

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/10/2018 11:23

Have you spoken to the owner of the cat? Tell them to keep it indoors or make provisions so it doesn’t stray.

Just to recap - the day is the perpetrator and your dh and garden are the victims. It’d be the same if your neighbor started having a shit in your garden (and failed to remove it). Why should other animals have to live to a different standard*

What do you do if a bird shits on your car or a fox walks across your garden?

What people are missing is that the ops dh even when nothing is happening is spending hours each day obsessing about a cat.

How does op train her dh not to be an obsessive over something and why now has he become malicious towards animals.

Even if the ndn moved tomorrow the dh would replace one obsession with another.

The cat I believe is just the catalyst

overnightangel · 04/10/2018 11:29

Agreed @oliversmumsarmy, if it wasn’t the cat the weirdness would manifest itself another way

MardyMavis · 04/10/2018 11:38

Run for the fucking hills..you do know next will be dressing up as a cat and shitting in next doors garden as payback and pissing up the front door get rid.

overnightangel · 04/10/2018 16:23

Never ceases to amaze me how some women try and justify nut job behaviour by their partners

Original poster
Crazycatmanhelp · 04/10/2018 16:28

Hello, OP here.

Well DH aka Victor aka John Wayne Gacy and I had a good long chat about the cat obsession. He really seemed to realise he was being a prick and has promised to tone it down considerably. In fact he’s not mentioned the cat in nearly 48 hours which I consider a win.

He was most excited by the super soaker that arrived in the post yesterday although typically the cat hasn’t made an appearance for a couple of days now.

If he turns out to be a serial killer I will be sure to update the thread.

OP posts:
BackToTheFuschia7 · 04/10/2018 16:52

Is he going to take the nails out the fence now then?

BackToTheFuschia7 · 04/10/2018 16:53

Sorry, just realised you already made him do that.

zippey · 04/10/2018 19:19

Dobby - you say the cat isn’t doing it on purpose, then you say your cat has a habit of dirty protesting. Surely then it’s on purpose?!

And if the cat can’t be trained then it needs to be rehomed or put down.

The super soaker seems like a good idea. Maybe you could install cctv to learn of the extent of the problem. You can get ip cctv which allows you to monitor your things away from home ie at work and can alert you when there’s any movement.

Dobbythesockelf · 04/10/2018 20:20

It pees on towels cause it cant get outside and its fussy about its litter tray. Do you honestly think it's looking at their garden and thinking "I'll shit on their lawn that will piss them off" or do you think it's either marking it's territory or just going to the toilet. It's a cat, it's following it's basic instinct. My cat isn't really dirty protesting it was tongue in cheek.
Cats aren't people or dogs they are not as easily trained. If you honestly think that a cat showing natural behaviour should be put down I hope you don't have one.

MrsKnickers12 · 04/10/2018 20:38

Oh I think he is certainly being OTT, but if everything else with him is rosy then I think you should overlook this.

It is a strange thing, but sometimes things which can appear trivial to one person can manifest itself as something another may be completely consumed with.

It will pass, hopefully the cat will stop coming into your garden.

MrMeSeeks · 04/10/2018 20:40

And if the cat can’t be trained then it needs to be rehomed or put down.
No wonder so many animals are put in rescues Hmm

catpooproblems · 04/10/2018 20:43

Uhhhhm hello.

Please see my username

overnightangel · 05/10/2018 08:59

@zippey
“And if the cat can’t be trained then it needs to be rehomed or put down.”

Well dont you sound like a delightful person.
Nob

WomblesAreCommon · 07/10/2018 20:09

Our NDN developed an obsession with our cat and objected to him even sitting in her garden. Used to put angry notes through our door. Letting agent had to go round and speak to her after she trespassed into our garden and shouted at us.

I found it really upsetting and stressful that someone wanted to physically harm my pet and would have loved to have nothing better to worry about than someone else’s cat (someone close to me was dying at the time).

I haven’t RTFT so don’t know if this has been mentioned at all but as the neighbour in this situation I found it really upsetting.