To ask if you would bail your kids out financially

[harrietthehare]

My adult step son has mounting debts and struggling to pay them off. He does work but not in a very well paid job.

His debt is all of his own fault i.e living above his means, He does not live with us but is now being threatened with debt collectors.

He is very upset and crying all the time and has sunk into a depression. He has taken some time off work and we are worried he will end up losing his job altogether.

Should his dad (my DH) and I bail him out? He would need about £7k to clear his debt. We have money in our savings account and can afford it.

No way would I pay this.

The fact that he’s asked you for help instead of going down the DMP route indicates to me he is expecting another consequence free bailout.

What on earth is he doing getting loans and debt when he’s already declared bankruptcy once, and has an unstable low paid job?

I’d sit down with him (over Skype if he’s far away) and go through every debt, and then work out the best route.

If he liked the good life, I wouldn’t see if he’s spending it on coke (very prevalent amongst ski culture)

Men like this annoy me so much. He’s not had to grow up because everyone makes allowances for him. People with learning disabilities can get by on a strict budget with support, your son has no excuse if he’s been to uni.

If he’s feeling low, get him to access support. Make him take fond responsibility for his own goddamn life

No I wouldn't.

Instead I'd work with them to come up with a manageable actionable plan for them to bring themselves out of debt over the long term.

Clearing 7k will be hard work but not impossible, and I do think he needs to understand the consequences of debt and the compromises needed of him to clear it.

Rather he learns this now that gets into trouble even deeper later in life.

I'm not saying make it solely his problem, as he clearly needs your help and support, but there are better ways to provide it than financially.

Don't bail him out again.
But!
Help him out with support instead. Point him to Money Advice service and even go with him if he wants to. Offer a shoulder, but do not offer money.
If it were through no fault of his own it would be different, but this is his problem because he was being irresponsible. Again.
Good luck OP!

Take him to debt counselling and the doctor. He needs to be able to survive as an adult.