Sat in toilets crying- what should I do?

[mimilake]

Okay I know I'm being a baby but I've got incredibly low self-esteem and it took a lot of effort to get out of the house let alone apply to a masters course in Med Sci.

Last week was intro week, unfortunately I was recovering from an appendectomy so was unable to attend. Uni was great about it and told me to get better. Luckily I felt 100% better in time for the first lecture. I was told to go to reception at 10:30 today to go over what was covered last week (missed 3 events). Then attend a lecture at 11.

So i arrived at 10:25. Literally had to wait 20 mins to talk to someone only to get directed somewhere else. At this point I make the decision to go to the lecture and come back later. I run this past a staff member and they recommend I do this.

I was given a preliminary timetable last week so head off to the lecture theatre as I would like to have plenty of time to intro myself to coursemates.

I find my room, sit down and make small talk with the guy next to me. It transpires I'm in the wrong place. There has been a room change. Its now 11:20 as the lecturer started late. I go back to reception and they eventually tell me where the lecture is. The man I spoke to practically threw some textbooks at me and tells me to go to the lecture and enrol after. I had no chance to ask him any q's

I start running to the new place but chicken out as I cant face walking into the room 1 hr late.

I find the closest toilets and just burst into tears. This is not what I wanted to have happen. I have social anxiety and thos is the worse thing that could happen. I have no idea where to enrol and the stress is debilitating.

Oh no, it'll be ok.

Don't give up - go and keep asking until you know what you need to do next and who you can speak to to sort this out. Just don't give up.

Anxiety shrinks our worlds, don't let it. You may feel out of your comfort zone, but that's ok. Go through the motions of getting what needs doing done, try not to analyse it too much, just do it. It will all be over and you can start afresh.

Don't let your anxiety stop you. Don't let it rob your life.

You've got this!!

Hugs 🤗💐

Well done. You get through the day. I'm quite a tough old bird now but even that would have made me wobble. Email lecturer and explain the mix up perhaps they will send u the overheads and direct u to reading u need

I always recommend "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway". A great self-help classic.

M3Ion that is a lovely thing to have done, checking for any students upset in the loo! What a gorgeous thread this is, so supportive and kind. Made me well up just a bit. This is when social media is at its best, you hear so many awful things but this is just super.

Well done OP! I started my PhD last week and it's all been very scary and intimidating. I cried because I couldn't work out how to get the online form to work, and then when I showed the guy in the graduate office, it miraculously started working
I also have to do a six hour health and safety course next week, and have a meeting with my supervisor and somehow tell him all about my history of agoraphobia and panic disorder.
I completely understand how you feel, so well done for leaving the cubicle!

Blimey. They're not making this easy are they!?

But you're doing it anyway!

Well done

So after enrolling online, I went back to student services who told me I was in the wrong place (I'm seeing the funny side now)! At this point I was making my dad wait, feeling guilty I resolved to go back tomorrow 2 hours before the lecture.

Well done OP!

When you get to know people and make new friends on this course, you will hear all their tales and difficulties regarding getting to grips with their new course.

Well done OP. If it makes you feel any better I work at a uni and most people seem to be lost / late / confused at this time of year. Last week one guy wandered into my lecture 45 minutes in, walked about a bit and then left! You will soon find your way around. But don't worry, most people feel anxious before lectures and that includes the staff!

For what its worth mimilake, I don't have any anxiety and see myself as quite an easy going, confident person, but I wouldn't have walked into a lecture an hour late and all that messing about this morning would have thrown me too! So I don't think its any reflection on you.

One day of lectures is not important in the grand scheme of things, the lecturers will be able to send the lecture, or direct you to the online notes.

Chin up!

This is a more general replay, given that I'm a lecturer having to cope with similar issues at the moment.

1. With visa problems etc, having students starting a week late is nothing unusual. As long as we know, we cope, manage to sort something out.

2. My uni at least has lecture materials online, websites etc, so just because you missed a lecture, all is not missed. Your uni might have podcasts of lectures as well, so you can listen again at home. Even if not, lecturers should be able to provide you with some materials since you missed for a legitimate reason.

3. Make sure that you have gone through the disability support service or whatever it is called at your uni. So, for example, ours can help students be properly assessed for dyslexia etc, and then adjustments made (for example, request that such students get early access to lecture notes and extra time in exams).

4. Don't get too worried by all the students acting as if they know everything now! They were wandering about like lost sheep last week, you know.

5. Most lecturers/support staff are fine about things, and used to doing all this, but they can't do anything unless you ASK them. Email/in person at the end of a lecture. Frankly, we are usually more than glad to have someone who WANTS to learn and wants to go through what they missed, compared with someone who just assumes they can carry on without catching up.

6. Masters courses are SCARY because unlike undergrads, the first week is a very steep learning curve (because we assume you have been undergraduates so know SOME of this). But when you add in students coming from overseas, in an unfamiliar language, strange city, new accommodation etc etc, then it can be quite scary. Add in the typical maybe I've already reaching my ceiling and although I was a SMART undergrad, this is all beyond me and worries abound. To be frank, I'm MORE concerned by those who assume it is all fine and okay, than the worriers, because this is post-grad study, and it is HARDER, and supposed to be harder. Those who think it isn't harder have usually missed something.

Thanks for all the messages of support, everyone has been so kind. I do feel like an idiot and keep replaying everything in my mind but at least I'm not hysterical!

I think I'm going to ask my dad to take me back to campus (just had lunch). I want to get my id card so I can log onto the uni's portal and get my tailored timetable (see if there are any room changes for tomorrow).

*late lunch/early dinner

You've come through this day so well, mimi and well done you for going back to campus too! You really are a .

Try to replace the re-runs in your mind by humming a happy song you like in your head. This is where an MP3 player might be useful in future.

Well done Mimi. I was rooting for you.
Did you tell your dad any of this? No need to be holding everything inside and parents like to feel needed.

Best of luck with your masters, less than 8% of people in the UK have one. Go you.

Well done, you've made progress finding out info when the system is confused & have a plan for tomorrow.
I would find out who your personal tutor is. If you're on MMedSci they will be medical/nursing and should be very understanding if you feel able to tell them it's been a rough start.

Glad all is well. Day one done!

Have a look at the TED talk, I'm not sure what it's called but google TED talk 'fake it til you become it'. It's a great TEDtalk and I think you'll find it helpful.

Most of us are winging it. Try it.

AhhhhThatsBass No I lied and told him it went well :(. Felt awful lying to him but I keep these sorts of things very much to myself. I just don't want to cause him any concern (part of the problem I know).

I keep thinking if I can't deal with his then I won't be able to deal with the workplace

Work will be completely different, once you are over the initial three months you will do pretty much the same thing every day and becworking with the same people every day.

Of course your first lecture on a masters course is intimidating! I’m a doctor, I already have one MSc and a phd, and I STILL found the first day of my MA intimidating! It was all new and I didn’t know anybody, didn’t know what the lecturer was talking about and didn’t know what to do. Totally normal.

when things go tits up I literally cannot cope
well, OP, I’ve read the whole thread and I see you can and have coped. Not an easy day and a struggle I know, but you’ve found a solution - you’ve coped. That’s what anxiety does; it stops us making an accurate assessment of our ability to cope and in social anxiety our thoughts become self focussed, constantly analysing whether we are weird or inappropriate and overestimating the judgement we’ll get from others. It is debilitating but there is help available if you find this is getting in your way. Universities often have very good CBT provision so it’s work asking for some support if you feel you need it. But today doesn’t demonstrate your negatives, it demonstrates taking a pragmatic line and accepting that balls ups do happen. And tomorrow is another day. There are some really great perspectives and some great advice from PP here - we are all just muddling through life, trying to find our way!

You know, you sound a lot like me...and..I’m autistic. Social anxiety, clever but struggle to cope with new stuff and changes. Acting your way through life...has it ever been suggested to you?

Well done for getting through today! Hope tomorrow is better with less surprises.

@mimilake well done on a trying day. Don't blame you at all for keeping it from your Dad for now. Maybe over Christmas and wearing silly paper hats you can tell him that you actually had a bit of a mare on that day but pulled yourself through it.
Be proud of yourself.
As pp has referred to, more people fake it than you actually realise.

M3lon that was so kind of you, I hope there is someone like you around for my daughter, now in her second week of her MA in a place new to her.
mimilake Congratulations on getting through yesterday, you survived and hopefully, today will be better for you!

How are you doing today, Mimilake? I hope you are now enrolled and enjoying your first lectures.

Hi everyone, I selected my modules last night which means I now have no lectures on Tuesdays (will have a seminar from next week). It's weird yesterday I would've killed for a day off but not being able to "tackle" things is a tiny bit unsettling. But I'm keeping myself occupied by doing a few chores and will walk the dog in a bit.

24 hours ago I was hiding in a toilet cubicle. I really want to thank every single poster for your encouraging words, you guys really coaxed me out of there. (I really planned to stay in there until 2).