Sat in toilets crying- what should I do?

[mimilake]

Okay I know I'm being a baby but I've got incredibly low self-esteem and it took a lot of effort to get out of the house let alone apply to a masters course in Med Sci.

Last week was intro week, unfortunately I was recovering from an appendectomy so was unable to attend. Uni was great about it and told me to get better. Luckily I felt 100% better in time for the first lecture. I was told to go to reception at 10:30 today to go over what was covered last week (missed 3 events). Then attend a lecture at 11.

So i arrived at 10:25. Literally had to wait 20 mins to talk to someone only to get directed somewhere else. At this point I make the decision to go to the lecture and come back later. I run this past a staff member and they recommend I do this.

I was given a preliminary timetable last week so head off to the lecture theatre as I would like to have plenty of time to intro myself to coursemates.

I find my room, sit down and make small talk with the guy next to me. It transpires I'm in the wrong place. There has been a room change. Its now 11:20 as the lecturer started late. I go back to reception and they eventually tell me where the lecture is. The man I spoke to practically threw some textbooks at me and tells me to go to the lecture and enrol after. I had no chance to ask him any q's

I start running to the new place but chicken out as I cant face walking into the room 1 hr late.

I find the closest toilets and just burst into tears. This is not what I wanted to have happen. I have social anxiety and thos is the worse thing that could happen. I have no idea where to enrol and the stress is debilitating.

would leave but my eyes are bloodshot and I'm fearful people will notice. I have issues. I know most people don't care

Go to reception. Mention your eyes as an icebreaker "Oooh, someone sprayed a lot of perfume before I went into the bathroom. It's really irritated my eyes. Could you help me sort out this timetable, please?"

I almost chickened out of coming today and I wish I had

But you didn't chicken out. That's bravery. Be brave again. Finish the job. In just over an hour, you will be with your Dad.

Go for it OP!

Oh love. I like the suggestion of reframing it as a scenario in a sitcom, really helps me (anxious perfectionist here too). Tell your dad, write a funny Fb post or whatever to share with trusted people. Have a lovely lunch, if you don't have more classes this afternoon and this evening if you do.

Op, I totally get the anxiety. This week has been the start of my undergrad degree and I'm so unbelievably anxious all the time. Not helped but the fact that in my core group of only 18! There are some real mean girl types. They've all obviously banded together and I feel so incredibly alone as I'm the only mature (40) person. I have no freinds and in all honesty I don't think it's going to happen this year.

I just keep telling myself I'm not there to make friends. I'm there for an education... I'm hoping it starts to help at some point...

Sorry for the poor me pity post, I just wanted to let you know that many people are probably feeling like rubbish, just starting uni or going back.

Chin up op, things WILL get better!

Apologies if that sounded uncaring btw. I’m just not sure if handholding and ‘there there’ right now is gonna help you much. Nothing horrific has happened, you’re going to be fine. You’re about to start an MA which might open so many doors to a fulfilling lucrative career for the rest of your life, you’ve been able to get accepted and fund it one way or another, you’re very lucky and in a brilliant position. Enough of the melodrama, you’ve had enough time to sit and cry (which can be good for us) but now it’s time to get up, pull your big girl pants up and go and figure out your timetable like the mature student you are.

Missing 1 lecture at the beginning of term is nothing. Do what you need to do, say there was a mix up to the lecturer and move on.
Lecturers only get really annoyed if you only turn up a handful of times in a year, then try and blame them for getting lousy marks.

In future, carry an MP3 with reassuring CBT and relaxation stuff. Listen to it when you get upset. It will always be there for you.

My eyes are bloodshot because I've got a rotten cold. Claim the same, if need be.

Also, re workplace worries: I want to say that I am an employer, we have employees with various anxieties/mental health issues (including me, in fact). We do all we can to help, we make allowances, we appreciate our staff for what they can contribute. The world is not hostile. Most people will help you given the chance. x

Tell people you're struggling, including your dad. Get them to support (but not enable you) and you'll find people will help and be understanding. Even if they are mean, it doesn't really matter, all that matters is what you say to yourself in your head. If your head is full of negativity, will send your cortisol sky high and your rational brain won't work, so be compassionate.

Is your Dad the supportive type? Mine is and when uni mucked me about he went in and gave them merry hell on my behalf as I was too anxious to. Could he help you with this? He's obviously proud of you from what you've said.

You said you act through life. I do too. Can you act as a really assertive person for just a short while? Remember, however you're financing this, you're paying them for this. You need the right info to enable you to be one of their success stories. Ask for the person you've been speaking with. If you can speak to them, please explain your difficulties, they will support you and can point you to the right points of contact in the uni to give you extra support.

Good luck OP. You sound so much like me. But youve not caused any major damage, just stay calm, go and enrol now and get all the info you need to feel confident you'll go to the right place next time.

Ffs! *friends! I can spell!

Splash cold water on your face and go for a walk outside, your eyes will soon look better.

Right.

Your dad is picking you up at 2pm. So you want to be able to have it resolved by then, so that you can go out and have lunch on a positive note.

So - go back to the desk ay 1pm (in 10 minutes).
Get enrolled, get your timetable. Find out who you need to speak to about catch-up notes today.

If you need a 'cover story' for today and not being in the lecture, please say that you felt ill (because you are not fully recovered from your appendectomy) and so you needed to go to the toilets.

Go to the desk now, and get it done before 2pm. It's going to be fine, I promise you. Once you've got it done, have a cup of tea in the canteen.

Everyone has hidden in the toilets at one point in their life.

Great Gatsby thats a good book and I could happily lock myself away and read that.

How far have you got?

Have they got to New York yet?

How about finish this chapter and then go for it in the spirit of Jay

There's a lot of us in this cubicle, btw. :)

Go and grab a coffee and register before it gets super busy. Afterwards go and see someone about getting an updated timetable as yours is incorrect. Send the lecturer you were supposed to see today an email to explain the mix up. We all have bad days and I wouldn't have walked into that lecture theatre an hour late either.

Go to reception now. What’s the worst that can happen? Good idea to grab lecture notes at the end of the session if you can face that too. Otherwise ask reception to provide all notes.

I would leave but my eyes are bloodshot and I'm fearful people will notice. I have issues. I know most people don't care.

I'm reading great gatsby in a toilet cubicle and I know this is not normal. Thank you guys for saying I'm not pathetic but it def feels that way.

Trust me, nobody will care. Nobody is as focused on you as you are. It’s liberating once you realise that. If it makes you feel better claim an allergy. You’re really going to hide until your eyes stop being bloodshot? Could take ages.

You’re right, it’s not normal to be in the toilets crying for hours due to getting the wrong lecture theatre, I mean that to validate you not to be mean, you’re right. Maybe you should google the uni’s therapy department while you’re in there and see if you can get some help? There’s no reason your MA should be ruined by having anxiety issues, millions of people have anxiety and there are effective ways to deal with it.

Mimi I also have social anxiety. I completely understand the horror of your day. I have also spent many times recovering in toilets.
You are not alone.

The bloodshot eyes will only add to your 'not quite well enough to be here today' vibe, so go now and there's your cover story.

Please give yourself 5 minutes to splash water on your face and then leave the bathroom and go back to the desk.

They're there to help. Once you've sorted it out, the day will no longer be ruined.

Come on, OP. We're all cheering you on.

When I started Uni as a mature student, there were lots of room changes etc. People feeling new and lost.
I met another mature student, who said,” right, if I can’t find this next room, I’m giving up. I’m going home.
Not for today. For good”

She was an extremely competent woman in her thirties, who did stay, got a first and became a scientific researcher.

So you’re not alone.

It does get better, promise.

You need to cut yourself some slack OP. And know you are not alone. A lot of people would not be able to walk in half way through a lecture, especially not knowing anyone on the other side of the door. I know j wouldn't.

Also, as has been said, you have just been really ill. They know that and should be helping you. I had weeks off in my 3rd year of a 4 year course after major surgery. Of course, it was different as I was already known to everyone at the time I got ill, but on my return, the staff bent over backwards to help me do my work and catch up on what I had missed. I am sure these people will do the same for you.

If you need an excuse (I don't think you do, it was their fault they did not turn up for 20 minutes and then misdirected you to the wrong room) but if you feel out on the spot and don't want to say you couldn't walk in to the lecture late, say you felt ill and let them know you are still very much recovering from your operation. It wouldn't be unreasonable. My dh had his appendix out a few years back and took weeks to recover fully.

Good luck going onwards.

OP - don't forget student support dept. if you need a hand with getting everything sorted out. It's a minefield at first for everyone, and they will be quite used to lending a hand where necessary. They will find it completely understandable that someone who has had recent surgery and has anxiety might need a bit of help. Good luck - brave of you to get there, and just as brave to ask for some help if you would like it.

You have great advice here & lots of us wanting you to leave the cubicle!

You've had a rough first day & we've all been there. Use the time during this lecture to do the to do list that PPs have posted, that means by tomorrow you'll be caught up.

Still go for lunch! Celebrate that your medical treatment is completed & you have done the Uni stuff that the others did in your absence

Okay I have promised myself I will leave here by 1. I'll then go and get a coffee. Make my way to reception by 2 (now other side of v.large campus). I wish I could be transparent but I know I will lie and say that I went to the lecture (cant face speaking to the guy and him thinking im weird). Ask for info on how to enrol/get id card. Meet dad at 2:30 (just texted him).

Good stuff, mimi. Don't be hard on yourself. A few slow, long breaths, in through your nose, out through your mouth. x