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Original poster

Sat in toilets crying- what should I do?

164 replies

mimilake · 01/10/2018 11:51

Okay I know I'm being a baby but I've got incredibly low self-esteem and it took a lot of effort to get out of the house let alone apply to a masters course in Med Sci.

Last week was intro week, unfortunately I was recovering from an appendectomy so was unable to attend. Uni was great about it and told me to get better. Luckily I felt 100% better in time for the first lecture. I was told to go to reception at 10:30 today to go over what was covered last week (missed 3 events). Then attend a lecture at 11.

So i arrived at 10:25. Literally had to wait 20 mins to talk to someone only to get directed somewhere else. At this point I make the decision to go to the lecture and come back later. I run this past a staff member and they recommend I do this.

I was given a preliminary timetable last week so head off to the lecture theatre as I would like to have plenty of time to intro myself to coursemates.

I find my room, sit down and make small talk with the guy next to me. It transpires I'm in the wrong place. There has been a room change. Its now 11:20 as the lecturer started late. I go back to reception and they eventually tell me where the lecture is. The man I spoke to practically threw some textbooks at me and tells me to go to the lecture and enrol after. I had no chance to ask him any q's

I start running to the new place but chicken out as I cant face walking into the room 1 hr late.

I find the closest toilets and just burst into tears. This is not what I wanted to have happen. I have social anxiety and thos is the worse thing that could happen. I have no idea where to enrol and the stress is debilitating.

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 01/10/2018 13:01

That's a fine plan. Go do it!!

seventhgonickname · 01/10/2018 13:01

But you didn't chicken out did you!
So dry your eyes,splash cold water on your face.
Go to reception and ask them to help.If you have time (and feel able)try to see the lecturer at the end at 2pm.
You've had a rough start and probably have less resilience after your illness,most of us wouldn't be back at work yet after that so don't be down on yourself.
We have your back.

seventhgonickname · 01/10/2018 13:03

Cross posted,that sounds like a good plan.

Blackoutblinds · 01/10/2018 13:05

Yay.

Vallahalagonebutnotforgotten · 01/10/2018 13:06

Yay Go Girl Grin See you can do anything

Original poster
mimilake · 01/10/2018 13:07

Ì'll leave a 1:10 when there are less people walking between lectures (i assume). No backing down now. Ive sworn on my dog's life (weird again).

OP posts:
Becca19962014 · 01/10/2018 13:08

Everyone and I mean everyone will be feeling the same way you are. You don't think that's true, I know, because I've been where you are, but it is.

You need to accept its been a shitty start to the course, because it has, get yourself registered and a timetable ready to face tomorrow. Honestly everyone struggles the first couple of weeks. Those confident looking people? Yeh them too.

Missing induction week can feel much harder than it actually is, because you mistakenly feel like everyone must know everyone else. Some courses start lectures early, our masters always started before term as we had assignments due end of every week and we needed to give people as much of a chance to pass as we could. Some turned up first day of term because they didn't want to do the socialising thing, some for reasons like yours. It happens.

Most people on my masters I didn't get to know until end of term because we were that busy. I learnt others thought I was super confident and knew everything (nope and nope) and I thought others were coping fine when they weren't, there were people going through horrendous things that they would hide by either missing lectures or, yes, hiding in the toilets.

Basically everyone struggles with these things, even those you don't think do.

You went today. You didn't not turn up. That's fantastic and you should acknowledge that!!

akerman · 01/10/2018 13:08

Hi mimi,
I teach in a university and at the moment things are quite disrupted by the timetables systems not working very well. We are very upset about the effect this will be having on students. Clearly we aren't the only ones experiencing these sorts of problems. There will be loads and loads of students feeling exactly the same way that you are. You might do well to try and find out who your personal tutor is, and try to pin him/ her down, and get some help there. Very good luck - don't let one bad morning put you off too much (I say this as one who has also spent a LOT of time hiding in toilets . . . ).

Becca19962014 · 01/10/2018 13:09

Massive x-post!

BastardGoDarkly · 01/10/2018 13:10

Off you go op!!! The dogs counting on you!!

akerman · 01/10/2018 13:12

Oh - and students cry in my office all the time. I'm always just sorry that they are feeling rotten, and I want to do what I can to help. I don't know of any of my colleagues who would react differently. I never, ever think they are weird or weak. (I've been known to cry in my office too.)

NoSquirrels · 01/10/2018 13:14

Right. Hope not to hear from you till you have a coffee and are waiting in line at the desk.

Original poster
mimilake · 01/10/2018 13:14

Im out. Standing in queue for coffee and muffin

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 01/10/2018 13:15

X-post. Good job, mimi. Blueberry or chocolate?

RainbowsArePretty · 01/10/2018 13:15

Ps I have anxiety & understand that sometimes things are just too much

Peachpebbles · 01/10/2018 13:16

Well done! You've done the hardest part already!

RainbowsArePretty · 01/10/2018 13:17

Just x posted.

Please don't lie! Say that you didn't want to interrupt by being so late. There is no embarrassment in saying that

BackToTheFuschia7 · 01/10/2018 13:17

Hope you’re on your way to get a coffee now Brew

Please don’t worry about what other people think, they’ll be too wrapped up in themselves to even notice. The man on reception won’t even remember what time your lecture was meant to finish if you’d like to get your registration sorted earlier. You won’t be in trouble - it’s your own look out if you miss lectures, not like at school. Just be kind to yourself for today and best of luck for tomorrow Smile

BastardGoDarkly · 01/10/2018 13:17

Was going to suggest staying on here. My phone has saved me from many an anxious playground wait!

You're doing great. BrewCake

RainbowsArePretty · 01/10/2018 13:18

Yay! SmileStarBrew You deserve a muffin Cake

ACavalo · 01/10/2018 13:18

Just another person here chipping in to say you can do this. Have a virtual hand squeeze and order dessert and a glass of wine for getting through a tough first day. Tomorrow will be easier.

spiderlight · 01/10/2018 13:21

Well done! Hope it's a good muffin.

FaithInfinity · 01/10/2018 13:21

I feel for you, mimi. I’m very similar. Intelligent but struggle socially. You’ve done so well to get on the course and get there, especially after having your appendix out!

Could you find out where your department is, just pitch up and ask them to help you?

INeedNewShoes · 01/10/2018 13:22

Well done for leaving the toilet cubicle!

I know I would have found your morning extremely stressful and at 23 I would have ended up in tears as well. However I hate public toilets so I'd have chosen a better hiding place Wink

Onwards and upwards. Make sure they are absolutely clear on timings for tomorrow. If it were me I'd seek out today's lecturer and explain that you were misinformed re lecture venue and that you're upset to have had such a terrible start.

Orchiddingme · 01/10/2018 13:22

Do you have a personal tutor? Or a student support service? If so, don't be afraid to use them, they are there to help, I don't mind nervous or upset students coming to me for a bit of reinforcement. If your social anxiety is diagnosed by a dr (that's the criteria where I work anyway), then it may be you can also get further support from disability services which would allow any issues like suddenly needing to leave the room to be flagged up. Again, I don't mind if students do this, although they hardly ever do, I think it's a protective feeling knowing you can.

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