Sat in toilets crying- what should I do?

[mimilake]

Okay I know I'm being a baby but I've got incredibly low self-esteem and it took a lot of effort to get out of the house let alone apply to a masters course in Med Sci.

Last week was intro week, unfortunately I was recovering from an appendectomy so was unable to attend. Uni was great about it and told me to get better. Luckily I felt 100% better in time for the first lecture. I was told to go to reception at 10:30 today to go over what was covered last week (missed 3 events). Then attend a lecture at 11.

So i arrived at 10:25. Literally had to wait 20 mins to talk to someone only to get directed somewhere else. At this point I make the decision to go to the lecture and come back later. I run this past a staff member and they recommend I do this.

I was given a preliminary timetable last week so head off to the lecture theatre as I would like to have plenty of time to intro myself to coursemates.

I find my room, sit down and make small talk with the guy next to me. It transpires I'm in the wrong place. There has been a room change. Its now 11:20 as the lecturer started late. I go back to reception and they eventually tell me where the lecture is. The man I spoke to practically threw some textbooks at me and tells me to go to the lecture and enrol after. I had no chance to ask him any q's

I start running to the new place but chicken out as I cant face walking into the room 1 hr late.

I find the closest toilets and just burst into tears. This is not what I wanted to have happen. I have social anxiety and thos is the worse thing that could happen. I have no idea where to enrol and the stress is debilitating.

Lots of love. You are not pathetic - one think that I have learned over the years is that a very large number of awesome, professional women cry in the toilets on occasion. If I ever have my own business I will have a dedicated crying room for staff with sofas and fancy tissues. Not that I will be a tyrant you understand - I just think it's something that happens to the best of us and we shouldn't be embarrassed. Be nice to yourself. Get some tea and read a book for a bit and carry on when you're ready xxx

Deep breaths, blow your nose, fix your make up, hold your head up, you can do this. You will be far from the only one feeling like this. Go for it and good luck ahead !

It's just one lecture though, that's nothing in the big scheme of things. It's not going to impact on the whole course, honestly. Start by enrolling and you'll feel better for doing something. Get yourself a nice treat-y lunch as well.

There is nothing else on today.

Dad said he would pick me up at 2 in order to grab lunch and celebrate.

I know I won't be able to tell him what happened.

Thanks guys. The fact that I can't even bring myself to leave this cubicle is really upsetting.

Im going to go back to reception at 2:10.

I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I am smart (really not trying to brag) but was is the point if I can't handle these (social) situations

You must be smart to be on this course, that's a given.

You can get more practised at these social situations.

You could practice scenarios with your therapist.

Are you a bit of a perfectionist, OP? Try not to be so hard on yourself.

Dad said he would pick me up at 2 in order to grab lunch and celebrate.
I know I won't be able to tell him what happened

Sounds like you have a lovely, involved and caring Dad.

Why not share with him? Holding all this inside could be part of the problem?

How about you try re-framing the whole episode into a jokey sitcom sort of scenario? Take it lightly and see it for what it really is - a simple mistake and because you were so excited about your course, you let it loom larger than it really should have.

You would be amazed if you knew how many of the others on the course probably had their stomachs in nervous knots today.

Now, you can laugh about it and enjoy a great lunch.

Enrolment week is often chaos. My DH is a lecturer and he's come home every day since the students arrived with another string of administrative cock-ups that he's had to deal with, students with the wrong timetables, incorrect seminar groups and all sorts. You won't be the only one who was misdirected and if your uni does the same as my DH's, the lecture will have been videoed and put online so you'll be able to watch it at home later.

I have terrible anxiety and this would have upset me as well, but once you're into the swing of things it truly, honestly won't matter or be remembered by anyone else. None of it's your fault. Go back and enrol, ask whether the lectures are filmed and then take a deep breath and start again tomorrow

OP please don't think you are pathetic at all .I am one tough nut who can cope with most situations but I have been known to have a complete meltdown and need to hide myself away and just have that breathing space. It certainly does not make you pathetic it makes you human .Deep breath,Tell yourself I can do this and have lunch with your dad and enroll again. You would probably be shocked if you knew how many people are probably feeling as nervous as you this week just some people hide it well. Good luck you will get there.

It sounds like you need some sort of resolution before you leave today. Then you'll be able to write this day off and start again tomorrow. Go back to the office and get the other bits sorted before your Dad comes.

Dont wait til 2. Gather your strength and go there as soon as you feel able. The reception are there to help you not test you. Write off this lecture and get the notes online and just get yourself enrolled and explain you're recovering from surgery etc. Then go get some lunch with your Dad and put a line under the day and start again tomorrow. Try (hard I know) not to stress about this. Dont analyse or replay it just let it go and move on. You can do this. There are many many people out there who are not as brave as you are. You have got this far and today is just one of those clusterfuck days that everyone gets sometimes. Dust yourself down and get out there girl.

KathDayKnight50 - yes I'm a massive perfectionist who is overly concerned with people's opinions of me. I'm basically an actor in every moment of my life :(.

I can rationalise the situation in my mind but the fact that I have missed valuable info today is very distressing.

I keep thinking if I can't deal with his then I won't be able to deal with the workplace.

@mimilake - you actually inspired me today to do something I really REALLY didn't want to do.
I just bloody did it.
Thank you.

Bellinisurge That's so great. And such a lovely thing to say that to OP.

Was already tearful thinking of her and now I'm a mess.

If I were in your position I'd go back to reception while the lecture is on (as there will be fewer people around the desk that will need assistance while lectures are in place). As others have suggested, ask them for help to enrol, then ask them for an updated timetable.

Try and get through the paperwork when there are fewer students around that will distract you (and the receptionists) from getting the job done. Then go outside/to the canteen and have a cup of tea/coffee while you wait for your Dad to collect you. I would tell him what happened in a "You're never going to believe the morning I had" type of way.

You'll do better tomorrow.

Its super early days of the course AND you've just been very ill - even if you're feeling better, there may be some extra emotional instability going on just from that. Last time I had general anaesthetic, I would find myself crying at issues for 6 months afterwards until I felt really properly stable again.

You've not ruined anything by missing the first few lectures, some people may not have even started the course yet this early in.
Pick yourself up, tell your dad what happened, have a bit of a cry, dust off, a few deep breaths, and have another fresh start :)

Perfectionism can be overcome, OP. A lot of people have it.

You have missed nothing on your first day you cannot get back again.

Of course you will be able to deal with the workplace. You will learn resilience as you go through life and never stop learning and go back to CBT for a booster course if need be.

Read autobiographies of people who have overcome all sorts to go on to be successful. There are no real secrets, just that "the only way out with through" iyswim.

You have so much going for you. A smart brain, you sound lovely, and your Dad does too. No reason in the world why you won't succeed in the workplace.

Are you still in the toilet?

Come on OP, you’re an adult, you’re clearly smart to have been able to get onto this course, it’s a rubbish first day but it’s one day and tomorrow you can start again and you’ll barely have missed anything.

Wipe your face, get out of the bathroom, go grab a drink of something and go for a walk outside. Then go back to the reception and make sure your timetable is correct for tomorrow, go home and call it a day. Cancel lunch with your dad if you don’t feel up to it or won’t be able to handle it without lying to him.

This feels huge but I assure you, it isn’t, it’s a very tiny problem in the grand scheme of things. The day before my MA began I got dumped by my cohabiting partner who kicked me out and had nowhere to go except for sofa surfing for a few weeks: I had to register on my first day as no fixed abode and was so heartbroken and shell shocked I barely focused on my first lecture at all.

I pulled through and so will you. This is so insignificant when you look at the bigger picture (as was my disastrous start to my MA!), you need some perspective.

Please tell me you’ve left the cubicle now!

I do feel for you but can you think of it from another angle.

Noone and I mean noone will remember that you went into a lecture late on the first day, noone will notice that you are stressed (as I expect most of them will be themselves).

This is a no biggie - only in your mind - you will get through this. either the easy way - just do it, or the hard way over think it and still do it.

Nothing has happened today that will affect your result or how you get on in the work place.

Turn this into a good day . Deep breath open that cubicle door and go to Reception - I am right behind you (not in stalkery way in a supportive way )

You’re doing really well. As others have said make simple checklist and go with it to reception. Then meet Dad for lovely lunch.

Checklist:

1. Enrol
2. Get new timetable
3. Get notes of missed sessions including today’s.

Good luck!

That sounds horrible and stressful. There us nothing wrong with you. Don’t give up. Universities can be weird, impersonal places and nothing like real workplaces. I spent weeks as a fresher wandering about unable to find a particular lecture theatre. The numbering made no sense and I was too shy to seek help. But eventually it did get sorted and many years later it’s a distant memory. Your resilience will grow as you get older so don’t worry about that. Just keep plugging along and you will get there.

I keep thinking if I can't deal with his then I won't be able to deal with the workplace.

So let this be the motivation to deal with this. It’s litetally in your control. You can choose to get up from the toilet seat right now, go wash your face, leave the bathroom and head back to the reception to clarify where you’re supposed to be tomorrow. Let’s get this into perspective yes?

Let this be practice. If you just sit in the cubicle for the next few hours ruminating over how you won’t be able to cope in the workplace and have missed vital information from the lecture you’ll feel worse and worse. Best to learn to deal with this now when the only person who’s suffering is you. When you start work you won’t be able to hide in the bathroom for hours with a boss wondering where the hell you are cos you’re being paid and have expectations on you as a professional.

Right, come on now! Enough of the hiding in the toilets, grit your teeth and pull yourself together and sort this out.

1. Go back to the desk and say that you need to speak to someone who is able to sit with you now to help sort out the mess. Ask for some pastoral support.
2. Go to the lecture room in time for the end of the lecture and find the lecturer. Explain briefly what happened and ask him/her to send you lecture notes. Make sure you get lecturer's contact details. Ask lecturer when would be convenient for you to go see them to check on anything you feel unsure about.
3. Meet your Dad and tell him what happened and what you have done to sort it!

Don't run and hide now or it will make it harder to go back. You have said yourself that you are smart so be smart and sort it!

Bellinisurge- that means a lot. Thank you.

I would leave but my eyes are bloodshot and I'm fearful people will notice. I have issues. I know most people don't care.

I'm reading great gatsby in a toilet cubicle and I know this is not normal. Thank you guys for saying I'm not pathetic but it def feels that way.

I almost chickened out of coming today and I wish I had.

Wow, you are so brave. Well done. One step at a time. You'll get there, and often it'll feel like two steps forward, one step back. Keep going.

No one will notice and if they do they’ll be sympathetic.

I snottered all over my course director once very dramatically.

She was lovely about it but I was mortified.