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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To change the locks before my husband gets home?

210 replies

checkingforballoons · 01/10/2018 10:26

My head’s all over the place. I’ll try to keep it brief.
We had a lovely day yesterday - lots of family time, big roast dinner. I made a delicious crumble. DH and I had a bowl each with some ice cream and there was a decent portion left. I covered it over and went to bed.
I’ve got loads of dull work to do from home today but cheered myself up with the thought of a mid morning coffee and the leftover crumble. Got myself a bowl, uncovered the crumble dish and my world fell apart. It was EMPTY. He’s eaten the leftover crumble AND covered it up again.
I just didn’t see this coming. He’s eaten the last Hobnob or something when we were younger but I thought he’d changed.
Has anyone been through similar and managed to make things work?

OP posts:
browneyes77 · 02/10/2018 21:13

I once bought 3 of those large Cadbury chocolate bars and gave one to my then OH, had one for me and the other I split in half so we had one and a half chocolate bars each.

He scoffed his one and half bars within about 48 hours. So because I eat chocolate slower I let him have my half a bar. I specifically said “So you’ve eaten your chocolate now and I’ve even let you have that half of mine. DO NOT touch that last bar of chocolate, it’s MINE”.

Anyway ate a bit of the chocolate each night with a nice cup of tea after work as my little chill out treat. I still had 3/4’s of a bar left about 2 days later.

Had a particularly bad day at work and was dying to get home and have my cuppa and lovely chocolate. Open the cupboard and the damn thing is gone. The greedy bastard had scoffed the lot. The sheer rage that came over me....I exploded with anger! His pathetic excuse was “oh well I figured I would just buy you another one”. Really?? Why didn’t you get off your lazy chocolate filled ass and go buy your own then instead of eating mine?? And he never even replaced it!

He’s an ex now (not over the chocolate though - although it came close)

Yeah, I’m still angry about that now 17 years later....Angry

babbscrabbs · 02/10/2018 21:23

Have you called a solicitor? They can offer you a free 30 minutes consultation on this sort of thing.

Escumator · 02/10/2018 21:30

You are supposed to be a partnership. Do you think he has any hidden crumbles you don’t know about? While he’s at work I’d check the cupboards for any suggestions of a secret life - butter, poached fruit, even something sordid like packet crumble mix. Get your affairs in order, bulk order some bramley apples or flour but keep them hidden. Do you have a safe oven you can utilise that he doesn’t know about? The crumble could stay in a friend’s fridge until you know what you’re dealing with.

This post is too much 😂😂😂😂😂

Bekstar · 02/10/2018 21:32

Divorce..... Nothing else is worth the evilness of his actions. How can he cover it back up. Mind you my husband is walking a thin line with his deception be tricks. Only the other day I went to make a hard boiled egg, but when I picked up the egg it was just a shell, but a shell cleverly hiding a creme egg, he had cracked it, cleaned out the shell and put the creme egg inside. With a few more ch ecks I founad another two under similar well prepared egg shells. What really cut to the bone is the fact that two days previously when I'd gone for a creme egg he had told me th ey had all gone, he even stooped so low to blame my son and my carer as possibilities of who had eaten them. I know my son wouldn't he hates them and the carer would have asked first. I had almost forgiven the fact that he had eaten them all, and even the fact that he had lied and tried too blame others. But to find that he had been evil enough to try and hide tnem under my nose all the time so he could eat them on the sly.

I was so livid too be honest, I went crackers goin through thoughts of divorce. Thoughts of murder. All while I all the creme eggs I'd found Barr one, which I opened a very small part of the wrapper and using a syringe squirted a concord on of apple cider vinegar and hot sauce into the centre. I then warmed a spoon slightly to reseal the hole left in chocolate and recovered with the foil and put it back.

Don't kid me not the revenge was sweeter than the egg ever was. Because DH is one ozf those annoying people who has to pop the whole creme egg in his mouth, and swallow in in a few chews and a gulp. It was literally gone befpore his brain registered the taste difference. But it sharp came back up.

I'd recommend divorce at the least if not then revenge is a must.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 02/10/2018 21:33

OP, really feeling for you right now, and don't have much advice to offer, but couldn't read and run.

I know you'll be trying to come to terms with things and deciding a way forward, but if it helps as a distraction, granola could work as a rebound type thing? I have mine with yoghurt, but I think you could try custard with it.

I've been where you are, and it's not so much what he did, it's the fact that he didn't care enough to spare you the pain of finding out, when he should have just been honest in the first place.

PenCreed · 02/10/2018 21:41

Bekstar is an evil genius.

JJBurnelsBass · 02/10/2018 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SideEyeing · 02/10/2018 21:50

I had a straight face until I read UKCrumbling and Crumblr.

God dammit I needed this thread tonight.

JJBurnelsBass · 02/10/2018 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 02/10/2018 22:17

a) we need a diagram of the fridge. Where exactly was this bowl? No diagram, it didn't happen.

b) leftover for breakfast? Surely it's a midnight snack. Your own fault, OP. It's the way the cookie crumbles.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/10/2018 22:17

He’s eaten the leftover crumble AND covered it up again

Bastard!

I love that it is exactly what you planned to do but he got there first!

But OP wouldn't have heartlessly recovered the bowl and put it back in the fridge MrsS

I thought he’d changed

men like that NEVER change OP - "lepers don't change their spots" (though they might throw their hand in if they get fed up) Grin

searose · 02/10/2018 22:21

So much misplaced sympathy in my opinion OP you are to blame. What were you thinking of making only enough crumble for one measly portion to be left over. Far from looking for other deserts for yourself or proof of pudding infidelity I think you need to take a long hard look at what made you only leave one portion behind or not make a larger crumble in the first place? Just deserts I would say!!!

Lweji · 02/10/2018 22:21

Also, OP, it's not a matter of if he does it again, it's when he does it again. What are your boundaries?

I'm not sure it's advisable for crumble thieves, but could you try Relate? Perhaps separate kitchens while he's working on himself.

Bowerbird5 · 02/10/2018 22:23

Make another one let him eat it with ice cream then put the leftovers in a covered bowl just the same way but underneath is crumble smothered in custard. Revenge is sweet!

peachdribble · 02/10/2018 22:28

I could show you how to change a Yale lock

runsmidgeOMG · 02/10/2018 22:37

OP I've been there. I specifically left the quality streets we both enjoyed as so to share them out fairly. Came home from a long shift to find he'd eaten them behind my back. I can't pretend I wasn't extremely hurt. But we got through it day by day. Love and strength 😂😂ThanksCakeCake

purplebunny2012 · 03/10/2018 00:33

Custard is disgusting, but I'd have had cream

Belina · 03/10/2018 04:14

Call 999

Bloodybridget · 03/10/2018 04:25

OP, it's dreadful and I completely sympathise, but maybe you can get past it? My DP went to the supermarket on her own recently - yes, I knew it was a risk - and interpreted "Get a sliced wholemeal loaf" as "Get their bog standard factory packaged bread" - apparently had never noticed that we always have the very good in-store bakery one.

I took a deep breath, counted to several thousand, and pointed out the mistake. Have now shown her the correct product. If she ever buys the wrong bread again, obviously I will be changing the locks.

CosyLulu · 03/10/2018 06:14

I’m going to go against the (crumble) grain here and say YABU.

He’s a man, he’s entitled to eat what he likes as he’s the bread(or crumble)-winner of the house! You’re probably one of those lazy SAHMs, aren’t you? Sitting around all day whilst he works his socks off. FOR YOU!

You never deserved that crumble.

Make another crumble right now and make it just how he likes it. Look your best when he gets in tonight, but of lippy, lead him to his favourite chair give him a newspaper and get him to put his feet up. then bring him a bowl of freshly-made crumble (with ice cream - don’t even mention the c word), kiss him and give him a knowing wink and a cheeky smile so he knows that there will always be crumble for him and that he was right to gobble up the last bit of the old crumble.

It’s all in your hands now OP - ignore what the PPs have said, be a good wife. Or lose a good man.

NotANotMan · 03/10/2018 08:08

Love this thread!
You really need to LTB. The empty bowl is just gaslighting Angry

KathDayKnight50 · 03/10/2018 08:42

Keep hearing this song in my head...I'll crumble for you..! Grin

That's what you need, OP. A great man who'll crumble for you.

CosyLulu · 03/10/2018 08:56

Kath she HAS a great man. She just can’t see it.

user93829428 · 03/10/2018 08:57

Have you tried counselling, OP?

dollydee · 03/10/2018 10:50

I suspect he’ll put the blame on Goldilocks.
Unforgivable Hmm

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