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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To change the locks before my husband gets home?

210 replies

checkingforballoons · 01/10/2018 10:26

My head’s all over the place. I’ll try to keep it brief.
We had a lovely day yesterday - lots of family time, big roast dinner. I made a delicious crumble. DH and I had a bowl each with some ice cream and there was a decent portion left. I covered it over and went to bed.
I’ve got loads of dull work to do from home today but cheered myself up with the thought of a mid morning coffee and the leftover crumble. Got myself a bowl, uncovered the crumble dish and my world fell apart. It was EMPTY. He’s eaten the leftover crumble AND covered it up again.
I just didn’t see this coming. He’s eaten the last Hobnob or something when we were younger but I thought he’d changed.
Has anyone been through similar and managed to make things work?

OP posts:
YouCantTourniquetTheTaint · 01/10/2018 11:42

What a turd.

I want crumble now Grin

Elchupacabra · 01/10/2018 11:48

He is a CF.
LTB, change the locks, cancel the cheque and tell him that he looks NOTHING like Paul Mc Cartney.
Cake Flowers

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 01/10/2018 11:50

I'm so sorry you are feeling this pain. I have been in your position and we are doing all we can to get things back on track.

On Saturday afternoon a dear friend gave me half a homemade cheesecake. This friend is a cheesecake queen. The biscuit base was firm but not too hard to break with a spoon. The filling was rich and sweet and it was topped with whole ripe strawberries.

I put it in the fridge and looked forward to a lovely chilled evening watching a film, a tasty dinner, a bottle of wine and sharing the cheesecake.

To start with there were three of us at home and he and daughter being the majority chose to watch something other than the film I had fancied.

He (can't bring myself to call him my husband - still too angry) helped himself to cheesecake while I was still faffing. We heard his dog in the kitchen and he went in and shouted at the dog to stop sniffing round the counters. A few moments later there was more noise from the kitchen.

I heard him muttering "Oh dear!" then he came in to the living room and said "Ooops - the dog has eaten your cheesecake!"

36 hours later and I am still fuming. Why didn't he put it back in the fridge when he helped himself? Why didn't he bring my portion when he got his own? Why didn't he put it in the fridge when he realised the dog wanted it? Why didn't he keep his dog under control?

So many questions. So much pain.

But we are working on moving forward. Last night he said he would speak to my friend and ask her to make one for me (for an adequate remuneration of course) and this morning he went to the bakery on his way home from the school run and bought me a fresh cream eclair.

I think there is still hope for us.

I hope you and your husband can find a way forward.

championquartz · 01/10/2018 11:51

I bet if you start examining your yesterday, it probably wasn't a great day, like you think it was. He's clearly very calculating - covering an empty bowl. He's manipulated you and the kids to having icecream, not custard, what else has he done? Sneaked the odd roast parsnip off your plate? Took the extra-crispy roastie from a child? Finished the last bit of gravy? This isn't going to get better OP, sorry. Manipulating and calculating, and that's only what we know.

Don't change the locks until you get advice, but do stop buying ice-cream for crumbles. Have only custard. Leave the bowl on the table for discussion. It will be difficult. But he knows.....he knows......

Charlie97 · 01/10/2018 11:51

I'd text him a photo of the empty dish. Let him know that you know what he's done. Let him spend all day sweating over the confrontation he knows is waiting for him at home.

Do not do this!! It'll will give him time to come up with an excuse!!

FYI crumble should be with made with rhubarb, but you are correct in serving with ice cream!

cantfindname · 01/10/2018 11:52

I once hid a very expensive on-the-bone joint of ham in the washing machine one Christmas to keep ex's filthy greedy paws off it.

You guessed. For the first and only time in his life the bastard threw a load of washing in the machine and turned it on.

The moral of this is that you have to find inventive hiding places for fruity crumbles but washing machines are NOT good.

KathDayKnight50 · 01/10/2018 11:52

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere

So brave of you to share your painful experience and show the OP that there may still be hope for her marriage.

Thebluedog · 01/10/2018 11:56

So sorry you’re going through this op Flowers I suggest you use your ‘crumble eating time’ to get your ducks in a row, photo copy important documents, such as receive books before sending him a photo of the uncovered dish. I’d then suggest you go no contact

ApolloandDaphne · 01/10/2018 11:57

I don't think there is any hope for your future together. The sheer deceit involved would be enough for me.

I keep my chocolate stash under the spare tea towels. DH cannot be trusted around chocolate. There have been tears and tantrums in the past. This hiding place has never been rumbled. DD1 knows where it is but she would never tell.

Incidentally i like neither custard nor ice cream with crumble. It has to be really thick pouring cream.

LuluJakey1 · 01/10/2018 11:59

maggie
Alvarez, poem about plums. Such simplicity and truth!

RB68 · 01/10/2018 12:00

I think you cover the bowl up again and place back in the fridge. Then after dinner say - oh its crumble for dessert - I left it specially for you.... see what he says

JasperCopeland · 01/10/2018 12:00

This calls for gaslighting on your behalf. Make a replica crumble, freeze the majority and put a portion in a bowl with a cover over it. When he comes in tonight nonchalantly reheat and eat it in front of him and pretend it was a leftover from yesterday.

KathDayKnight50 · 01/10/2018 12:03

I think you have cause to grumble
'Cos your DH has had a fumble
With your precious apple crumble
He sure ain't very humble.

JoeElliotsMullet · 01/10/2018 12:04

The thieving bastarding shitting crimblecrumble thief!!!

Wash the empty crumble dish.
Make new crumble.
Don't waste delicious apples, blackberries and blueberries, use sprouts, kidney beans and juniper berries. Marinade them in something nasty, like anchovies.
Throw some of it away.
Leave the leftovers covered up in a tempting place.
Watch and wait.

Inertia · 01/10/2018 12:09

Love the PPs’ suggestions about recovering the bowl and buying yourself a custardy pudding which you will eat while he finishes off the crumble.

RayRayBidet · 01/10/2018 12:10

Right op, time to put on your big girl pants. Get your ducks in a row. Gather all your important recipes together, lock them up. Call 101 to log his behaviour. Have some penguin bollards installed (google emergency penguin bollards in your area) All his belongings on the front lawn and poor a massive jug of custard over the lot.
Change the locks and never may he darken your door again.
Tell him he never gets to see his kids again, they don't need that kind of negativity.
When he gets an OW tell her. She will dump him.

RomanyRoots · 01/10/2018 12:17

His actions covering the empty dish, speak louder than words, how can you be with such a man
LTB

greenlynx · 01/10/2018 12:18

I feel for you! I regularly change hiding place for biscuits and chocolate and it doesn’t help. My DH would never cover the bowl back so I probably have some hope!
Have you got some ice cream left? Finish it straight away and from now on only serve crumble with custard. You shouldn’t suffer!

Sommelierrrr · 01/10/2018 12:21

Do you know what actually I don't find this funny. At all.

Lucky you and the rest of the 'light hearted' posters. Lucky you not to have been through what many of us have on here which is to live in absolute terror of someone, to have changed the locks or had to run with our children from our homes.

This is really bad taste and confirms my suspicions that some people really are smug and thoughtless.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/10/2018 12:25

Oh be careful OP - he's already gaslighting you by re-covering the bowl. He may deny everything! He may even suggest that you ate it yourself while under the influence!

I'm shocked, honestly shocked. Especially since you gave him a chance, despite his custard-hatred. I mean, that's a big yellow flag right there - but you still gave him that chance and this is how he repays you. :(

Kittykat93 · 01/10/2018 12:26

@Sommelierrrr

Please tell me you aren't being serious Hmm

fruitbrewhaha · 01/10/2018 12:29

Sommelierrrr come on, you could have clicked away after the first few lines when you knew it was a piss take. But you've read all they way through to be offended.

There's lots of different threads on MN ranging from frivolous and silly to downright heartbreaking. We need to humour or the drama to get though the tearjerkers.

RayRayBidet · 01/10/2018 12:30

@Sommelierrrr
People are taking the piss out of the cliche comments on AIBU when someone posts about a relatively minor problem which immediately gets blown into "he's cheating, red flag, LTB"
No one is making fun of DV and threads where that is being discussed are normally extremely supportive.
If you have been in that situation Flowers

DarlingNikita · 01/10/2018 12:31

He’s eaten the leftover crumble AND covered it up again.

That's the worst part IMO.

In future, make up two portions. Put your names on them if necessary.

trulybadlydeeply · 01/10/2018 12:31

I think you need a spa day OP