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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Please help me before I totally lose my shit!

179 replies

sav3m3 · 29/09/2018 15:30

How do people cope with their partners snoring? Like genuinely how do you deal with it as it's driving me mad!! I normally fall asleep first which is fine, but I often wake up during the night most nights and then can't get back to sleep as DP is doing impressions of some kind of demented walrus

Even the neighbours have commented that they've heard it!

We've tried me wearing earplugs but I can still hear it slightly through that which is enough to keep me awake. Tried sleeping in the spare bedroom but I can still hear him and also when I'm downstairs on the sofa. Nose strips and nose spray helped a bit but not completely. He is slightly overweight which is what I think probably causes it but he's quite sensitive bout that so can't really push that he needs to lose weight

At the moment I've been going with the method of waking him up every time he's snoring (around 48000 times per night) and hoping that will annoy him enough that he will stay awake long enough for me to go to sleep but that never happens and I end up lying there fantasising about hitting him with the bedside light or something similar

Please tell me there's something that will help or is my only option to cave his head in? Grin

OP posts:
Dangerousplan · 30/09/2018 14:28

Separate rooms if you have the space. We tried all the mouth guards sprays etc. Nothing worked. Sleep is so important to quality of life.

We agreed on separate beds so for past 13 years DH sleeps on our very comfortable sofa bed downstairs. I can still hear him but it's muffled noise as opposed to 1000 decibel sawing logs.

Still cuddle up every evening but then I go off to my lovely quiet bed all to myself. He even makes me a hot water bottle in winter!

Ps. Sex life is fine. No issues.

Celestia26 · 30/09/2018 14:29

My husband is a snorer! It's better if he sleeps on his side, and avoids alcohol in the evening. Losing weight has helped too.

Branleuse · 30/09/2018 15:06

im not saying hes unreasonable for snoring or that hes some sort of bastard that deserves to be left. Im just saying that people need to sleep, and somebody that is uterrly sleep deprived and cant get away from the noise , should maybe consider prioritising herself.

I would be incompatible with this type of snorer, even if they were the nicest person in the world

Branleuse · 30/09/2018 15:09

anyway obviously, deal with it how you feel best x

DollyPartonsBeard · 30/09/2018 15:10

I'm a snorer. I use the Nytol spray and it works very well indeed. Minty, oily foam is not the nicest thing to swallow but it's a lot nicer than being single.

www.boots.com/nytol-anti-snoring-throat-spray-50ml-10154086

HashTagLil · 30/09/2018 17:06

Dolly, buy it from Amazon, it's a lot cheaper! Especially on subscribe and save.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 30/09/2018 17:25

has he got too fat? weightwatchers?

myusernameisnotmyusername · 30/09/2018 17:26

My DP used something you put in your nose. It broke ages ago but I can’t say I notice it as much as I used to. It’s worse when he’s had a drink so if I haven’t had one I kick him to the sofa.

Treasure114 · 30/09/2018 17:28

I'm not exaggerating when I say that my marriage was almost ruined by snoring. OH went to his GP in the end and was diagnosed with sleep apnaea. He was given a mask to wear when he slept which made a nice "whoooooshing" sound rather than random snores.

After this he ended up losing weight (he was very fat) and also cut down a lot on his drinking and smoking. Now he doesn't even need to wear the machine. It took a lot of persuading him to go to the doctors but it literally would have been over for us if he hadn't.

HavelockVetinari · 30/09/2018 17:50

He won't go to the GP? What a selfish prick! Angry

Nicklebox · 30/09/2018 17:50

I use wax ear plugs and find they do the job

FullOfDoom · 30/09/2018 17:52

Cozy phones or sleephones - headphones you can sleep in, then you listen to a sleep hypnosis, audiobook, music or similar until you drop off. Repeat if you wake up.

DancingForTheDog · 30/09/2018 18:03

You have my sympathy. We've had separate bedrooms for years. My DH snoring sounds like a wounded bull-seal, he also flaps about like a fish on a slab and gets up to go to the loo in the night. Separate rooms saved our marriage, although I do still use earplugs as I can still hear him. I dread holidays if we have to share, so usually book a 2 bed villa or apartment. We're going on a 3 week trip to Japan next year, sharing hotel rooms as it's an organised tour, and I'm anxious already!

Roomba · 30/09/2018 18:04

I moved into a different bedroom to escape my ex's snoring for four years before we split up.

I sympathise as I recently had to share a room with my sister for a fortnight on holiday. Even with earplugs and a pillow over my head it was deafening. I tried sleeping with loud music on my headphones all night, I could still hear it over the music! My kids were sleeping in a room on a different floor at the other end of a large house - they came down several nights complaining it had woken them and they couldn't sleep because of it!

She really obviously has sleep apnoea - stops breathing constantly and splutters, rumbles away like a tank, she's exhausted all the time and has put loads of weight on due to it... I tried talking to her about it on multiple occasions as I'm worried for her health. She just rolled her eyes at me as if I was being ridiculous and had Munchausen's or something. No way is she visiting her GP about it apparently. So I am refusing to ever share with her again. How anyone puts up with this for years on end without murdering someone is a mystery to me!

Whatsischops · 30/09/2018 18:11

I can also hear my DP snore all over the house, if he falls asleep sitting up in a chair he snores so loud I can't hear the TV. He went to a specialist and was told his tongue was too big for his mouth! So no snoring remedies for us. I have the metal earplugs that are the best I've tried over the years but halfway through the night they can become painful. I think I'll be taking a trip to spec savers to get a custom pair made like TicketyBoo83.

itinkthereforeima · 30/09/2018 18:22

We had this problem until we a) got a decent bed and b) agreed he would avoid sleeping on his back.

Qwertykeyboard789 · 30/09/2018 18:28

Oh god I thought my DH’s snoring was bad! He sleeps downstairs, and I can’t hear him there. Tried loads from the GP but nothing worked, tried random stuff off amazon that did nothing either, so now we sleep separately.
It’s definitely not his weight as he’s underweight (eats like a pig mind! Totally not jealous Grin).
Hope you find a solution soon OP Flowers

ledzepplintooasiseclectic · 30/09/2018 18:28

My OH is a nightmare..... his snoring is a nightmare. He is selfish too and if I nudge him during the night he gets verbally abusive and has no memory the next day. Having no sleep every night is a real struggle for me not him.... he tells me he cant help it that I cant sleep and I wake up easily. I told him he needs to lose weight, he did when he decided he wanted to and surprise surprise no snoring but unfortunately he has started on the old eating habits and the snoring has returned. I think its terribly selfish and inconsiderate of someone who knows the are keeping someone else awake to not do something about it....... i can see now why partners flip out...in fact this is winding me up just writing this out

AlexandraPeppernose · 30/09/2018 18:38

Snoreeze mouthguard for him. Silicone earplugs for you.

LaundrydilemMa · 30/09/2018 18:38

We're saving up to have his restrictive tongue tie revised...
In the mean time I sleep with headphones and white noise

sav3m3 · 30/09/2018 18:39

HavelockVetinari have you actually read the thread? He has booked a GP appointment. I didn’t write on here for people to start abusing him and hurling insults at him so if you have nothing constructive to say then it doesn’t require your input.

OP posts:
sav3m3 · 30/09/2018 18:45

So I’ve actually been given some really good advice on here and it’s good to hear other people have been through it/are going through it as well and that there are lots of different methods to explore. Of course there’s the usual posters who don’t bother to RTFT and also those who’ve decided to take it as an opportunity to be abusing and insulting Hmm I’ve even been called ‘desperate for a bloke’ for staying with him and trying to resolve it rather than kicking him to the kerb so maybe smothering him with a pillow is the only logical option Grin

OP posts:
ToEarlyForDecorations · 30/09/2018 18:50

Whatsischops & TicketyBoo83 - off to Specsavers I go too.

I use wax/silicone earplugs they cost £1.99 from Savers. They only block out the snoring to a certain level. I also take herbal sleeping pills and headache pills. I shouldn't be taking head ache pills every night just to get to sleep but that's what desperation for sleep does for you.

Lately, I'm aware that I'm anxious falling asleep because - he's going to start snoring any minute. It'll start......just as I'm drifting away to sleep.

Then it starts, my various attempts to get him to shut the fuck up snoring: I nudge his leg with my heel. I pull his pillow down to bring his head back which should open his jaw a little and ease his breathing/snoring. I stroke his hair. I stroke his back.

Then he's got the bloody gall to criticise me for waking him up and not letting him sleep ! Well stop fucking snoring and we'll both get some sleep.

As usual my attempts to stop him snoring achieves precisely nothing, but I'm not yet angry enough to go to the spare room. I'm still hoping I'll fall asleep despite the anxiety - yeah right. He snores more and more. I rage more and more.

Right by now it's probably 1am. I've been attempting to get to sleep for three fucking hours. He's been asleep and snoring for all that time

FINALLY it is, as usual, once again ME that moves into the spare room. Why ? Because he's asleep so he's got no problems. Oh and he can't get to sleep in the spare bed. So it's muggins that sleeps in the spare bed again or I won't get any sleep. Gah !

He reckons to miss me when I'm not in bed with him at night - but that's not enough motivation to fucking sort it. He might not even have slept that well. Really love ? Oh why's that hun ?

It was ME that introduced 'nose clips' for him to wear which he does at night. Mostly they don't work. I tried throat spray for him but that didn't work but a couple of posters say Nightol throat spray works so I'll try again with a different brand. I want to buy some new pillows as a freshly filled pillow might work. He didn't snore the night after changing the sheets which meant putting the existing pillow in a new pillow case that was freshly laundered and the pillow was a little tight in the pillow case. The next night the pillow case had relaxed and the snoring was back.

I'm prepared to keep trying different approaches until I find something that works.

If you've read all the way to the bottom, well done. In fact, it might have sent you to sleep.

As others have said, it's the stress/anxiety caused by the snoring and for me, further anxiety about being able to fall asleep because I'm so wound up which is the problem.

I too can fall asleep with the t.v. on.

Bobbi73 · 30/09/2018 18:51

It's a little pricey (around £70) but if you can afford it, you can get specially made moulded earplugs. Look it up.
It's cheaper than buying the house next door or divorce! 😀

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 30/09/2018 18:52

Muffles Wax Ear Plugs from Boots. The best there is. I have no choice.