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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please help me before I totally lose my shit!

179 replies

sav3m3 · 29/09/2018 15:30

How do people cope with their partners snoring? Like genuinely how do you deal with it as it's driving me mad!! I normally fall asleep first which is fine, but I often wake up during the night most nights and then can't get back to sleep as DP is doing impressions of some kind of demented walrus

Even the neighbours have commented that they've heard it!

We've tried me wearing earplugs but I can still hear it slightly through that which is enough to keep me awake. Tried sleeping in the spare bedroom but I can still hear him and also when I'm downstairs on the sofa. Nose strips and nose spray helped a bit but not completely. He is slightly overweight which is what I think probably causes it but he's quite sensitive bout that so can't really push that he needs to lose weight

At the moment I've been going with the method of waking him up every time he's snoring (around 48000 times per night) and hoping that will annoy him enough that he will stay awake long enough for me to go to sleep but that never happens and I end up lying there fantasising about hitting him with the bedside light or something similar

Please tell me there's something that will help or is my only option to cave his head in? Grin

OP posts:
Aintnothingbutaheartache · 29/09/2018 22:09

Go for the old potato in the pants trick. People snore when lying on their backs. A potato, a walnut etc sewn into pjs stops them each time they roll over.
Failing that I’d go with pillow over the face

dontgobaconmyheart · 29/09/2018 22:17

I feel for you OP and I'll be honest- we only 'solved' this by having separate beds (opposite ends of the house) at nightime. People joke about it but I think often don't realise how maddening it is to be woken up every few seconds endlessly when you just need sleep. It used to make me incredibly angry and stressed, as well as exhausted and honestly made me angry with him a lot of the time, and I am not an angry person by nature- it really got to me. There is a reason they use sleep deprivation as torture, unfortunately.
I appreciate his feelings are important but they don't trump your health and sanity, It would wind me up if he wouldn't take it seriously.
Agree with other posters he should really get to the GP and discuss the possibility of sleep apnoea as that is v. dangerous. Better earplugs? Could you sleep with one of those pillows that has a speaker in to drown him out perhaps? Ask him to try his best to side sleep if possible too.
Feel for you!

ToEarlyForDecorations · 29/09/2018 22:25

Watching with interest.

I can relate to the, 'rage stage' as my husband's snoring puts me in the spare room fuming, wide awake and the adrenaline pumping - not conducive to falling asleep.

So I have to start the falling asleep process all over again whilst raging and now overtired and panicking about not being able to get to sleep for the four to five hours his snoring has graciously allowed me.

GreenMeerkat · 29/09/2018 22:29

My DH's snoring got a LOT better once he lost some weight and started at the gym. He is 3 stone lighter now and is much, much fitter. He still snores sometimes, usually if he is ill or had a drink but much, much better than it used to be.

HashTagLil · 29/09/2018 22:39

DH snores from the back of his throat rather than his nose iyswim? We're seeing great results from the Nytol anti snoring spray. Just over a fiver on Amazon so worth a try!
www.amazon.co.uk/Nytol-Anti-Snoring-Throat-Spray-50ml/dp/B00C7P6YWO/ref=sr_1_2_a_it?keywords=nytol+anti+snoring+spray&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1538257141&sr=8-2

GoodGirlsGuide · 29/09/2018 22:42

We found that extra pillows (he is quite propped up!) really helps to stop the snoring. Apologies if this has already been suggested. I’m about to go to sleep (before him!) so haven’t read the whole thread.

spinabifidamom · 29/09/2018 22:57

My mom also snored incessantly. After two months I took her to see her GP. Several tests later and she now uses a CPAP machine at night time recommended by the specialist we consulted with. Turns out that she had something called sleep apnea diagnosed via a sleep study done on her at the hospital overnight.

Essentially sleep disordered breathing in other words. Stop getting mad, be resourceful instead. Seriously. Be positive and polite too. Insist on having your questions answered too.

smackbangwhollop · 29/09/2018 23:02

Go to the Dr. It can damage a relationship over time if you're sleep deprived for years. If he is heavy losing weight will help.

1forAll74 · 30/09/2018 03:37

I could not stand to be with anyone who had a snoring problem, as I suffer with insomnia, and tinnitus,, but basically,that's ok, as I live alone!

i assume that there are things out there,to help with snoring, don't know if they work or not, much the same with my probs, nothing seems to work..

I am usually awake at all times late night, and I sometimes think, there must be hundreds of other people awake also, as in,snorers who keep people awake, babies that cry all night, noisy neighbours, yapping dogs, and all other night time dramas.

AngeloMysterioso · 30/09/2018 04:53

Quies foam earplugs are the only thing that has stopped me murdering DH in his sleep.

Admittedly he’s lost some weight so it’s not as bad as it used to be, but he went to a sleep clinic and all sorts and was told the only way to prevent it was to wear a gumshield-ish contraption which he refused to do. I can’t sleep without earplugs now, even when he’s not around!

Flamingle · 30/09/2018 08:55

I put up with it but then suffered from serious sleep deprivation which led to other issues that seriously impacted my life. We had separate rooms eventually but it was so loud it still kept me and my daughter awake each night. You can’t understand unless you have experienced it first hand. It was absolutely horrendous and nothing would solve it - even a breathing machine. There’s snoring which you can tolerate but this was off the scale. I’m talking 80dB.
We divorced eventually - for other reasons. But my point is serious. Sleep deprivation that is chronic is so harmful to human health.

Mickmusic · 30/09/2018 09:31

My wife used denied snoring so smart me thought that’s fine ... down loaded an app with a sound meter built in and recorded her snoring... waited till we were having a conversation with friends where she moaned about me snoring where she denied what she snored... ah but wait what’s ... this ..... how stupid was I so chuffed till wife got me home ...duh

Mickmusic · 30/09/2018 09:33

Used ear plug from work after that and a watch that vibrates at alarm times

Chamomileteaplease · 30/09/2018 09:45

I am glad your partner is finally taking action because it seemed that he wasn't taking you seriously and came across as very uncaring.

Best of luck with the hideousness of interrupted sleep.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 30/09/2018 11:12

He needs a cpap machine.
britishsnoring.co.uk/
You can have one on a one week trial for £100 which is offset against the cost of the machine.
You just need a gp referral letter to get the actual machine. Nhs list is very long

moomoomummy · 30/09/2018 11:13

Just s bit of medical advice. Its worth getting a sleep test . Aponea is when you actually stop breathing for multiple occasions sleep. This can range in severity and may need treatment if oxygen sats fall below acceptable levels. This test is worth doing. To stop snoring , the only proven way is to visit a dentist who can provide an appliance to wear at night which advances your lower jaw forwards. what this does is lifts the back wall of your throat , away from the front wall, stopping the snoring sound and allowing the flow of air through. They are expensive but worth it .

moomoomummy · 30/09/2018 11:16

CPAP machines are for aponea ands force air in when the walls of your throat become flaccid. If its heavy snoring without periods of aponea , a CPAP is not indicated

happypoobum · 30/09/2018 11:17

Sorry this probably isn't what you want to hear but I split up with an ex boyfriend over this.

Like you, I could hear him from spare room or if I slept downstairs on sofa. Nose strips etc etc didn't help. The lack of sleep was really affecting me to the point where I was having to take time off work so the bloke had to go.....

Branleuse · 30/09/2018 11:27

i didnt say leave him, I suggested moving out (if he wont attempt to sort it).

How are you supposed to live with someone that doesnt let you sleep?

CesiraAndEnrico · 30/09/2018 11:46

i didnt say leave him, I suggested moving out (if he wont attempt to sort it)

Because a man who's just lost a major focus in his life, the thing he is worked for years to achieve, is going to see "moving out" as a very different thing from "everything sucks for you right now, and I'm off".

You can find other ways to sleep without changing your address. You can buy time with ad hoc, imperfect solutions until somebody you love, who loves you back, has had a chance to handle a significant blow, manage their current huge pile of life change priorities, and later on when the dust has settled come around to prioritising the cause of the snoring.

Which might stop being an issue on its own once the guy has had a chance to adjust to his new normal. Because once he has adjusted and learned what changes to his previous diet are needed due to the life change, the weight issues could go, taking the snoring with it.

hometutor1234 · 30/09/2018 11:58

Aargh it's horrendous isn't it? DH and I have separate rooms which is not ideal but at least we both get a decent night's sleep. I got to the point where I HATED him because of sleep deprivation. It's not his fault, but we get on so much better now we've separated at night time.

Furx · 30/09/2018 12:07

stuck next to something resembling a pneumatic drill doing riverdance

Proper fucking LOLed at this

So true. I got one banging thing as well. Which shakes the bed. How I haven’t stabbed him.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 30/09/2018 12:21

Oh god I nearly posted similar last night!

Dh snores so bloody inconsistently. One minute it’s gentle snuffles where I can look at him lovingly, stroke his arm before I turn over to go to sleep, smiling to myself. Then a minute later it’s great big snorts in between the snuffles. Then it’s random big snorts then snuffles again. It is never consistent for Five. Fucking. Minutes. Consistent I could live with. It’s the randomness. Don’t get me started on the restless legs. Random jerks and kicks. Ugh. God he’s lucky I love him or he’d be in mortal peril.

Branleuse · 30/09/2018 13:43

I dont see why him going through all that stuff would make a difference to someones snoring?

I thought it was the snoring that was the issue and that she cant sleep and she can hear it everywhere and he doesnt see it as a problem?

You do actually NEED to sleep. Its hardly unreasonable.

I could have the loveliest partner in the world, but if he sounded like a pneumatic drill every night and I could not sleep, then I would live seperatly. If it was impossible to live seperatly then id have to leave.
Im not that desperate for a bloke that I would give up sleep for them

CesiraAndEnrico · 30/09/2018 14:23

I dont see why him going through all that stuff would make a difference to someones snoring?

If it were just a case of him just deciding not to snore, then all that stuff would make no difference.

But he has just had a career ending injury. And what is being suggested is more doctors, more prodding and poking, more "let's try some analysis/treatments that may be intrusive and uncomfortable and underline the extent to which your body is letting you and everybody around you down".

On top of everything else he is already dealing with.

I don't understand why somebody can't understand what a psychological blow he is dealing with. And why that might make him go ostrich about the snoring while he fights off the potential mental and emotional blow back from losing everything he's worked for, for years.

Until technology move up a few notches we don't get to pick boyfriends, partners and husbands who are programmed to utter "how high" when asked to jump and perform on command, even when their latest software update is glitching.

We only get to select our mate from a range that is "complex human being" flavoured. Actual live people with feelings and high stakes life issues of their own. Feelings and stakes that will impact their priorities and the limits of what they can face dealing with at the moment. Especially when they are facing a tough transition that may involve having to rebuild their identity, along with a whole host of other life, and life style changes.

That's a lot for your average non-robot to have on his plate, and his fork may feel so overloaded that another bite on top could look like being asked to eat an elephant for breakfast.