Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please help me before I totally lose my shit!

179 replies

sav3m3 · 29/09/2018 15:30

How do people cope with their partners snoring? Like genuinely how do you deal with it as it's driving me mad!! I normally fall asleep first which is fine, but I often wake up during the night most nights and then can't get back to sleep as DP is doing impressions of some kind of demented walrus

Even the neighbours have commented that they've heard it!

We've tried me wearing earplugs but I can still hear it slightly through that which is enough to keep me awake. Tried sleeping in the spare bedroom but I can still hear him and also when I'm downstairs on the sofa. Nose strips and nose spray helped a bit but not completely. He is slightly overweight which is what I think probably causes it but he's quite sensitive bout that so can't really push that he needs to lose weight

At the moment I've been going with the method of waking him up every time he's snoring (around 48000 times per night) and hoping that will annoy him enough that he will stay awake long enough for me to go to sleep but that never happens and I end up lying there fantasising about hitting him with the bedside light or something similar

Please tell me there's something that will help or is my only option to cave his head in? Grin

OP posts:
tillytrotter1 · 29/09/2018 17:20

Separate rooms
The very best solution! His room is above the sitting room and as he goes to bed first I hear it through the ceiling. I'm always reminded of those cartoons where the ceiling is moving in time with the snoring. Alcohol doesn't help the situation either.

Urchinella · 29/09/2018 17:22

Mine stopped snoring and started to do a strange shuddering instead.

Every 10-20 seconds the bed shakes. Laying awake waiting for the next mini earthquake is a form of torture.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/09/2018 17:36

@PreventCrookedTeeth We're good now. He just didn't want to bother with getting used to it during that 'break in' period. But since his scare he actually took the time to become accustomed. And just as his doctor told him, he got used to it and now doesn't even know he has it on most of the time. He does say that the newer masks are much more comfortable and the new machines are quieter and don't constantly blow air in his face but go off/on with his inhale/exhale.

I agree, it's shocking the number of people who don't realize that sleep disturbances are something that need to be investigated. Whether it's snoring, starting awake because of a back/neck pain, or just plain bad dreams, anything that is a frequent or constant sleep disruption should be taken seriously!

Marzipanface · 29/09/2018 17:42

If it is really really bad then he needs to go the doctors and get tested for sleep apnoea. I know two serious snorers. The only thing that worked for them was a CPAP machine. It changed their lives as they were getting poor quality sleep every night.

Babyroobs · 29/09/2018 17:46

Separate rooms is the only solution for us as it's so bad.

BlueberryPud · 29/09/2018 17:51

He should be evaluated for sleep apnea. It can be quite harmful if not dealt with

This is the best advice. My husband snored for years until I finally persuaded him to the GP, who referred him on to a consultant, who sent him for a sleep study, and it turned out that he did have significantly low oxygen levels during sleep, and that his sleep was of poor quality due to constant waking (of which he was unaware)
He's worn a CPAP machine now for several years which has stopped the snoring, but has it's own irritating noise level if his mouth opens in his sleep. But that doesn't happen all that often, and you can't hear it from the next room.
You will need to go with him to the appointment, as a lot of the questions will be for you to answer. (e.g. does he stop breathing, do the snores rise to a crescendo etc). The consultant told me the answers are more accurate from a fully awake onlooker than from the snorer. Too bloody right.

enoughisenough2 · 29/09/2018 18:12

Ended up in different rooms .... also killed the marriage at the same time as he’s too selfish to see the GP about it

NatureIs · 29/09/2018 18:18

How do I cope? Well last night I got out of bed, opened the door, walked across the landing and told him twice to turn over & went back to bed. Then a couple of minutes later I was back there but this time yelled several times until he did stfu.
This morning he said "Did you ask me to stop snoring last night?" I just said "yes" but really I loudly called his name a few times and then repeatedly yelled "turn over" there's no point telling you to stop snoring, you cant (a not u).

PreventCrookedTeeth · 29/09/2018 18:25

@AcrossthePond55 That is really good.

I have a really interesting article that might interest you, but I can't upload it onto the thread, so drop me a line if you are interested. It is called: Understanding Nasal Breathing: The Key to Evaluating and Treating Sleep Disordered Breathing in Adults and Children.

Paris14eme · 29/09/2018 18:33

My dear, the best way to deal with it is to get divorced! For years I tolerated the snoring - on top of getting up to 4 children in the night - and guess what? Since he moved out, I sleep like a baby!

MissTerryShopper · 29/09/2018 18:34

Urchinella, I hear you! I am a really light sleeper and my DH snores. But for the last year or so he has TWITCHED. We have all had it - like an involuntary jerk - but he does it all night long, then twitches rhythmically every half a minute or so. I am being driven slowly insane.
Ive just changed job, my last one had a lot of driving and I used to have to stop on the motorway services on the way home to sleep for half an hour because I could feel myself falling asleep at the wheel.
Its apparently called Restless Leg Syndrome and I am also apparently completely unreasonable for waking him up when It’s about 4am and I have had one hours sleep by saying “STOP FUCKING SNORING AND TWITCHING, YOU IDIOT”
We don’t have a spare room :(

Urchinella · 29/09/2018 18:53

MissTerry, at last! another sufferer of the twitches. Everyone looks at me as though I'm mad, but it really is awful and he's very bad tempered if I disturb his sleep. Do you lay there waiting and just as you think it's stopped the bed wobbles? In spite of having a super king bed he sometimes puts his toes near me and they sort of scrabble, uuurrgghhhh.

spinabifidamom · 29/09/2018 19:15

White noise machine. Seriously. I got one for Christmas last year and I love it. My family snore so I feel your pain. Primarily my partner but occasionally my son and daughter too.

Cheeeeislifenow · 29/09/2018 19:23

I am the snorer..... But it's not pleasant for me either DH gets really pissy and is shoving me in the middle of the night. It makes me feel very unwelcome..I usually sleep on the couch then. I am going to go though after reading about sleep apnea a lot of the symptoms I resonated with.

Loyaultemelie · 29/09/2018 20:00

Twat. Asthmatic Rhinoceros Twat. We are clearly married to the same man! Right down to the sad face at separate rooms. I would be more sympathetic but GP told him to lose weight and it would go away but all he does is say "I don't snore" or if played the evidence "you snore too sometimes" but only when I have a bad cold. I have deployed a scissor kicking ninja 3 year old in revenge

Branleuse · 29/09/2018 20:08

if he wont sort it, move out

Wandastartup · 29/09/2018 20:16

CPAP! He scored Oe in the sleepiness scales. I on the other hand was shattered due to his snoring. It’s like torture! I used to dread going on holiday as we wouldn’t have a spare room. Exercise, sprays & strips helped a bit but not totalLyn.

Wandastartup · 29/09/2018 20:17

Low & totally I mean!

CesiraAndEnrico · 29/09/2018 20:42

if he wont sort it, move out

That's fucking cold.

The man has just lost what he is, what he does and has worked his arse off for, for years.

He's had a major blow, mental and emotionally. He has a lot to adjust to. Possibly also not insignificant pain levels.

Right at this moment he likely has so much going on in his head and on his plate, what with all the impending life changes, that he doesn't have a whole lot left over for something that probably won't feel like much of a priority to him. Not compared to the tottering pile of things he is going to have to get his head around as his new normal.

People do tend to get stuck inside their own needs and pain when they have recently lost something very important to them, especially if it formed a significant part of their identity. I can't imagine loving somebody, knowing they had all that going on, and deciding now was the time to start issuing ultimatums.

Thankfully for the OP's partner, while she is justifiable hacked off with the disturbed sleep, she gives zero impression of having an empathy chip that was hacked of a handy iceberg.

Miladymilord · 29/09/2018 20:51

Mine snores and goes through phases of twitching.

The silicon earplugs are really good. Plus dormeasan drops, taste like ass but work

Original poster
sav3m3 · 29/09/2018 20:57

@CesiraAndEnrico I’m a bit shocked at how many people genuinely think this is a reason to leave someone! Fair enough if I’d come out with a load of other stuff then it would be justified but not just for snoring

@missterry I feel your pain with that as DP also seems to have RLS, although admittedly it’s very mild at night. His twitches are generally during the day, he’ll sit at the table shaking his legs constantly and says he can’t relax if he isn’t doing it. He used to do some kind of river dance during the night but that has been replaced by the constant snoring, I’m not sure what’s worse!!

OP posts:
Original poster
sav3m3 · 29/09/2018 20:59

Had another chat about it tonight while I was slightly less ragey. He’s booked an appointment with the GP for next week, and in the meantime he’s tried to be proactive by going out and getting the new spray suggested by a PP and by getting me some decent earplugs and some sleeping tablets. Not going to rely on the tablets but as a one off it won’t hurt to help me get some sleep for one night

Will see how tonight goes and hopefully he’s still alive by the morning Grin

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 29/09/2018 21:10

"You have to address the issues causing the snoring...or rather HE does.

There are medical issues....is he overweight?"

This ^^
Can I urge anyone with a DP/DH who snores to get them to go to the GP. OH started snorig a few years ago. It got worse and worse and developed into sleep apnoea.

OH had a silent stroke. We don't know whether the sleep apnoea caused it or whether the sleep apnoea was caused by the stroke. After a sleep test his consultant said that OH was stopping breathing up to 50 times a minute. He now has a CPAP machine, and I now get a decent night's sleep.

EndOfDiscOne · 29/09/2018 21:41

Yep we get the bed earthquakes (and not in the passion sense). I grit my teeth and endure the leg riverdance thing, but nights when his restless legs go in the "lift up and bang down on the bed" mode I DO get pissed off.

Gonna be a rough one tonight cos he's got a cold man flu. I'm about to head off up to try to get some sleep before the snoring descends. No spare room unfortunately and the alternative is a bunk bed with a squirmy worm of a 5 year old and 6 year old above who talks (full blown wittering - not just the odd word) in her sleep.

ThankYouDebbie · 29/09/2018 22:04

Separate rooms.

Swipe left for the next trending thread