I don't want to know about your (vaginal) birth

[PouchofDouglas]

Met a total stranger yesterday - work thing, quite formal. She has a new baby - 11lbs.
" Yes I had him totally naturally(!) - no tears or injuries' etc
She said this several times

Baby was 6 weeks, I know you go a bit nuts but jeez lady

Who cares if you don’t want to hear about a strangers vagina? When you’re a dictator you can tell people what they can and can’t talk about. Until then, grow some emotional intelligence

glintandglide - very good answer - I can't believe some of the things people get their knickers in a twist about. Christ they should live in the real world for a bit where people actually have real problems as opposed to whether a woman shares her birth story or whether one has a spotty arse!

I agree it's not appropriate to blab the specifics of your child's birth with a perfect stranger regardless of location, no more than it would be to regale them with the details of any medical procedures, if for no other reason than that it's probably boring to them. My friends and I have sat together and rehashed our birth experiences in minute detail, as have most of my female relations. It's sort of what women do for many reasons and I think it's a good thing for us to seek support and/or validation from those important people in our lives. But with a perfect stranger? Nope.

BTW, my mum was born at home in 1922 and weighed a whopping 13 lbs. She was Granny's 4th and she went on to have 2 more plus one early miscarriage. Personally, I'd have put a lock on the bedroom door and told Granddad to sleep elsewhere if I'd been her. Thank God for modern contraception AND modern obstetrics!

For those of you saying what's the big deal, remember that it's quite possible that someone may be telling their detailed childbirth story to a woman who is infertile or who has lost a child or a loved one during childbirth. It's easy enough to let your listener guide your remarks when speaking about potentially sensitive subjects.

I'd be inclined to like her... Seems more up-front and interesting than to chat about than the weather. Plus yay, a positive birth story!

I suppose fair enough not wanting to hear about it too, why not just say, oh no thanks I don't want to hear any more details, thinking about it makes me feel uncomfortable?

Whatever. I wouldn't find it a problem , myself.

DS was 9lbs 6oz & born at home...when people hear that (because he is a big 14 week old so they ask his birth weight, then if he was c-section) they look horrified then almost whisper 'how much damage did he do?' He didn't, out of all three he was the easiest, but people have this expectation that bigger babies automatically equate to damage. I got so fed up of being asked I usually now pre-empt the questions tbh.
Our conversations usually go 'aww he is so cute, how old is he?'
'14 weeks...' wait for the 'jesus he's huge' look 'yeah he was 9lbs 6oz at birth so not exactly little to start'
Wait for the 'omg you must be in pieces' look
'Easiest birth so far, no damage. Nice comfortable home birth'
Then continue about your day 😁

I think I agree. There’s a real problem in this country of women having to compete for drug free and injury free birth in order to have a great birth experience and be the best and respected. It’s bollocks. And your birth experience comes down to luck, your body and your baby. You can control very little of these factors.
I have never shared my birth details, unless asked. This is because it doesn’t matter how I birthed of each birth went, because someone else is different.
If your labour is straightforward, lasts a few hours and you deliver your baby, great. But if it’s 27 hours and your baby gets stuck and you have pain relief and forceps, why are you less of a woman? It’s utterly ridiculous. Now to share you had a large baby is fine, but no pain relief or tears, oh lucky you.
(And off perspective none of each here)

Oh God. I've given birth to a 10lb+ and an 11lb+ baby, and have previously convinced myself that noone is thinking I have a giant fanjo. Apparently I'm wrong . Although why I should be embarrassed about having a capacious cunt, I don't know!

SpawnChorus until i had my DS nobody ever seemed to question how everything was down below. The girls were 7lbs 14oz apiece & looked it, so people just used to coo over them. DS looks like a 6 month old & for the first time in 6 years people actually look me up & down in disbelief that i'm walking. How you have avoided that is a miracle 😂

YABU ffs - that IS a huge baby, it IS impressive to push it out and not tear

So tell people who care! Not a sodding stranger!

Who cares if you don’t want to hear about a strangers vagina? When you’re a dictator you can tell people what they can and can’t talk about. Until then, grow some emotional intelligence

You absolutely can and should tell people if their conversation makes you uncomfortable. I wouldn’t be commenting on ‘emotional intelligence’ when you’re blatantly ignoring the feelings of others.

For what it’s worth, both the women who had 10lb+ babies (both undiagnosed GD, which I imagine most are) said that gravity took over and they basically dropped out. The first words my friend heard was the midwife shouting “oh my god it’s bloody massive” as she caught it. She was devastated bless her. Imagine the first thing anyone says about your baby is not happy birthday or congratulations but what a massive fucker it is

That was supposed to be a laugh not jealous lol

CoughLaughFart why on earth would that be insensitive to others? A woman who could be struggling with fertility who can’t cope with anyone mentioning babies around her. Really? That’s why no one should talk about their recent birth? Come on.

CoughLaughFart why on earth would that be insensitive to others?

I think you’re confusing me with someone else. I never mentioned sensitivity. I just think most people don’t want to know about a stranger’s labour.

Six weeks after the event I'd cut her some slack tbh. What I never understand is when the woman's youngest is now 10 or 20 and you're treated to a blow by blow of the childs birth. Just why????

I don't think that is too much information at all, not even for a stranger, I mean most people could share far more intimate details from their births than that, I love hearing people's birth stories and sharing mine, it's such a unique experience, I think more people should share, especially positive stories

Yes I am actually. You’re the one who reckons she’d Go around telling people (customers non the less) to stop talking about things that make you uncomfortable. Course you would

There’s a real problem in this country of women having to compete for drug free and injury free birth in order to have a great birth experience and be the best and respected

I agree Mousey. I really bought into the whole hypnobirthing and pregnancy yoga business, repeating affirmations at the start of every class about how our bodies were meant for this and knew what to do.

Umm, no. My body, if left to its own devices, could have killed my DS. If someone told me about their amazing, pain relief free, tear-free natural birth after I'd relayed my experience of cholestasis, a 3 day induction, epidural, forceps, ragged membranes and resulting uterine infection, I'd be pretty upset. But maybe that's my problem. If someone told me about it not knowing my story I wouldn't judge, especially 6 weeks post partum. It's a tough one. I think women have every right to celebrate the power of our bodies in birth, but it's hard to feel proud if your body pretty much turned on your baby and could have killed him.

I don't think that is too much information at all, not even for a stranger

Bully for you. Can you comprehend that others might feel differently?

Good god, my DD was only 5 lb and I was still regaling people with My Birth Hell like some wild-eyed Ancient Mariner. If I’d had an 11-pounder I’d probably have hijacked a coach party, just to have a captive audience.

If you are pregnant don't talk about being pregnant cos no one gives a fuck (but if people want to ask you if you are having twins, say you are fit to pop, ask you if it was planned, if you have a tv etc just smile cos they are just making conversation).

If you have just had a baby don't talk about it cos no one gives a fuck.

If you have a child don't talk about them to anyone cos they a)don't give a fuck or b)will upset them or c)they don't give a fuck.

That about sums it up right?

My sister sent a two page round robin in her Christmas cards describing her wonderful water birth and first few days of breastfeeding. Sent to our entire family, but also to people like my husbands parents who she has met about 3 times.... The baby was born in August.

zebraantelopegiraffe

You forgot the main exception to all...don't talk about it unless someone asks in all every case.

Not sure why it's one rule for one side but a different for another 🤔 pretty sure most adults are perfectly capable of saying 'sorry, don't mean to be rude but i'd rather not hear the details' if they don't want to hear it!