I don't want to know about your (vaginal) birth

[PouchofDouglas]

Met a total stranger yesterday - work thing, quite formal. She has a new baby - 11lbs.
" Yes I had him totally naturally(!) - no tears or injuries' etc
She said this several times

Baby was 6 weeks, I know you go a bit nuts but jeez lady

I realised a while ago that I did definitely “over share” about my birth and what happened after for a few weeks after birth. I think it’s a way of getting over it/ coming to terms with it. I think go easy on her.

“Ooh that’s a big baby “
You say “yes thank you he’s huge”

Maybe people have been asking her after hearing that she's had a 9lb baby and she's now preemptively jumping in there.

I'd agree with CoolGirls; she's probably more in shock than she realises and just can't stop babbling. She'll be on here in a few years time on the "Embarrassing things you did as a new mum"- thread.

Another I think most women are concerned to some degree about how childbirth will impact on their body.
Comments like that could damage someone’s self esteem. whilst you can’t see their vagina, surely it’s not hard to understand that if a woman feels it has been damaged beyond repair, or so ‘big’, this may impact on how she feels about herself, and her relationship with her partner.

You may not be able to see a woman’s scar from a cs, or if they have excess skin left from the op etc because they have clothes on. Would it be ok to make a remark about a woman’s scar and saggy belly after a cs, because it sounds funny? I doubt it.

It just seems to me like women who have delivered vaginally are viewed as fair game for insulting and possibly hurtful remarks, that in any other circumstance would be considered cruel.

I also think that if a man said it then it would be considered misogynistic, but it seems it’s ok for a woman to pull another woman down.

She's proud of herself. Good on her.

I'd put it down to baby fever.

I love hearing the ins and outs of a birth story and will share mine at the drop of a hat but do limit the audience.

Producing a baby is so other worldly, good, bad or ordinary that it helps to hear and share the experience.

It’s the shock talking

One of my children was born years ago and I am only just entering this phase of talking about it all the time as I’m only just processing the trauma (with professional help)

This would wind me up. Yes it's really good she has a positive birth story but its not because of anything she did or didn't do it was luck that genetics allowed it. Otherwise it makes it seem like all those women who did have tears or c-sections or less than perfect births just didn't try hard enough.

Poor woman! Don't be so precious!

I'm with you OP.

At a work situation with people I've not met before, I'd expect to be discussing work.

If she can't make that distinction - and also seems to be unwittingly insulting other DMs who were unable to give birth vaginally - then she should still be on maternity leave.

Also I doubt she was going around bombarding the male attendees with details of her vaginal birth, therefore why should OP be expected to listen to it.

I doubt she means it that she did something to have a positive birth experience and we can't assume she is or means to be criticising those who don't. I had a shit show of an induction and emergency section and wouldn't be at all offended I'm pleased she had a better experience than I did.

Marmaladeismyjam

Surely mother to mother you can understand the weird haze and mindset she's likely in right now, just let her have it instead of projecting

Jesus Christ my 3 month old is 11lb

I can't even imagine birthing such a large baby! No wonder she wants to talk about it

I’d thank her for sharing a positive birth story for a change!

I hope to have children myself soon and since my early 20s people have been trying to put me off by sharing their horror stories of multiple third degree tears, infected stitches and never being able to poo/pee/have sex normally again. It’s nice to hear that it’s actually possible to have a baby without sufferering a horrendous birth injury - I was genuinely starting to believe it wasn’t possible!

"jeez you must have a massive fanny"

I would have gone home and cried if someone joked that to me.
I know thats what people were thinking, but it would take some special sort of dick to actually say it. They could SEE he was a big baby. I got ASKED about his weight, and then looked up and down as if I had some sort of wizards sleeve.
Its a completely socially normal thing to talk about after a baby. Shes not trying to gross you out by preemptively offering information that every other person has probably asked her about for weeks. She probably has barely slept.

The nice response is to say its impressive or something or wow, that must have hurt, or im glad it all went well for you, or something nice about what shes just been through, and then change the subject if you really dont care.

Meeting people for the first time esp in a professional setting can be so awkward - I would love for someone to say something like this to completely break the ice and cut down any barriers around 'what to say'. Sharing intimate stories actually helps bond people quicker. I'd be very drawn to someone like this!
What would you rather talk about OP, the weather?

She was amazingly lucky to have a good birth with a huge baby. Good for her. And stop talking about her “fanny”. It’s disgusting and misogynist

Jeez, you must have a massive fanny’

😂

"Wow, you must have a wizard's sleeve, then"

I also think some posters have picked it up wrong that she was in some way smug about getting away without any tears. The op doesn’t seem to imply that’s how it was and I don’t think saying you did it vaginally and didn’t tear is smug or making out you did something special. It’s just a fact.
But tears or not I still imagine an 11lb baby must have bloody hurt, so she probably does still feel quite trauamatised/in shock even if she is fortunate enough to have got away without injury.
Although of course she will have to put up with the mental impact of the implications there is something freakish about her ‘big fanny’, so I wouldn’t say she got off with it completely.

The amount of wizard's sleeve/massive fanny 'jokes' on this thread is fucking shocking. Grow up instead of tearing down other women. Half the time someone who replied something like that is just bitter about their own birth experience, which is YOUR issue not theirs

👏 ^^

Yes Pins, i didnt get from the OP that the woman was smug. Perhaps relieved and happy to share her good experience. Still a bit of an odd thing to share with someone you've just met at a work function though.