AIBU - BF and Facebook

[HB2Me]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years. Our relationship hasn’t progressed to moving in or talk of marriage in that time. However, due to my family circumstances I have been happy to take things slowly.

We had what could be seen as a stupid argument last night. He is refusing to have me as a friend on his Facebook. Up until about a year ago his profile said he was single. Now that information is hidden.

He says that he sees me in real life so there’s no need to ‘add another channel of communication’. He also has all of his friends who he sees in real life on there (but apparently this is ok because he added them before he made a decision not to have any more friends on there). He also has his exes as friends and seemingly everyone else but me.

I appreciate FB is not real life but I find it very odd and hurtful that he won’t add me when he seemingly has no problems adding anyone else.

He thinks I’m strange and can’t understand why we need to be friends when we see each other in real life.

I asked him if he would be my friend (this sounds so tragic doesn’t it) and he said no.

AIBU and do I need to be handed a grip? I’d really appreciate some objective input.

I am starting to realise that he is not a nice person. I used to let it wash over me because he’d always have a rational explanation and made me feel like I was acting irrationally.

Yup, that's how they work. Don't feel bad for going along with it for so long. It's hard to realise what's happening and how your feelings are being manipulated.

Well done for refusing sex and leaving last night. You don't have to see him ever again now.

This is in no way about Facebook.
He kept you a secret for 2.5 years and lied to people at a dinner. Why the holy fuck did you not leave him then. That would have been the dealbreaker

There is no good or genuine reason for him to keep you out of his social media life. Tor updates are even more concerning.

You deserve more. Please leave him.

He’s either married, has a long term girlfriend, or is just plain secretive and weird.
Either way I can’t see a good outcome for you I’m afraid, due to the secrecy and lying about being in a relationship . I would have dumped him after the meal situation - how hurtful for you.

I think it's time you walked away OP, it doesn't even matter what he is hiding (and he is, or at least keeping you at arms length) he is clearly a shit. Don't waste anymore time on this loser, find someone who will actually love you and be proud to be seen with you. If he was truly a private person he wouldn't have Facebook at all, I don't and nor do many of my friends due to concerns about privacy/not seeing the need to tell all and sundry our business. He is lying and is comfortable because you've put up with this shit for half a decade! Put a stop to it and walk away with your head held high, this wanker isn't worth your time

Dodgy as fuck!!

Run for the hills. Now.

What's that smell? Oh, it's bullshit. None of his behaviour makes any sense, he is either hiding something from you or keeping his options open.

WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS MAN?

Not all men are like this! You can do better!

Although I do have to concede that I have a FB page and don't have anyone I know in RL on it (I opened the account to join some groups related to my DC disability and my own illness. I don't have any identifying info that is public and the groups I do post on are completely private)

By the way OP, now you're on the path to riddance, set your profile to single. Publicly.

Just so he knows in a very fitting manner.

Either this is

1. he's ashamed of you
2. he's hiding something
3. he's enjoying the control this gives him

All of those reasons make him a cunt not worthy of your time.

DH joined FB relatively recently and when I asked to friend him initially he declined saying it's about cycling for him and that as I don't cycle he didn't see the need to add me. When I pointed out that it's wierd to not friend your wife when she's also on FB he added me without question. No harm in the initial no, but as soon as you explained why it was important to you he should have added you straight away.

Which brings us back to him being a cunt

Bloody hell OP you've already given this jerk 5 years of your life do you really want to waste another 5 years on him?!

Get out and meet someone who doesn't treat you like an embarrassment!

Drop this clown from a great height OP

Yeah, my then-fiance did that. It was because a) he didn't want anyone to know about me b) he was actively seeking other women and didn't want them to know about me, and c) he'd already cheated/was cheating and didn't want the other women to find out about me and vice versa.

He's not into you. He doesn't like you, is keeping you as an option, is on the look out for other women whilst keeping his convenient piece (you) on the side whilst he explores all other options.

Good god woman, can't you see it?? Please, PLEASE don't be me and gloss over details like the facebook thing. This is NOT NORMAL, not just the facebook thing but everything else you've said about how he's treated you. Please don't waste any more of your life with this moron, you deserve to be loved, not to be a thing kept on the side and hidden away because your boyfriend wants to find someone "better".

He is in his mid40s and happily lives apart from you even after being 5 years together? Plus all the other dodgy shit he is pulling. 🤔
He doesn’t want a future with you so stop wasting your time on him because he WILL drop you when he’s finally decided what he wants with HIS life and I guarantee you that you won’t be in it😡

OP, I agree with everyone else, it seems that this man does not want the world to know that you are together.

It is extremely weird that you are not facebook friends and that he tightened up his privacy settings after you said about the single status.

My cousin wasted 12 years on a man who had no intention of marrying her and only wanted to hang out with his own friends and family. Don't be her.

Walk away now with your head held high. It is far better to be on your own for a while, than to stay with a man who has no respect for you.

This happened with my ex. He refused to add me, giving exactly the same excuses as you were given. He left me for another woman without warning. When I managed to see his Facebook through a work acquaintance purely by chance, he’d been in a public relationship with her for nearly as long as he’d known me. There were photos of them both in bed together, pics with each other’s children and days out.

If he’s keeping you a secret, it’s because you’re his stand by and he doesn’t want his main woman finding out about you.

It would put me off a man if he even had a FB account, tbh.

Get rid OP you can and will do better

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩⛰⛰🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

Even without the FB side of it all it sounds like you aren't a full public part of his life, which after five years is not at all normal.

You say his profile said ‘single’ until you pointed it out to him, then he locked it down. I guarantee it still says that.

I’m so sorry he’s treated you so badly. But don’t let him carry on doing this, bin him and find someone who wants to shout from the rooftops about you!

You might think that you're in a relationship with him but he certainly isn't in a relationship with you. FGS he won't even tell the real truth to his friends.

I don't want to put ideas in your head OP, but how often do you see him? Is he secretive or strict about the times and days you speak? Could it be that your an OW and he doesn't want anyone else to see you?

If I was you I would set up a fake profile with a stunning picture and try to friend him on FB to see if he accepts me/tries to flirt. But that's just me, probably the wrong idea to some but I would want proof of him (at least trying to) being a cheat