To be angry my 4 year old was excluded

[monicafallulageller]

Name changed for this just incase I'm actually being unreasonable and I don't want to have to live it down!

My 4.4 has just started school. She has been there 2 weeks.

Last week were were sent home a bookmark type card where we have to write down how many minutes we have read with our child at home.

This week I forgot. I work from home full time, have an almost permanently unwell toddler. And I forgot.

Because of this, my child along with another whose negligent parent also didn't time their minutes, was sat inside the classroom while 43 other children were taken to the adventure playground in the 'big school' for an hour.

My daughter was told it was because mummy didn't bring her certificate in and they were disappointed and what a shame it was. She was also told she would be taking the class teddy home for the weekend but that was changed because of this.

I am so upset about this. She is at school 3.5 times more than she is at home every day. She goes to bed at 6:30 and gets home at 4pm. And she has been excluded because they can't monitor the reading done during those short hours she is home.

She is very bright. Easily top of the class already which they have said. I have a very relaxed attitude at home due to how long and tiring school is for her!

I feel really let down and hurt that she was treated like this because of my business and forgetfulness.

Aibu unreasonable to massively fucked off.

I think I would start with a phone call on Monday saying you will be coming in to see the head and your DD won't be in school until this matter is resolved. It's honestly ridiculous. People who think that's an okay way to treat a 4 year old shouldn't be allowed anywhere near one.

I would also ask for a list of all the sanctions they use on pupils for things that parents fail to do.If this is their policy there will be others.

at least your daughter has a parent who cares, imagine those kids whose parents do not give a shit and never fill in the reading record. they are probably having a shit life at home and then school makes it worse by punishing them for something already shit.

That's bloody shocking, it could turn her off reading for life 😢

But she had to sit inside and read while the rest of the kids went outside.
That's slightly different from 'punishing' her for you not filling in the record. It's the staff making sure that children who are not (to their knowledge) being read with at home get read to instead of playing. Getting a trip to the big playground isn't the equivalent of PE, so she's missed out on an extra thing, not curriculum.

HOWEVER the nursery staff, if they have told her she can't have the bear at home because of this, do need talking to. I'm a very strict teacher, but this has no bearing on whether she reads or not. I keep kids in to do their homework, but it's relevant (getting the hw done) and proportionate. I don't, say, keep them off a school trip because of it.

Ah....I think we can see how things like this come about

She is at school 6.5 hours a day. They have multiple story times during the day. When we had a home visit the teachers asked what we enjoy doing at home and commented on how many books we had and dd told them all her favourite books.

On Friday when I spoke to them they said 'we know you read a lot at home' so this was not a 'we are picking up the slack as we don't know you're reading at home which your child needs'.

This is a blanket policy which does not take into account any situations that might contradict what the dictate us to do.

Dd does get read to at home. By the age of 18 months she could recite the very hungry caterpillar and bear hunt verbatim.

I have a 20 month old with her third chest infection that is rapidly losing more weight than she has gained in the last year, barely eats and sleeps and fights with severe allergies. I work full time from home doing 40 hour weeks. When my kids go to bed at 6:30 I make our dinner or tidy and then I work until the early hours of the morning. Every single night they get 2-3 stories and we spend 20-30 minutes reading and winding down. I just didn't write down '26 minutes' on a fucking book card.

My kids are lucky that they have parents that play with them and read to them and take them to the park and farm and library. There are children in that school I know for a fact don't own a single book at home. (Been to their house for play dates from preschool). Their parents do not sit down and play with them. They will be punished for this?

When I was a kid, I walked myself to school as my parents worked long hours. I then went to a childminder after school until 7pm. There were 8 other children then. You can bloody believe we weren't read to.

My mum said she forged our reading records. But on my mum and dads days off they read to us for ages.

What about the children that have parents that work all hours? What about the children who's parents can't read. What about the children who look after their siblings? What about the children who's parents just forgot...

As a governor, if you don’t get the response you want from the head, I’d advise you to go to the chair of govs. It’s a policy just destined to impact on those kids who are already impacted by their own or their parents’ own personal circumstances. It is the opposite of inclusion, it’s institutionalised bullying of small people with no control over their own lives. Shame on that school.

Homework is not compulsory at primary. We have written saying we are not doing it. We insisted that our children were marginalised as a result. So far so good but god help them if it happens when they approach SATs years. Like yours, mine are bookworms and bright, when they are at home I would much rather they were playing out, meeting their friends or doing self led stuff if it is to include things like reading /writing/colouring. Don’t be bullied into faking a record, be confident in your convictions and push for your home life to be entirely your own (and that of your children).

Over 30 years ago I removed my eldest daughter from a primary school because of their policy over reading in reception...in her case not letting her take a book home till she could read single flash cards.

We had moved houses just months after her starting at a school that did the same us we did at home... read to her and encourage her to read or sound out the words using the pictures / story as a guide.

She thought she was being punished and was in tears every morning I asked her to go to school...despite me discussing this with the teachers and explaining she could already read past her age group* they just would not give her any leeway to adapt from one system to another. Eg put the flashcards in a sentence.

• and yes HT of CPS at her formal yr1 assessment her maths and reading developmental assessment was that of age 7yrs

She transferred to another school and flourished.... all the children were encouraged to learn at a rate that suited them . They stayed in their peer groups and brought in work from whichever classroom suited their learning needs. They all took books home at the appropriate level so they had fun not stress learning to read.

They did have a bookmark too for parents to sign but it was used to help identify children that might have circumstances at home where parents were struggling for some reason rather that parents forgetting to sign. Those children were then prioritised for the parent volunteer reading sessions of which I was one. These took place within class time not playtime or any other time class were doing a joint activity.

As to taking away an already promised treat such as a take home teddy for something a parent forgot to do...... well there's the deal breaker for me

Please find another school for your dd. Whilst taking the school to task over such a policy may raise awareness ( the board of governors might not know ) and get it changed I think that will take time where this system will remain in place. Making up numbers won't change a thing !

X posted with shitholiday...

Oh and I didn't mean last sentence to insinuate you would make up reading minutes.....was general comment to all that said they would.

I'm glad you're taking this up Op. Statistically speaking there'll be children at that school who will be victims of neglect, some who are young carers, some who have illiterate parents, all of whom would be impacted by a policy like this and would be less likely to challenge it. There's ways of encouraging reading without doing this.
A colleague of mine got a school policy changed for a large high school as they used to penalise kids for not having correct equipment which was a massive issue for low income families, the safeguarding board and ofsted took a dim view when they were made aware - sometimes approaches seem common sense at first but are discriminatory when they don't take everyone's needs and circumstances into account.

I remember at school I got two detentions (only time I got them) for not getting a homework planner signed. Teacher refused to believe me that id tried. Had an alcoholic parent at home who told me to F off if I disturbed them in the mornings and I was a latch key kid in the evenings. What angered me most is that I'd never missed handing in homework, the punishment was because I couldn't evidence a parent had checked it. Said parent wouldn't have had a clue so I forged their signature from then on. Not an easy thing to explain to a teacher!

I expect they are trying everything to encourage parents to read with their children. I guess the only sign they have that reading is happening at home is the card being signed (which isn’t foolproof of course).

Providing catch-up reading time in school for those who seem to not read enough at home is a good thing overall.

However, the perception for most of course is that it is a punishment to sit and read while others play outside.

They do need to think through this perceived punishment of reading. It doesn’t send the right message about reading. The card thing is annoying but how can they tell the difference between a parent who fails to read with their child at home and one who just fails to sign the card?

Not sending home the bear because the reading card was left blank seems very unfair.

Outrageous! This also happened to my child. She's also bright and at the top of her class in literacy but I had a week where I neglected to write down a reading session and so she didn't make the required number of sessions (5 times per week) that week. She was punished by not being allowed to watch the movie with the other kids. I was furious and gutted for her. I also moved her to a better school where they don't have such ridiculous policies!

I don't think it's uncommon not to get the reward if you don't meet the criteria. I'm against the grain but I think you are being a bit unreasonable. I would explain your circumstances to the teacher before you kick off. It can't be that unreasonable an ask if 40 parents managed it . Don't get angry, try talking to school rather than all the extreme reactions suggested here. I'm sure they'll understand if you speak to them.

I'd be seriously tempted to take the piss with the reading card and fill it in recording that she read for 28 minutes 54.763829472 seconds, or that she read for 18 hours one day and 1 minute the next.

Ask the school if it is their policy that their pupils should be punished for the fault of the parents.

I think that’s sensible user

Apart from the bear thing, that wasn’t a good call.

Way , way over the top! I work in year 1 and have never heard of anything like that!

It is stupid and mean to do this sort of policy.

I was at a school that required parents to sign your diary each weekend... Like the one with your home work and number of loo breaks. I had parents who were neither about nor cared so I learnt how to forge my parents' signature.

When my mum found out, she wasn't mad as it meant she didn't have to bother. My form teacher never found out, my mum only found out after my form teacher that it was good to see that my mum had started to sign it after weeks of it never being signed.

Head of year realized though as she got a letter with my mum's signature concerning about not sueing them for the permanent damage to my arm ignoring the gp and physio letters saying what I couldn't do due to a severe back injury... Turns out she investigated about me as things didn't add up and found out the abusive nature of my family life and did everything she could to get me support at school but also in getting away to university. I got permission from that point on that only my class didn't need to have our diaries signed unless there was a problem such as detention so I didn't feel singled out or keeping it up.

She was awesome but it did highlight how stupid this stuff was.

Definitely complain as I'm sure that there is a law about kids not being able to be punished in any way for others mistakes. This includes parents or "class detentions" to weed out of punish the real person when they aren't sure who it is. At least that was the case in 2000. I accidentally got a load of my teachers in trouble as my dad was friends with the head and was raging about how much I got detention despite it being someone else under "class detentions". I think it is in the magna Carter about no innocent person suffering any form of punishment until proven guilty and this was later ensured to protect children when they introduced all the child protection laws back in the victorian times.

Homework at Primary school does NOT have to be done! It is not compulsory even though teachers are pressurised to set it. You are within your rights to say your child is are going to be doing homework as they need their time at home for leisure, relaxation and family time.it has been proven that there is no value to homework at primary level and most educationalists are opposed to it. In fact, many are of the view that homework is not necessary at any age! It is mainly set for the benefit of pushy and ambitious parents!

That's such a spiteful thing to do to a four year old.

I too would be livid OP. Glad you are talking to the head.

I would move her to a different school asap.

YANBU.

I'm on our parent council and have had to explain to the HEADTEACHER that sometimes letters they give to the children don't make it home.
She seemed surprised.

If this is accurate then YANBU. Completely harsh and out of the school especially for reception aged children. However my son used to come home from school with some very exaggerated stories at that age so perhaps check the facts before saying or doing anything.