To be angry my 4 year old was excluded

[monicafallulageller]

Name changed for this just incase I'm actually being unreasonable and I don't want to have to live it down!

My 4.4 has just started school. She has been there 2 weeks.

Last week were were sent home a bookmark type card where we have to write down how many minutes we have read with our child at home.

This week I forgot. I work from home full time, have an almost permanently unwell toddler. And I forgot.

Because of this, my child along with another whose negligent parent also didn't time their minutes, was sat inside the classroom while 43 other children were taken to the adventure playground in the 'big school' for an hour.

My daughter was told it was because mummy didn't bring her certificate in and they were disappointed and what a shame it was. She was also told she would be taking the class teddy home for the weekend but that was changed because of this.

I am so upset about this. She is at school 3.5 times more than she is at home every day. She goes to bed at 6:30 and gets home at 4pm. And she has been excluded because they can't monitor the reading done during those short hours she is home.

She is very bright. Easily top of the class already which they have said. I have a very relaxed attitude at home due to how long and tiring school is for her!

I feel really let down and hurt that she was treated like this because of my business and forgetfulness.

Aibu unreasonable to massively fucked off.

That's terrible. Speak to the head. If they are useless, I'd make a formal complaint. Follow the complaints policy to the letter. It should be on the school website.

If that actually is their school policy, it's bloody ridiculous and should be challenged. Making 4 year old feel rubbish about school is just about the most counter productive thing they can do. It's just a really stupid approach.

Ffs
I would be conplaining. That's outrageous. Homework should not be compulsory at that age (though I know you did it).

8 months pregnant and feeling quite emotional. I nearly cried after reading what they did to your little girl! At 4 years old she’s way too young to understand, let alone be responsible for, reading routines.

I can’t believe they would do that to a child that has just started school, her confidence must be in bits. I didn’t know they gave detention in schools before a certain age...

rather After dd1 got a break detention because I didn't sign her planner in year 5 dd2 learnt quickly to forge my signature too.

YANBU but how on Earth can they tell she's one of the brightest in the class after two weeks? Why are they telling you that? And YABU to make this a reason she should be treated differently. My DD started full time two weeks ago and they haven't told me anything like this yet and I wouldn't expect them to. Is this a fee school catering for overly competitive people?

Just read it's not. Might have read your post too quickly. Don't like the sound of the school tho.

I teach Reception.

No way I would be trusting my precious child to these people!

Go to the head, ask them to justify such an appalling policy. I'm interested to know how this goes towards developing a love of school and reading.

This is absolutely dreadful. Your poor wee girl.

You have already spoken to the teacher who has confirmed it. It likely isn’t her policy so no need to go any further there. I would going to the head and then extremely quickly up the way if you don’t get a response. This is not how you improve literacy or engagement in areas of poverty. You breed resentment.

YANBU to be angry. I would be furious, both for the exclusion and the rubbing salt in the wound by taking away what had already been promised to her.

As so many others said, it's ridiculous and I wish schools and others would stop punishing kids for their parents. It's not fair to the child who can't make their parents doing anything, it worries good parents for no reason that benefits the child, and it does nothing to or for parents who can't or won't beyond talking to them and for an abusive parent knowing that their inaction can mean that sort of punishment will just mean one more thing they can hold over their kids' heads. I had parents who varied between the latter two and the times I or my brother was left out because of them, it didn't make anything better for anyone and certainly didn't make them comply no matter how good for either of us any of it would be.

My kid got a sanction because I forgot to sign his planner that week. Two school years clear and his first was because I forgot to do a bloody signature one week. His head of year expressed his disappointment in this sanction making him feel worse. I started signing the whole terms worth after that and he got grief for that. At parents evening it came up and I expressed my frustration that the sanction system being used to punish kids for something out of their control. Once they realised that I work, juggling three jobs at the time, barely had time to scratch my ass between homework and doing dinner before returning to work and my kid actually told me what was going on, they backed off.
You should speak to the teacher and explain your situation. That was unbelievably cruel.

poor thing

Totally ridiculous for a reception child when many are not even reading properly at that age anyway. And she has only been in school a few weeks! It takes time to get into a proper routine of homework / reading.

I even thought it was harsh when our reception teacher docked my DS a couple of stickers on his homework sheet when we had done the homework together but handed it in at the end of the school day rather than first thing in the morning. It was just me being dunderheaded and not including the finished worksheets in his backpack (but then bringing them in later that day) which was entirely my fault, not his. He had worked hard to finish them so I thought it was overly harsh to blame him for my mistake. At older ages when they can take responsibility for their own work, it's different.

You should definitely complain. Do you have any staff member at the school who is in charge of discipline policy? We have a Vice-Principal whose main focus is disciplinary issues so anything to do with harsh treatment or rewards / punishments goes through her.

Soea2k to the head and ask to see the policy, also ask how this fits into the EYFS.
If you don't get any luck complain to the LA or Ofsted. Absolutely terrible policy!

Er, and does it say in the policy that bears should also be forfeited? However policy-holding the teacher is, taking away bear privileges is just cruel and mean. That really is malicious. The weekend bear stuff is totally separate. It shouldn’t matter that you’ve had another child to deal with, if they are concerned that she is not getting the help she needs at home, they should SPEAK to you!

I realise that the word “bear” makes me sound as if I’m being sarcastic. I’m not, its appalling.

Did she spend the extra time reading? Way to put a child off literacy.

This is a cruel and unreasonable school policy.

To me this indicates that there may well be further cruel and unreasonable school policies

Why are you keeping your child at that school

Take her out. And then spend some time finding the right school for her.

If the school are already excluding children at such a young age, I would move her.

I think I'd have to move schools to be honest. I'd seriously question how anyone could treat a 4 year old like that.

That's absolutely bloody awful! It's passive aggressive to teach Parents a lesson to do 'their' homework - completely draconian and disgusting .... I'd be writing to the head then I'd complete the slip with something stupid like 3 hours of reading

Gosh, that's so mean! That sweet baby angel. 😞

With my daughter's reading log last year, we made up numbers. 😳 It's not that we don't read to her; we do, every day. It's just that we didn't always note how long we read. So we just made stuff up.

I've worked in reception at a lot of different schools And I have never ever heard or seen this. If this is what happened, and it wasn't down to her behaviour at school, then too right I would go in and create a shit storm. It's cruel and ridiculous.

The worst I've seen was when I was at one school where some year 5s were talking in assembly. The head made them stand at the front while everyone left. I didn't like that it's humiliating. There were other things about the school I couldn't stand and Never went back. So things like this I can believe do happen.

What I would do is peak to the teacher privately to get their events on why she was excluded then take it from there. If it was down to repeatedly bad behaviour in class then fair enough. Bit harsh by my standards but ok. If it was because you forgot then go ahead and kick off. It's not on! Xx

After an evening to process my feelings and read all of your replies which have confirmed I'm not being a precious THAT parent, I'm going to be speaking to Head next week.

They have a 'in always here so if you need me yet come in' policy so I shouldn't need to book. I'm massively tempted to not send her to school Monday while I speak to the head.

I actually have to be aware of eyfs and safeguarding procedures and a member of the committee for a preschool. And I'm pretty damn sure this completely contradicts their inclusion and equality policy.

I've checked the school policy, the bookmark I didn't fill in and the letter. No where does it say that if it isn't returned, she will be excluded.

And the thing is, she loves reading! But she had to sit inside and read while the rest of the kids went outside. That's the same as giving 43 other children a piece of cake, and those 2 their favourite fruit. It's about inclusion and this was the complete opposite of that.

What I feel more frustrated about is that this school makes such a song and dance about not being like other schools, wanting children to be free thinkers and having a relaxed approach and good results because of it.

This completely contradicts everything they are saying about their school.

I already know what I will be saying to the Head next week. And then I can decide afterwards what will be happening. I'm tempted to take her in Monday and tell her teachers I am speaking to the head teacher about the disgusting practice of excluding 4 year olds so I hope that my child won't be bullied again because of someone else's actions and I expect her to be included in EVERYTHING. (I would be incredibly shocked if she ever disobeyed a teacher or misbehaved at school in anyway. She is honestly good as gold and such a people pleaser the thought makes her unhappy)

But seriously. Thank you for all of your comments. It has helped me focus my feelings in proactivity instead of just feeling lost and sick for my little girl.

Haven’t read the full thread but that is absolutely fucking disgusting and I think I’d actually pull my child out of a school where they thought it was acceptable to do that to a four year old. What is wrong with these people?!

Between this and the 11 year old that wasn’t allowed to use the toilet when she started her period in class, I’m just horrified at what is going on in schools at the moment. Your poor little girl.

Also, I’d agree with your last post about this practice contradicting with what is acceptable for safeguarding and inclusion. I don’t work in a school at the moment but I do work with children and vulnerable people and this practice goes against guidelines (not to mention just being a decent human being ffs!).

Could you imagine a little one whose parents are abusive and horrible having to then go in and be treated like this at school if they can’t be arsed to read to the child? What kind of life would it be for that kid? Crap home life, excluded from fun and play at school.

Take it all the way!

I remember my grandad telling me when he was a little boy in rural Italy and lived on a farm, he would get up at 4am and work in the fields then walk 3 miles to school and get beaten for bit doing his homework and then go home and get beaten for being beaten at school. And then work in the fields until dark and go to bed and repeat until he left school at 11.

A far cry from what happened here, but the principal of punishing a child for things out of their control is sickening.

She’s 4 years old I seriously think the uk has gone bonkers